Fighting My Nafs. @turnbacktoallah-blog - Tumblr Blog

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

It gets better, I promise. Trust Allah. If Allah has taken away something you loved, He will replace it with something so much better - like He has with me. Alhamdulillah. Please make dua that everything works out for me. Jazakallahu Khayran.

It's like stab in the heart and it hits with no warning. I'm convinced I'll never love anyone as much as I love him despite how ridiculous this entire thing sounds. I guess I'm asking how do I get through this? Because compared to all the other times we ended things this is the worst, previously I never attempted to get over him I just pretended all was fine and ignored the pain. For the sake of my sanity, I can't do that now. I need to get over him and move on with my life. Jzk. END

Assalamualaikum wa rahmatullah, subhanAllah. My eyes watered as I read your story. I know many people will start pointing fingers and start judgemental opinions but I genuinely know what you have been through and I KNOW how hard it is to get over something like this. Our hearts are soooo weak, we give in to our desires and our love but you’re right it IS the QADR of Allah, so please do not despair. Allah has bigger things in plan for you inshAllah.

I’ll start by saying, alarm bells start ringing when he’s constantly making excuses and going AWOL. Can you really imagine yourself marrying a man who you can’t even trust?? Who blames you for pressurising him and other things. SubhanAllah sister, you are worth SO much more and you deserve so much better. You gave him endless chances, and he doesnt seem to have changed. This man does not seem like someone who is of marriage material. I sense there are trust issues and this will not resolve after marriage as this will always be at the back of your head.

Your education is really important now. Focus on that, keep your mind off things. I was also doing my exams when all of this was happening.

I know its easy for me to say but I promise you, Wallahiii, if Allah hasn’t allowed this to happen, Allah has BETTER things awaiting. Allah has someone better for you, someone who will appreciate and love you. At this moment in time, my words have no value because you’re hurt, nothing makes you happy, you keep thinking of your memories with him.. Wallahi I was like this!!! I was depressed. A year later, I came out stronger sister. The man I was involved with didn’t even have the decency to give me closure for when the “relationship” ended, so how is this man worth me sacrificing my deen for? Things are looking up for me now. I have beautiful family and friends and I am currently seeking to marry through halal means.

It hurts. Yes. Pains alot. Tears fall when we remember them, we cry at night and try to be normal during the day. Our insides are breaking. But please please sister have a little bit of patience, it will get you so far. Like it did with me. I now thank Allah for saving me from such a man and I promise you, it won’t be long till you thank Allah for saving you too.

I love you for the sake of Allah sister. Delete everything of his from your life. It’s time to start afresh and to seek guidance and forgiveness from Allah subhanhuwatalaa.

How do you get through this? Prayer, prayer and more prayer. Quran. Cry to Allah. Cry to Allah and ask Him to make you stronger. Take my word for it, you WILL love someone else more than you ever loved him.

False Promises

To cut it short - don’t trust a man who is willing to be in a haram relationship with you.

Take it from me, men will be men. *Most* men will run away from commitment. They will give you false hope and make false promises about how they can’t live without you, how their life is empty without you and how they miss you. When it actually comes to walking the walk, they shy away. They leave you. All those promises - broken.

If a man promises to marry you in a year.. question him - WHY a year? What’s stopping him from marrying you now? Why is he making you hide this and lie to your parents? If he isn’t able financially or whatever reason, why is he still continuing to indulge in sin with you. This man is a coward, he does not fear Allah regardless of how much outward piety he shows. He is using you to satisfy his own needs and desires.

Wallahi, take it from my experience. I learnt the hard way. I never really thought of it like this until very recently - a man who loves me would never take me away from my Lord. He would never allow me to disobey my Lord. He would want to hold my hand into Jannah.

Haram relationships aren’t a joke, they scar you. Seek marriage, not zina.

#zina #marriage #haramrelationships #haram #relationships #love #islam

Rejection

Assalamualaikum.

A year has passed and alhamdulillah I am slowly getting there. My parents have started to look for a spouse for me, but subhanAllah it is so difficult nowadays.

It’s not always all airy fairy, ‘you’ll marry the first guy you meet’ sort of thing. Especially in an arranged marriage, you’ve gotta prepare yourself for rejection because.. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news - it will happen.

It is difficult to be rejected.. It’s not very nice to be rejected but at the same time, you wouldn’t expect to marry the first person your parents bring you. Potential spouses may reject you for a variety of reasons, from your looks, height, age.. whatever it may be, know that Allah has a bigger plan for you inshaaAllah. Be patient.

Okay, I totally understand it’s easier said than done but remember, for someone to reject you based on a physical aspect i.e. looks, age, height, that’s their shortcoming, not yours. You are perfect because you are the creation of Allah, and don’t worry because someone beautiful will find you. :)

Have Patience, O Soul of mine.

#relationships #haramrelationships #marriage #islam #spouse #potential #engagement

I loved you but I love my Lord more.

Turn Back to Allah

I'm in so much pain. I dont know how to pick up the broken pieces of myself.

Ya rabb :( may allah ease your pain and guide you sister. please message if you need any advice inshaallah :(

May Allah grant you ease sis & a spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes. :( <3

Ameen, jazakallah khair, such a beautiful dua. please remember me in your prayers..! xx

I pray that Allah makes everything easy for you, you gave up something for the sake of Allah and Allah is surely going to grant you something better in return x

Ameen! Jazakallah khair for such a beautiful dua. Really means alot, please pray for me.. x

Assalamualaikum sister, Im only 15 but my story is same as yours it is very hard to stop contact each other so whats the best for us? Is it okay if we chat but as friends nothing more?

Walaikumsalam sister. The short and harsh answer is its not ok to chat. End it cold turkey, delete his number, stop yourself from thinking about him and occupy your mind with other things. Remember that Allah is the only one you need to please. The man i was with was perfect, he would do anything for me and i would never imagine him leaving without any explanations but he did. it reminded me that we can never trust anyone 100% except Allah. Allah will never leave us, i promise. Subhanallah you’re also so young. you have your entire life ahead of you, you will find someone a million times better. cut off all contact, surround yourself with good company and friends and focus on pleasing Allah and making dua to him! i love you sister, stay strong!

This has helped me so much. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm just like you, never one to take part in such things or have guy friends. But I have been in this relationship for some time now and his parents are not willing to come forth and meet mine. And so based on that I have ended things and your story helped me make my decision. I'm feeling everything you're feeling and it's so hard to get past it. But I know Allah has a plan for us all. I pray in time you heal, ur in my duaa♥️

Wallah, i pray from the deepest part of my heart that Allah helps you overcome this. Turn to Allah, that is what helped me. Allah will fill that void in your heart, I promise. It was never going to be easy but it will definitely get easier. Time is the healer. You have taken such a big step to end it, and for that Allah will reward you so much. You’re so brave, keep strong, love you for the sake of our creator. If you need to speak to anyone, please message me inshaallah!

May Allah grant you patience sis, I'm currently going through the same thing and perhaps its say to say my current struggles echoes in your experience. I'm finding it hard so make dua for me. Hayaakillah x

May Allah make it easy for you sister. wallahi, its a horrible situation to be in but trust Allah. Remember that people always leave you but Allah will never leave you.. in the end, we only have Allah to please. no person on this earth is ever worth choosing over our creator, our lord!

The Aftermath.

I’m still here. Still hurting. A bit of me dies inside every time I think of the situation. Everything reminds me of him.. Everything. I feel like I need amnesia so I can start afresh. But this was a blessing in disguise, wallah!

Did I really want to marry a man who proved to be such a coward. A man who didn’t even have the guts to explain and provide me with closure on what had happened. A man who left me hanging! No, wallah, definitely not!

Over a year has passed now, I’m slowly getting better alhamdulilah, with the help of Allah firstly and my amazing network of friends and family. It’s just those brief moments where I’m reminded of the good times we’ve had, I get those horrible stabbing pains in my heart. But it gives me a chance to take a step back and evaluate everything from a different point of view. I would never be happy with a man who did such a cowardice thing so it definitely worked out for the best.

It also brought me closer to Allah. I am now more focused on my religion and the other important things in life. I now appreciate that indeed Allah is the best of Planners. I think at some points I have come across as ungrateful, but by Allah, I trust in the fate Allah has written for me.

I do have one message for you all.. I am saying this with a heart full of sincerity.. Don’t let yourself get into this situation in the first place. I am telling you, it is not worth it, I swear by Allah. You can see by the way I started this blog that I never intended to carry on talking to him or for anything to go any further.. but IT DID. It did without me even realising because Shaytan is ALWAYS, ALWAYS the third one present between you two. We know Allah has told us to not even come near these situations because of this very reason, because of stories similar to mine.

One thing always leads to another even if that wasn’t your intention. I was never one to speak to guys, I was never interested in relationships, I didn’t have time for that! But it still happened. The end result of being hurt, having to go through depression, lying to parents and more importantly disobeying Allah is really not worth it. We may think everything is perfect, that this is the guy/girl we’re going to marry but Allah’s plans are bigger than ours. He knows what we do not. In my case, Allah intended for it not to work out and I thank Him for that, because He has saved me from so much worse. Alhamdulillah.

Remember this is temporary love. Love based on the foundations of disobeying Allah can never be successful. Focus on your Deen, focus on Allah and your prayers and I promise you Allah will help you overcome anything and know that someone better is waiting for you.

I pray Allah makes it easy for you all and I pray none of you have to go through what I’m going through.

This too shall pass.

“Pure women are for the pure men, and pure men are for the pure women.” (Qur'an 24:26)

I will inshaAllah continue updating this blog with my thoughts. I hope my story benefited you even in the smallest ways.

#haramrelationships #islam #love #relationship #haram #allah

The Final Part.

I write this with a heavy heart. My insides feel shattered, as though someone has taken my heart and smashed it a million times into a million pieces. Every time I replay what happened, a lump grows in my throat. Khayr, Alhamdulillah ‘ala kulli haal.

It was time. We both finished university, secured jobs, our parents were now actively looking to find a spouse for us. The timing was perfect. Honestly, I tried putting it off for so long as I was frightened of the reaction I would get from my family, but deep down I knew I could no longer hide it from them, it was literally eating me up inside. So, we agreed on a date to come clean simultaneously.

There were some minor issues that I knew would be a problem from the very start, but of course, my mind was clouded by my lust for him. Not once did I step back and look at our relationship from an outside point of view. So I came clean anyway. I told my parents everything. Alhamdulillah, my parents took to it better than I expected. They didn’t shut me down straight away, they listened to me and explained that they were happy to look into it and that I shouldn’t get my hopes up too high.

But I did anyway, didn’t I. I was gassed that my rents even considered him, in my mind we were basically getting married. I called him straight away and told him everything, he said his rents were also keen to look into it. But him, being the sensible one, told me this is just the first step on a very, very long path.

What long path? We’re basically there. We’ve come clean, they took it well, we’re getting married! After a while, the rents agreed to meet. Apart from the fact it was THE MOST awkward time of my life, alhamdulillah it went well (or at least I thought it did).

We got home, my parents seemed quiet. They didn’t really mention anything. No-one did until after 11pm that night. My parents assumed I was sleeping, but actually, I couldn’t sleep. I had a million thoughts whizzing around in my head. So I overheard them conversing.. “They seem like a bit of an awkward family.”, “He looks too old for her, don’t you think?”, “He’s not that tall, is he?”, “Their caste back home isn’t that great.” SubhanAllah. I was hurt. They made so many negative remarks but not once did they mention how practising he was, his shyness and haya, his akhlaaq and adhaab. Were these points not worth mentioning? Are these not points that supersede any materialistic remark made about his family, his looks, wealth or status.

I was upset but I was also angry. I KNEW this guy was the one for me, perfect for me, everything I want in a person. Why did they not feel the same? Why were they doing this? I cried and cried, unable to understand why this was happening. I was so sure he was the ONE.

I didn’t sleep a wink that night. I woke up, ignored my parents because of the anger inside of me. I finally came to realise I need to speak to them. Well, I spoke to mum as I felt more comfortable with that. I explained to her that good men are hard to find, good PRACTISING men. She agreed to speak to my family again.

Weeks and months passed. Finally, both families agreed. Was this the end to that very, very long path he was telling me about? It was nowhere near (he clarified this for me once again). We were acting like we were getting married though, even though nothing had been planned. We continued messaging each other, more than previously. I think we thought that because families know about it, it was fine. It was not fine. We should never have let ourselves slip back into the hands of Shaytan.

And then one day, we received a phone call. To cut a long story short, his parents didn’t want to go ahead as they ‘didn’t feel right’. My parents didn’t argue back or ask any further questions, in all honesty, they seemed relieved. At this point, he had gone AWOL. No sign of him at all. No constant messages, it just came to an abrupt stop. He disappeared. One minute I was marrying the man I love, the next I wasn’t. I didn’t hear from him for months until I received a text message saying “I’m sorry it had to end like this, I pray you find a better spouse.”

Did he really just end a 3 year relationship with that line?

Did he really not have the guts to offer me an explanation?

Did this really just happen?!

I don’t want to go into the details because even thinking of it breaks my heart. But I will tell you that my usual, happy and cheerful self disappeared for months and months. I was diagnosed with depression. A man who was my entire life disappeared without giving me any closure. I gave everything to him, trusted him with my life and he just threw me off like that. I want to make excuses for him, maybe he had a valid excuse. Maybe its something I can’t know and won’t ever know. But after this incident, I suffered a lot - mentally.

My tears wouldn’t stop. I couldn’t speak to anyone without crying, I shut myself out from the world, my friends and my family. I prayed, cried, prayed some more and cried some more, I was broken. I tried to take comfort in prayer and Quran but I didn’t have the energy. I begged Allah to make this easy for me, I asked him to give me what was good for me. My insides were in pieces, all because of one person. Why me? What did I do? What happened? How did a love so perfect end? All these questions and I will never know the answer to any of them..

#haram #islam #relationships #love #allah #spouse #marriage

Where is part 4 :( I check everyday! I'm going through a similar situation and this is helping me a lot <3

The final part will be up tonight bi’idnillah!!! may allah make it easy for you yaa ukht :(

Part III

I really tried my hardest. I tried stopping myself every time I went to text him or call him. Surprisingly, I didn’t actually message him THAT much but it’s because I made sure I kept myself occupied with other things.*

*On that note, if you are in the same situation, this is Golden Advice - Nothing, I mean NOTHING, is worse than you locking yourself up in a room, watching sad films and listening to depressing music when something so huge happens in your life. So occupy yourself with different things, go out with friends and family, take up new hobbies.. it makes everything that little bit easier.

So I would message him maybe once in 2-3 days, just checking up on him really, see how he’s getting on. Because at the end of the day, we didn’t ‘break-up’ on bad terms, we were set on getting married. As soon as we finished our studies, we were going to tell our families. Because we didn’t speak much, I used to get so excited opening messages thinking they were from him. He got into this habit of sending me long, catch-up messages every now and again and boy was I excited to read them!

This went on for a year and a half or so. I’m going to be totally honest, at times when we did message each other, sometimes we would end up having a full blown conversation, but we then reminded each other our end goal and agreed to go back to ‘normal’. That stab-in-the-chest feeling came straight after that. Depressed mode back on.

If there’s one benefit that came out of this, it was that I was able to build up my relationship with Allah again. I didn’t feel this horrible guilt when praying and worshipping my Lord. My heart felt somewhat at peace. Before, when people used to come to me for Naseehah (advice), the guilt would rip me up inside. Who am I to give them advice when I myself am a sinner. SubhanAllah. The lesson I learnt at this particular time of my life was that sins are indeed a barrier that keeps you so far away from Allah that you don’t realise until you’ve stopped sinning and repented. Trust me.

*to be continued*

#islam #relationships #love #islamic #haram

we haven't met as we both feared the temptation but feelings grew to a point where even speaking was causing fitna , we have told close family members who we trust if marriage was appropriate however from both sides it seemed that not only age but a cultural difference was at hand.what do i do? i can't stop thinking about this person?

Walaikumasalam sister. Firstly, I pray Allah grants you what is good and makes it easy for you. Hang in there =)

If you truly believe he is the one and you have prayed Istikhara and really thought this through, speak to your parents. I know you have told some family members, but in my experience, it’s best to tell as minimal number of people as possible.. sometimes people give the evil eye without even realising. Talk to your parents, really speak it through with them. Exhaust all options and try to come to a sacrifice with regards to this cultural difference. If you feel you have tried your best and things still aren’t looking up, take this as a sign from Allah.. that you have done everything you can and put your trust in Allah but somehow things still aren’t looking up. It is the MOST hardest thing I have done, to try and forget about someone who has had such a HUGE impact on my life, wallahi, I’m not even going to lie. But I swear by Allah, if Allah will not allow this to happen (and He is the best of Planners) then trust Him because he has something even more amazing for you planned, I promise. =) Finally, I would also like to say be patient and have faith in your parents decision. It may seem unreasonable to you now but one day you will look back and thank them for that. They know us more than we know ourselves, they’ve been through this. They will always be here for us.. So trust them =) I hope this helps even a little bit, if you need any more advice please just send me a message!

What advice would you give for someone who's parents aren't agreeing to allow her to marry someone of her choice???

I know I haven’t finished my story and I will get to this part soon inshaAllah. One piece of advice: Parents know EVERYTHING.

It may seem frustrating at times etc but please try and listen to why they are not agreeing. I understand sometimes its something as silly as different caste etc etc. But do take their thoughts into consideration. Your parents will always want what’s best for you and they will be with you forever, whilst other people come and go from your life. Be reasonable, speak to them calmly.

Have Sabr, perform Istikhara and just ask Allah to grant you what is good.

Trending Blogs

Recently Viewed Blogs

Fighting My Nafs.