NYC: My Grimy, Demanding, All-Consuming City of Choice
Who knew it’d be such a beautiful and stressful relationship.
The first time I stepped into New York City I was seven years old. It wasn’t even a year after 9/11, so it was an interesting time to first be introduced to the area. My family and I did the whole tourist loop of the town. This included venturing into the base of the Statue of Liberty (since no one was allowed any higher up), finding my relatives’ names on documents in Ellis Island’s system, looking down from the Empire State Building… the whole show. We even took photos on the subway! I don’t remember it that clearly now, but all I knew is that when I stepped into the city again as an 18 year-old, I was definitely going to get the real New York Experience.
I left home with so many things holding me back. I knew that after I left, my life would honestly never be the same again. I was moving part of my life to the other side of the country and before college I never really had been away from home, let alone away from my parents, for longer than a week. I knew early on that this was going to be a huge change. A majority of my friends were staying back in Florida, and I was the idiot who decided to be brave and go to a university over a thousand miles away. Thankfully, now I can look back and say I wouldn’t have picked anywhere else to be.
New York is scary at first. It was like the city was going out of its way to make me feel like an outsider. I used to feel personally offended when the express bus wouldn’t drop me off at the local stop I usually got off at. When wandering around unfamiliar streets, my fellow pedestrians wouldn’t look at me for shit, yet it felt like a million eyes were on me at all times. The worst was being teased by people stopping to ask for directions. They’d ask if I knew where Christopher Street was and I’d have to solemnly sigh that I was new to the area. The city was much larger than my hometown, and even more ferocious and crazier than Miami on a Friday night. The people are fast, sharp, and beautifully intimidating. The subway smelled of urine and the faces of its daily takers were grey and worn, but as I familiarized myself with the F train, I smiled as I dreamed of the incredible future I was building for myself. Regardless of how cold my first winter was, the lights seemed to sparkle a little brighter than usual. I would trudge through murky, black sludge any day to make sure I could take a hold of the opportunities at hand.
Freshmen new to the NYC make sure to go to any event they can, especially if it’s free and not 21+. My first semester, I saw the tree lighting in Rockefeller Center, one week I went to five concerts in a row, and if there was a food event going on in the Lower East Side, you sure as hell knew I was getting my ass down there to try the new Dominique Ansel creation. It was exciting, and New York was an unfamiliar place to explore with so much glamour.
As the year went on, I realized I made friends with the wrong people, so the city became a place for me to runaway to. Whenever I was feeling upset or overwhelmed, I’d hopped on the subway and was able to go anywhere I wanted. I felt so free and independent. I’d just go to wander through the park or a museum on any given day, because why not?! I’d take myself out to dinner or sing the night away alone at a concert. The city became my best companion and nothing was slowing me down.
When I came back the following Fall, I felt like the shit. New York City and I were familiar, I was known on campus, and damn everything was going well. I had a great group of friends that made me feel like I could do anything. One of my friends, Blake, would literally sit and rant about how cool we were. This was my life. We’d chill in the dorms listening to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, and run around campus late at night. The only thing hurting me was the dining hall.
In the following Spring semester, I studied abroad, and even while in Paris, Rome, or wherever I found myself, I felt like part of me was left behind in New York. I longed for the stress and the grime. I longed for the constant anxiety. It motivated me and has helped me be more successful. I missed out on some opportunities while gone, but I knew the city would be waiting for me when I returned.
And here we are. It’s my third year living in here, and I think NYC and I have more of a mutual understanding. I was in Dumbo a few weeks ago, coming back from a book event, and while walking under the Brooklyn Bridge, as I do every once in a while, I realized how I have changed and how New York has a completely different feel to me now. I know streets and districts and where to go for what. I used to be so concerned with what was happening an hour away from campus at all times. I would drag my lifeless body to and from Manhattan multiple times a week to gain whatever new experiences I could, but now I know I don’t have to wear myself out all the time.
I enjoy Queens. I am currently sitting in the kitchen of my apartment typing this as a yard worker blows leaves from out of the street five stories down. I live right by Jamaica Estates and I even have a nice tree outside my window. I love Manhattan and I love going out there to see what’s good, but now that I’ve been around for a while, I’m glad that I don’t feel the need to be throwing myself out there whenever I have an afternoon off. I can tell when something is actually worth the commute.
I can’t believe I would go out in the middle of winter to stand in line for eight hours to get into a show, but it was fun in a weird way. It builds character. I’m glad I got to look at the NYC with a somewhat fresh pair of eyes, and obviously three years is not even close to enough time to truly understand and know the intricacies of the city. I plan on staying around for a while, so I guess we’ll see how the city and I continue to grow together
MUSIC!
Music is extremely important to me. It always reflects my mood and what I'm thinking about. This playlist is kind of sporadic, but is a good overview of what I’ve been listening to for the past couple of years.
Click here to check it out!
