just a girl @tryingtokeepup - Tumblr Blog

hot tea

depression knocks like an old friend reluctantly, i let her in for a cup of tea she asks me if i want her i say i do, but i also want recovery and could it be that i could have both loves? but then that really wouldn’t be love at all because she is not love she is hate in disguise, apathy dressed in pearls and black silk the lies she feeds me as we sit down with our tea can’t really hold up to the Truth (which lately, i’ve been trying) but still, she drives a hard bargain, a convincing argument then when i’m tempted, i remember that Truth and the way it filled me up so completely but then comes the guilt when my hand reaches back towards my friend’s offering, so easy. with each lie i digest, she swallows me up from the inside then teaches me how to make those misery tarts on my own but surely, I must be intolerant with the way my stomach squeezes in pain after those lies slip down my throat i know we’ve had enough when i am filled to the brim with heartache and hot tea, and truth seems out of stock. the hot tea scalds my throat - it’s the kind of burning you can get used to because if it burns, it means you’re feeling and sometimes, that’s really all you need to know take a pulse on your pain, make sure that it’s still breathing. kindly, i show her to the door it’s been real fun, but i can’t take anymore it's only glorious in a way that leaves you aching and exhausted from such a high cost and I need to rest in Truth so now, i must ask you to leave - but i’m sure we’ll have tea again next week

– a.l.r. (june 2020)

#depression #poetry #mental health #recovery #mental health recovery #metaphor #poem #art therapy #thoughts #depression recovery #word therapy #still breathing

inkskinned

i stayed for this; for murky coffee at the bottom of my cup. for pulling another tick off my dog. the sun came down, though - i wish you could have seen it - and i swear to you; everything was so violently beautiful that even god hiccupped. it is a long life of small moments. i am so glad for that. i work a knot out of my hair. i am briefly annoyed by the omnipresence of dust. and above, overhead in magic: the moon has tilted herself - a gentle, yielding cusp.

luckystarchild

I've been keeping it off my face as much as I can on video, but I'm livid about the TikTok ban.

I have about 100,000 followers on that app. I joined during the pandemic. I was lucky to find a community full of incredible people, many of whom I now consider lifelong friends. Because of the community I found on that app, I found space to experiment with my gender presentation. I was able to come out as nonbinary (to feel SAFE ENOUGH to come out as nonbinary) because of that app.

I've seen a few Tumblr posts in which people gloat they never got into TikTok. Good for you. You won't suffer emotionally, and that makes you feel superior. But if you have no concept of what that app has meant for more than 170,000,000 Americans (that's half of all Americans!), many of whom do not have access to community in physical spaces, kindly sit down.

The ban constitutes the largest mass layoff in American history. We will lose billions of dollars in our domestic economy. Over 7 million small businesses are shuttering because of the ban. You will feel the effect of that whether or not you were on the app. If you can't grasp the significance of that, again: kindly sit down.

The language of the TikTok ban has set a dangerous precedent for the American government to shutter any tech platforms they deem "dangerous" for arbitrary, undisclosed, nebulous reasons. This will affect Americans' ability to organize, spread information, and protest. They have effectively banned our right to assembly in digital spaces. This is the greatest infringement of free speech that has ever occurred in the United States. If you can't grasp the significance of that, either: kindly sit down.

This is bigger than "never falling for the TikTok craze." This is an enormous governmental overreach sanctioned by our own Supreme Court. It's bigger than teens doing silly dances you can sneer at from your smug high horse.

And if you can't grasp that: Kindly. Sit. Down.

daily-spooky

anxietyproblem

shovlison

Christmas 🎄: depressed in a festive way

metamorphesque

I need you to love me more, love enough to drown it out (mitski)

― Stevie Smith, Richard Siken, Ana Lucía Ceballos Cáceres, Emily Palermo, Katrien de Blauwer, Natalie Diaz, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Natalie Wee, Jenny Slate

late-for-the-sky

I hope my absence brings you the peace that my love couldn’t

vroomvroomwee-deactivated202508

Does anyone else feel lonesome?

Not lonely. Not alone. Just... lonesome. Like you don't feel connected to anyone. Like you never feel that you will find anyone that understands you, that will see you truly, let alone someone who will even like you. You see friends everywhere, but you don't see yourself in their place, like that is not for you, like you're not made for that and that's not made for you. You see people having fun and laughing and dancing and getting drunk and falling in love and you just... don't feel that for yourself. Like you're not supposed to have that, like you can't because it's not for you and you're not for it.

Like you're supposed to be seeing all these beautiful things in the world but not experience them yourself. Like you want to experience so much, experience everything, but be overwhelmed by it so you don't do any of it.

Like you want to be everywhere and do everything, but you don't belong anywhere and can't do anything. Like you're not supposed to be here. Not in a self-deprecating way but in an incongruous way. You want to live you want to be alive, but you feel you're not supposed to be. Not here at least, not like this. Just a presence in the world, not an active member of it. Even your body doesn't feel like home, your face isn't a face you recognise, like you're not supposed to have either. Like you're just supposed to be.

Like you're supposed to observe, but not experience.