A Place To Put Things

Writer? Singer? Masochist? Food enthusiast. Abigail Rose Schreiber.

[turnedturquoise]

friendship in transit

to be felt by words, hands against flesh in the imaginary. a syllable across your chest, it bleeds into the curves of your collar bone. I want to swim in the craters it leaves in its wake, a diver in reverse, to exit is to learn the truth about emotion in parallel.

[turnedturquoise]

Pelvic Floor: Part 1

It's 8:49 AM, and a woman is touching my vulva with a q-tip.

"Rate your pain." What an impossible question. 

For the past 2 years, I've been living with sexual, vulvar, and pelvic pain. It is, quite honestly, tragic. It is lonely, and it is depressing. It’s an all-consuming stresser. All you have to hold onto is that it’s, allegedly, not forever. 

I want to share my story with some people on the internet. I don’t need to share it to my immediate world -- I’m still too “in it” to feel like my grandma or friend from camp or ex from the 7th grade needs to know the inner workings of my...inner workings. But here’s the truth: if you are having any sort of sexual dysfunction, it’s probably related to your pelvic floor. If you’ve been having problems: getting wet/staying wet/being in the mood literally at all, ever... probably pelvic floor related. Do you feel like you’re hitting a wall whenever you have sex? Pelvic floor. Are you experience straight up debilitating burning after and during sex? That’s.. well, that’s part of another diagnosis I’ve been given (vestibulitis (we’ll chat about this later)) but also... pelvic floor related. Have people told you that, honestly, it’s probably just who you’re dating; you must not be attracted to them anymore? Have you started to believe them? Honey, no. It is your goddamn pelvic floor. 

Now, I am not a doctor, so I really have no business speaking in absolutes like this. It could be something totally different. It could be all the scary things that come up when you google your symptoms. Hell, it could be your partner; maybe the fire is gone. Who am I to say? All I can say for sure is that none of that was true for me, and I probably would have gone on forever, absolutely hating sex and myself, if I hadn’t overheard a friend talking about her pelvic floor symptoms. I honestly didn’t even know what a pelvic floor was. Most people don’t. Yet, it is the cause of so many sexual, urinary, and even rectal ailments. So why don’t we talk about it? Why have we shamed women (and men) from getting help? 

I am 22, with almost no sex drive and a hell of a lot of trauma. It is depressing. But I am finally moving forward. I am finally starting to see a light.

Sexual dysfunction is lonely. It feels humiliating. It is a burden to bear. But it isn’t one you need to bear alone. I’m going to write about this, for myself and others. The first step to getting help is knowing what the fuck is going on. 

[livelovefranco]

Freaks & Geeks (1999)

[turnedturquoise]

The World to Come

with little to no dialogue we
molded, our bodies a mixture of
black and 
green and
skin. you felt 
my neck with your nose, I felt
your hair with my chest.
“stay put.” 
an evolution in our height, 
you, the legs, the mover, the traveller
and I, the
head,
the speaker, the listener.
a yoke forged in 
sweat and 4 years of silence,
echoing in a 10’ by 12’.
through moans and spasms
you hummed, “don’t.
not yet." when I feel your hair
two years later
I haven’t and won’t.
a relationship based on waiting
leaves room from wanting. touch me in a 10’ by 12’.
wait for Zion.

[neaarty]

[annadiedtoday-deactivated201711]

The Future On The Wall

Perpendicular to my seat sits someone with answers, & a purpose in life to tell stories to support the ones on silver screens.

I only hope I remind her of herself, passion drenched in slight paranoia, just stumbling through life’s stage cues.

If it’s meant to be, it will be, so they say & maybe not for me, but I regret to inform them that I won’t stop until I get what I want.

I know where I’m going & it’s where I want to be.

[filmaticbby]

Across the Universe (2007) dir. Julie Taymor

[turnedturquoise]

Clementine

we sat on the edge of crumpled sheets, a twin bed horizontal. I inched further. you said, “I think it’s better this way,” so I said, “no” because it wasn’t. you said, “it will be” and I said “ok” because ears hear what the brain craves. my fingers dug into thread counts, you counted ceiling tiles and my freckles. (there were 37 at the time. I know because I checked later -- immortalizing masochism has always been a passion.) your eyes, like fingers, grazed my cheekbone. “you need to stop trying to save people.” “I don’t.” “I thought you could save me.” “I can’t.” “I know.” “I know.”

[turnedturquoise]

mundane

I leaned forward in the seat of a Honda Civic to a sun ray, tracing your left eye and lips, perfectly parted. the most beautiful things in life are brown, bathed in gold.

[leterminus]

Alex G - Bobby

[turnedturquoise]

I am loving this song.

[turnedturquoise]

Hey followers, this is me fucking around on the guitar playing one of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard, “We Might Be Dead By Tomorrow” by Soko. I highly recommend checking it out.. please :)

[turnedturquoise]

reblogging this because I’m nostalgic for the innocence of 18 yr old Abby

[turnedturquoise]

I didn’t know how love could be. I thought I knew its potential, but that kind of connection.. wow. You showed me within a matter of days. You made me feel those things. And I could never blame you for that. But the cruelest thing you did was make me believe you felt them, too. I DIDN’T WANT TO DATE YOU. I SHUT YOU DOWN. I DIDN’T EVEN WANT TO KISS YOU AT FIRST because I KNEW what could happen. And you had to go and prove yourself worthy, you had to go and make me trust you and your love. You were so good, I sometimes still believe that you loved me and were “protecting me” or something. But that’s bull shit. You never cared. People who care don’t leave without closure. People who care at least fucking say goodbye. 

[turnedturquoise]

I can remember this feeling. It makes me so, so sad.

[filmaticbby]

Edward Scissorhands (1990) dir. Tim Burton

[timeanddisregard]

[turnedturquoise]

the strength in souls

from the first time you exit a cavern you are indebted to the Woman, the strength in her pillars and shoulders and lower back, in her elasticity and steel shelter. there is strength in the soft, of tender touch and fire.

[inahiddenplace]

me experiencing a particularly beautiful moment in life: damn… that cinematography..

[turnedturquoise]

no matter how non-religious I am, my Judaism will always be an integral part of my identity.