The Classic Plastic

Just a disposable container trying to make it in the kitchen of a world

[princess-stabbity]

so i’m at the doctor’s again and i see a notecard on the reception desk that asks in bright red ink, Do you want to live forever? 

finally, i think, finally i’m at the start of a vampire novel. i don’t actually want to live forever, but i’m not about to turn down a call to adventure like that. i try to flip the card over as inconspicuously as possible. 

the other side contains a bible verse about keeping jesus in your heart. 

i hate living in the south.

[tahthetrickster]

ah yes the age-old struggle of “is this vampires or jesus”

[walterwhitemediocrity]

[weavemama]

[thorffour-deactivated20190920]

Before vs After Adoption

[source]

[monkeysaysficus]

[sheilikhal]

Truthfully the most precious thing I have ever had the privilege to repost.

[occultjackalope]

This makes my heart so happy. ❤️❤️❤️

[spaceprobepals]

[cartooncoyote]

A sword that screams whenever you swing it, and the volume is directly tied with how fast its swung

[goobus-deactivated20171001]

Finally, a good post

[thecheesyllama]

Great for: vikings

Not great for: ninjas

[ruinedchildhood]

[5oil]

[honyeol]

that’s my OPINION!!!!

[mercedesbenzodiazepine]

I want her…

[kesus-deactivated20180911]

Why in the literal fuck do social media designers think we want to see posts out of chronological order……what real human person on the planet earth wants to see that…..I’m so tired

[bob-belcher]

[jestershark]

“Y’all motherfuckers” is a gender neutral speech opener

[steven]

sorry i have bubonic plague i can’t hang out tonight

[61below]

aw rats

[threehundreddollars]

i wish i was an italian farmer pushing my wheelbarrow full of fruits and vegetables down a gravel path on the side of a hill towards the market in the center of town and didnt know what a tide pod was

[foreverimthatgirl-deactivated20]

me: *literally about to burst into tears for no fuckass reason*

me to me:

[halleycomets]

confession: i am Not sick of uptown funk at all i still throw down every single time i hear it and will for the entire rest of my life. catch me at 100 years old hearing “DUP. DUT DOODOOT DUT DOODOOT,” launching out of my wheelchair and screaming WOOAHHH THIS HIT THAT ICE COLD

[hexxit-deactivated20180526]

does anyone else with intrusive thoughts do that weird dismissive head shake when they get them to kinda like.. reverse/reject the thought or is that just me

[meow-n-save]

Gotta shake your brain like an etch-n-sketch and start over

[malkiewicz]

Synonyms are weird because if you invite someone to your cottage in the forest that just sounds nice and cozy, but if I invite you to my cabin in the woods you’re going to die.

[istudypirates]

My favourite is explaining the difference between a butt dial and a booty call

[antiuwuaction-deactivated201804]

It’s called connotations.

[leggyboyjohnson]

Try this one on for size:

“Forgive me, Father, I have sinned”

“Sorry, Daddy, I’ve been naughty”

[helaas--pindakaas]

great news! Language is now banned