Turkey Rising

Power to the People

[turkeyrising]

Mogus: You may think that I'm a millionaire jerk face who has no respect for anyone but you're wrong.

Mogus : I'm actually a billionaire.

[turkeyrising]

D@niel: J0rius, you’re a soldier of the Oculus! You work 24/7, not 9 to 5! You’ve got to be vigilant! Tireless! Dedicated!

J0rius: [sighs] You’re right…

D@niel: And my work here is done.

J0rius: Wha-!? What happened to tireless and dedicated!?

D@niel: I wasn’t talking about me.

[turkeyrising]

D@niel: What is the easiest way to steal a man's wallet?

Br33z: Knife to the throat.

Mogus: Gun to the back.

Jackal: Poison in his cup.

J0rius: You're all horrible...

[turkeyrising]

Matr: I'm just going to grab a healthy breakfast

Skue: Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Matr: Breakfast burrito, but yeah

Skue: I pity your dentist

Matr: Jokes on you, I don't have a dentist!

[turkeyrising]

“What if something happens to Br33z and she never gets to meet my baby? I don’t want to hang out with some stupid baby who’s never met Br33z.”

Skue

[turkeyrising]

Br33z: What are you doing?

Matr: Trying to give you a hug??

Br33z:...Oh I thought you were attacking me

[turkeyrising]

Matr: I’m the kind of guy that likes to think things through.

Skue: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

[turkeyrising]

S#an: *reading instructions* apply to shampooed, towel dry hair. After 5 mins rinse thoroughly

S#an: *mixes shampoo with the hair mask* time is money

[turkeyrising]

Skue: Jackal , if you don't stop I swear I will stab you

Jackal: Thank god I've got my knee pads to protect me

[turkeyrising]

D@niel: There are seven chairs and ten kids. What do you do?

Jackal: Have everyone stand.

Matr: Bring three more chairs.

J0rius: The most important ones can sit down.

Br33z: Kill three.

[turkeyrising]

Skue: Br33z are you alright?!

Br33z: .. im dying... but at least I could die doing what I loved most

Skue: overthrowing the government?

Br33z: dying

[turkeyrising]

J0rius: Well im back I guess

Jackal: Back from what?

J0rius: I left. For three weeks. How did you not notice?

Jackal: ...

Mogus: J0rius I MISSED YOU

Matr: I WAS WORRIED SICK

[turkeyrising]

Mogus: Imagine if someone handed you a box full of all the items you have lost throughout your life?

Jackal: Oh wow, my childhood innocence. Thank you for finding this.

Br33z: My will to live, I haven't seen this in 15 years.

Skue: I knew I lost my potential somewhere.

Matr: Ah, mental stability, my old friend.

Mogus: Guys, could you lighten up a little? Please?

[turkeyrising]

Br33z: I have no fears.

Matr: What if you woke up one day and Skue was taller than you?

Br33z: ...

Br33z: I have one fear

[turkeyrising]

S#an: Can we have a birthday cake?

Mogus: It's not your birthday.

S#an: The cake won't know

[turkeyrising]

Mogus: Did you eat all of the powdered donuts?

S#an: *mouth full of food* No…

Mogus: Then what’s that on your pants?

S#an: That’s cocaine.

[turkeyrising]

S#an: What does the chef recommend?

Mogus: This is McDonald's.