I know itās been months since Iāve written up here and surprisingly Iām NOT down bad like I was early this year and all of last year. I know it takes me a while to get over things but shit be hurting me deep okay? Anywaysā¦Iāve finally moved. Iām on my own now like Iāve always wanted. But most importantly Iām making this post cause Iām finally enjoying a dating scene and enjoying being queer fully for once. Iām super underdeveloped when it comes to dating and just like with meeting other guys. I donāt really know what I like yet, but when I see it I know you know? Iām trying to think about and be more aware in how Iām being perceived from an interest standpoint. Iāve only ever really seriously dated one guy, and Iāll never forget him saying long after the fact we stopped pursuing each other romantically that he could never tell if I wanted a relationship or not. Same with this other (who I recognize I have a connection with but like Iām unsure about it at the same time) he said the same thing to his friend about me. Itās weird hearing people say I have this ambiguity around my emotions because I tend to think Iām a very fiery, intense, and emotional guy (Iām a triple water sign so how fiery am I really?? lmfaooo) but like I always think Iām not hiding my attraction. I typically tell guys Iām into about my attraction up front because I really hate to beat around the bush, but after that I really do like to follow the other guyās lead because I know how Iām imagining myself being but at the same time I donāt ever want someone to refer to me as being too much again. (Long story but nothing recent) but what if Iām really not being too much at all and Iām just coming off as not interested? I donāt know the whole thing is weirdā¦ Iāve realized I have a fear of break ups so at this point in time I get anxious about getting into a serious relationship. But I also have been enjoying just having an attraction to a guy and enjoying the time I have with him vs. what are we gonna be down the road. It really is fun and I can stagger my emotions so I donāt catch extremely passionate feelings. Maybe this is just how adult-dating is which I swore to myself I didnāt wanna go through this but imma just keep taking guys as they are and not really having extreme expectations on them. Right now this is enough for me until I can figure out what the hell Iām doing next in every aspect of life. This isnāt to say though I donāt one day hope to be married cause I do. I just donāt see that happening anytime soon fr. Also this is the first time in life that I stopped really feeling undesirable and that Niggas actually see an attractive man in me and I really like that. It just further validates how shitty it was for me to be in VA as long as I was.
snowghoul
stormborns
kaledo-art
gummygunk
pixelskylines
discoholicmusic
dailybridgerton
germansingergirl
