3am

I loved reflections more than reality like the veiled moon, crowded trees, and open skies better in the dim of night.

[tulyppp]

To respect someone, I don't have to lower my own self respect, period.

[tulyppp]

I Have Completed an Entire Character Arc

Them: "Okay, talk later." Me, for the first 0.3 seconds: "Okay, cool." Me, 4 seconds later: Wait. Talk later? Not see you later. Not bye. Not goodnight. Talk later. Why specifically "talk later"? Were they busy? Are they annoyed? Were they trying to create emotional distance? Oh my god. What if they typed "love you" and deleted it and replaced it with "talk later"? No. Focus. Maybe they hate me. No, if they hated me they wouldn't say "later." Unless they're being polite. People are polite when they secretly hate you. OH MY GOD. What if this whole friendship has been politeness? What if everyone I know is just being polite? What if civilization itself is based on politeness? What if nobody likes anyone? What if— Wait. They put a period. "Okay, talk later." A PERIOD. A full stop. The punctuation of death. The punctuation of disappointment. The punctuation your English teacher uses when she's had enough. Why a period? They usually don't use periods. I need evidence. Scrolls through 8 months of messages. Okay. On March 14th they used a period. But that was different. The moon was in a different phase then. The vibes were different. The economy was different. This cannot be compared. Wait. What if they were typing fast? No. Nobody types accidentally. Everything means something. Humans invented language specifically to send me hidden messages. Hold on. They were online 2 minutes ago. ONLINE. So they're alive. Why didn't they text? Who are they talking to? Do they have another friend? Of course they have another friend. Everybody has other friends. But why that friend? What's so special about them? Can they make better jokes than me? Do they know facts about octopuses? I can learn octopus facts. Should I become an octopus expert? Would that fix this? Wait. It's been 11 minutes. Maybe I should text. No. That looks desperate. But not texting also looks desperate. Everything looks desperate. Breathing looks desperate. Existing looks desperate. I should disappear into the forest and communicate only through poetry. ... Them, 27 minutes later: "sorry my phone died lol" Me: "haha no worries" Me internally: I HAVE AGED 14 YEARS SINCE WE LAST SPOKE. I HAVE EXPERIENCED LOSS. I HAVE GROWN AS A PERSON. I HAVE COMPLETED AN ENTIRE CHARACTER ARC. WHY ARE YOU SO CASUAL ABOUT THIS. 😭💀

[tulyppp]

I burn my heart to get a flicker of light so that my shadow can take form and bear me company in the lonely nights

[tulyppp]

Oh God... I love my shadow so much. It does not carry the scars or wounds that mark my face and body. And most of all, I do not have to hide that I am sad when all I have to show as my reflection is my shadow. Yet I hate this pale face of mine, always tear-stained, always scarred.

[tulyppp]

I don't like anyone destroying my peace. If you cannot be consistent STAY AWAY, if you have a prior motive then plzz STAY AWAY if you come for seeking validation and attention without in return being understand for the way I crash out in my lowest however okay if you don't offer a shoulder then because I understand that not everyone has that much of patience and tolerance BUT if you care only about seeking attention for your grief while secretely thinking you can use me then okay use me but if you think you can be all toxic with your motives and I'll not realise then oh so soo sad you. I not choosing to react so that I don't hurt the fragile you does not mean I cannot see your action or intention...so plzz even if I don't say it to you on face I manifest that YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME

[tulyppp]

I hate that I let people affect me so much that my heart literally aches when I overthink every good or bad relation I have even platonic ones feel so close to my heart. Not everything has to be about romance for it to be a cause of your heartache.

[tulyppp]

Walk faster or move out of my way

And it's not just about walking

I want u to lemme go

away and away from you

not just so I don't see your face

just so that

I won't have to live with it's regret

[tulyppp]

When we can’t have something we either end up hating onto it or…being crazily obsessed with it.