In which: There's a few things, Thanos wants. Number One, he just wants to focus on his music, release more albums, and become more successful, in his career. Two, he wants to pay off all his debts, and eventually, live the rest if his life having fun. Although, who would've thought, that after joining some deadly games, everything would change for Thanos?. Especially, because he doesn't remember much about how he got himself in this place? And moreover, of who he meets along the way, and after realizing, he must do whatever it takes to survive ,even if it means having to make all the wrong choices.
*Trigger Warnings Apply!* depression/mental health issues,suicide thoughts, suicide attempt. mature themes and language, sexual content mentions of drug use and more. I do not condone nor romanticize any of the behaviors in this chapter, events and everything presented are fictitious.
ERISED || CHAPTER 1
*trigger warnings apply*
It is time to go back home, after spending another night at the club. Thanos wasn't complaining, in fact this was one of the best nights he had spent in that club. Although, tonight Thanos had chosen to walk to his apartment, since he figured the fresh air would do him good. Suddenly, he began to feel the side effects of the drugs, he had consumed start to fade, and he was slowly coming back to his senses. And he hated the aftermath effects, because it caused him headaches in the morning.
His phone then starts to ring, he couldn't exactly check who was calling, and he quickly picked up. Then, after hearing the words that came out of the person on the phone, he starts to feel a heavy feeling on his chest. Anxiety, completely taking over him his body becoming heated the air around him could no longer be felt.
He then hangs the phone and shuts it off and tries to take a couple of deep breaths trying to be calm but nothing seems to be working this feeling that is the worst, has completely taken over him. Thanos, now looked down at the bridge he was currently walking through. In order, to cross to the other side of the street, where his apartment was, suddenly he began to hear some voices in his head that told him to just jump, to just do it, this will make it all go away one jump and that’s it .
Thanos didn't see the point of this, everything was going wrong, and just when he thought things were finally getting better he receives bad news through a phone call.
But no more, he was going for it, he had nothing to loose, he could no longer take it, he had tried over and over again to make it all better but this was his final try he then proceeded to jump off the bridge, and then afterwards everything goes black, his heart stops for a moment, and there was nothing, but emptiness, and dead silence.
Had he really done it? was this the end?
—
Flashbacks
*trigger warnings apply*
(THANOS POV)
Thanos couldn't seem to fall asleep, he kept overthinking and the voices in his head kept haunting him. Especially,some things that had happened in the past that he was slowly remembering. and they were things he had thought he had finally forgotten since they had caused him a lot of pain and now everything was coming back.
He had lost motivation. He hadn't quit, he would never quit. music was his life, and he knew he could pick himself up, he just needed some time for himself, he didn't want to write bad music. Although, he had tried to write new songs, but then gave up after double checking the lyrics and when finding one mistake or even realizing that it didn't make sense.
He no longer made public appearances. One day he just vanished and isolated himself; he didn't want to be seen by anyone, especially his family and even his so-called friends. Of course the only exception was his mother, who he still kept in touch with, he had tried to distance himself from her, but it was useless, she was always there for him, to console him, and to make him feel less alone, and it made him feel better when she came to visit him every now and then, and ask how he was doing. But one of the things he loved, was that she always made sure to cook him homemade meals after finding out he wouldn’t eat much.
And he then got his motivation back. Thanos worked hard again losing his sleep to write his music and to record it. And eventually, his hard work paid off after he released a new album. And when he went on stage again he felt like a different person he felt free like he could do anything he wanted and his fans would love it. Of course he loved seeing the big crowds and the fact that so many people loved his music.
But he felt even better knowing his mom supported him, and he couldn't wait to see her again, and tell her all about it. and to eat another warm meal she prepared for him. But eventually she stopped coming by and Thanos figured perhaps it was too risky for her to come see him again. Because maybe his father was starting to grow suspicious. At first it was only a couple of days that went by so he didn't think much of it.
But eventually over a month went by and he then found out devastating news that she had passed away then he then didn't see the point in anything he felt empty hopeless again. He now wasn't as excited as before to come back home. He felt like he had lost everything especially the person who he loved the most. He spent several days in his bed just sleeping and unable to get up.
Until one day He got out of his bed and headed to his bathroom he turned the lights on and looked at himself in the mirror he couldn't seem to recognize himself he had forgotten who he was.
He was tired, and he needed to escape from this. He then, thought about changing his appearance perhaps,that's what he needed. He headed to the hair salon in order to change his hair. Although he had no idea how he wanted his hair to be and then eventually he thought of his mom and remembered the number of times she would say he would look good with his hair dyed purple since before he had dyed his hair in different colors except purple.
And everytime his mother suggested that color he would always say "one day when I become more famous." And of course he dyed his hair purple as a way of becoming someone new. And he had gotten a couple of tattoos and piercings. He wanted to forget his old life to leave who he was behind, and of course he then changed his name to Thanos he didn't want people to call him by the name his family gave him because he would only remember everything he went through and of course he then painted his nails in different colors. He then continued with his career he figured it would help him stay busy and get his mind off everything else. He also started working out a lot and would let out everything his was feeling through each workout.
—
He then would go to the club every weekend. And when friday came he felt excited and he felt urged to go because he always had fun and at first it would only be to drink. And eventually that wasn't enough for him, he needed something stronger, something that could completely make everything vanish, and then he eventually was able to find something, He began to use drugs, because the moment they were in effect, he felt like he was more in control, and this other side of him came out.
He just loved to experience the euphoria that took over him. But also it helped him feel better he was able to tolerate them because his senses went away. and he loved the fact that this feeling lasted a long time and more than anything he wished it didn't go away.
He then headed to the dance floor joining the big crowd who cheered after seeing him, his attention then falls on a woman, who was also amongst the crowd happily dancing. He loved the way the dress she was wearing complimented her figure and how happy she was, she was also beautiful and the glitter in her eyelids made her stand out from the crowd. he then only had one thought he wanted her it had been a while since he last enjoyed the company of a woman and it had been hard for him to make love because of the way he felt at times.
For some reason, he felt this strange feeling he desired her, and so he doesn't wait any longer he then is determined to make a move. but then realized she was no longer there he looked around him and she was nowhere to be found he then walked away from the dance floor in hopes that maybe she would be at the bar? but nothing, he then began to feel scared had he really lost her? and then there was one place left maybe she could be there he then asked around if anyone had seen her but so far everyone said no until the club promoter noticed him and eventually revealed where he had seen the woman.
Thanos then began to head into the place where she was which was one of the exclusive private rooms that only vips could enter into which meant she was someone important.
Although he had never seen her before he then opened the door and was shocked at the sight before his eyes, she was half naked the upper part of her body exposed but she was still covered by her bra she was shocked after seeing him enter the room.
"I'll be out in a moment someone spilled their drink all over me" she explained giving me a smile and I noticed she blushed a little.
"I've been looking all over for you I couldn't stop watching you on the dance floor" I said while I smiled playfully she then turns around to face me and I could tell my words made her nervous.
"You were watching me mmm?" She says and then proceeds to walk closer to me pushing me against the wall and then proceeds to run her hands through my chest and eventually gets closer to whisper in my ear "so tell me why was the one and only Thanos looking for me?" she asks and still stays close to me. At this point I can't control myself any longer I then pull her close to me and pick her up and carry her to the sink setting her on the counter and my lips crash onto hers our kiss then becomes more heated.
"does this answer your question" I say in between kisses she doesn't respond and proceeds to pull me closer to deepen our kiss clearly also wanting this as much as I do.
And there it was that feeling Thanos had been craving he was filled with pleasure it made him feel good this euphoria he was experiencing especially in this current moment of his love making session he loved the fact that he was finally with this mysterious woman he had watched dancing earlier. And who would've thought he was now lucky enough to be making love to her to be able to please her, to be able to touch and feel every part of her.
He loved the way she looked at this moment, her naked body her hair now messed up, and how she was begging him to increase the pace at which he thrusted in and out of her, and the sounds that came out of her lips. and especially the way her body was perfectly positioned giving him full access.
He was then almost coming close to releasing, moans escaping from his lips and finally he releases himself on her bare back and eventually cleans himself from his release. It felt good to finally be able to experience this feeling again, this feeling he hadn't felt in a while. He redresses himself and also helps the woman he just had sex with put on her dress and kisses her forehead before she finally says goodbye along with one final kiss. And after she was gone he then realizes he never got her name or even her number now he probably won't see her again but of course he didn't feel too bad he could just keep coming back to the club and wait for her to appear she would probably be here again.
Thanos splashes some water on his face to decrease the heat he was feeling all over his body, after his long love making session. There was something about that woman that made him feel unexplainable things. Now he couldn't stop thinking about her. He then proceeds to go to the bar and asks just for some water, he had enough for the night. And then after that everything around him begins to fade, completely becoming blurry. What was happening to him? Was everything just an illusion? Were the drugs he had consumed doing this?
and after that there it was again just silence and emptiness and everything turning black again.
End of Flashbacks
status : wip/on-going
A/N: I hope you enjoyed reading I thought it would be fun to write focusing on the perspective of Thanos and just to clarify y/n is the mysterious woman Thanos met :) soon every thing will make sense.
this story has also been posted on my wattpad —> ERISED
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