Mike Driver
Andulka
Today's Document
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@ttttodayjunior
I look through you.
Down to the bone of nothing.
Into the absent.
Your quiet mourning.
I taste the sin on your lips.
The almost good enough.
Life we could have had.
If you were a better woman.
If I were your man.
Father time funded the show.
We placed our bets.
He skipped our roll.
Now we sit alone in silence.
Like a joke we never got.
And I pray for seven chances.
As we shoot our final shot.
I trip
Over nothin’
The air
The ground
The lies
From your mouth
I claw my way out
From the lining
Of your stomach
For a glimpse
Of the sun
Peeking around
The rain in your clouds
Of sedentary sadness
You don’t move
And you never
Sit on my sofa
You will search for me
In every corner
In every room
In all the eyes still
Filled with wonder
But you will never
Find another
As sweet
As gentle
As the one
You casted off
Too scared
To blunder
A love so ripe
Dripping with life
You will never
Find another
Mid life
Best lover
You threw the net
But lost the bet
You will never
Find the other
Me to recover
order in the court
screams the broken down scribe
with her ratty red hair
her lips shaped like a bribe
for the one who lost it all
in the blink of an eye
because she didn’t see the light
on the other side of try
but the absence makes me stronger
and no longer do i cry
for a second hand boy
with a gifted TBI
you dont need me here.
you have her,
her,
and her.
i will not go mad this time.
as you get more,
lazy,
hazy,
crazy.
i hear the unsure,
in your sleepy slumber,
croaky scripture.
the time has come,
for me to run,
up the hill,
down the ledge.
into the silent unknown.
i love you
but i am not in love anymore
too many times you left me
can you feel my resentment
leaking thru
i dont care anymore
or maybe i care too much
about being together forever
till the end throws
its final punch
i am better off alone
on my own
so im told
the ending is predestined
our story is fucking old
The exhaust pipe fits perfectly around my mouth
As the marionette in my brain plays near the hearth
Hung so high
In a cloudless
Blue sky
The kindness of black
Takes me away
The noose round my neck reminds me to smile
Waiting on strangers
To walk a mile
A gift for R~
I’ll bite all my nails off
Cry all my tears
Before I succumb to my sadness
Or miss my darkest years
I’ll drown in my sorrow
Before I admit it was a mistake
That my life was never mine
It was ante for the quake
I’ll squander the silence
Before I speak out of turn
I’ll buffer the absence
Of the gentle gold burn
I’ll trip over the deadline
Pour salt on the wound
Before I unknot the twine
Or gift you my gloom
The frogs tell me their secrets
In between the golden twilight and the wet grass dew
They yodel the knowings of yesterday
Sprinkled promises
Gifted to the chosen few
Their song written on antiqued scroll
Remind me of the beauty
Scribbled in the slew
He might be slidin’ in yer dm’s
But he’s sleepin’ in ma bed
He gets on his knees
Begs and pleads
Then I tuck him in
Up to his head
The people shuffle, shuffle
Atop of terrazzo tile
Just like me
They give and take freely
I wonder what makes them smile
When things feels almost normal
The fear starts to settle under my skin
Watching for the lamp to change
Waiting for the bottom to fall out
When their love feels like enough
The walls start to crumble
The guard is on furlough
The ground can’t hold the earth
When he tells me I am beautiful I do not believe him
Because I have lived my life
In this mind
In this skin
When he tells me he loves me I do not believe him
Because I have been given nothing
Yesterday
Today
Tomorrow
Apart from mans sin
I have covered my heart in moss
Lowered my voice to dim
Whittled my needs on a cross
Scavenged my wants on a whim
Thrown them out to sea
Hoping someday
I will choose me
sexy pen
lady soft
eyes cold
soul lost
frozen tears
cooing hen
lovers left
tired fears
friend game
target hit
heart flame
bitten lip
ear token
freedom lit
stars frame
mind broken
I’ve always wanted
To be someone else
Stuck in this body
Trapped in this mind
Apologetically me
All of the time
The opposite of masking
They don’t make em to fit
My shape of all wrong
My filters don’t work
The sadness settles
Between my eyes
I’m a class clown disaster
Can’t decipher truth from lies
I want love the way I give it
But prefer gloomy skies
sexy pen
lady soft
eyes cold
soul lost
frozen tears
cooing hen
lovers left
tired fears
friend game
target hit
heart flame
bitten lip
ear token
freedom lit
stars frame
mind broken
the men they guide her
in the dopamine glow
they hide and conspire
attempt to break a solid oak
they croon and they stoke
flames of regret
they crawl and they gloat
they claw at her throat
there is no kindness here
survival dipped in fear
they want her dead
they want her head
they want what they aren’t
a beautiful true friend