WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID

[turtlesandshortstories]

i was never good at tell you how i felt, but you...

you were never good at showing me.

[turtlesandshortstories]

the day i hoped to save myself

you say it was fate that we met last summer,

two ends of a string intertwined in the hands of the Ropemaker, a cosmic connection that can’t be severed by a pair of flimsy scissors. is that supposed to make me   believe that you love me?

i could cut that thread with my teeth.

when i tripped on that godforsaken sidewalk it was only luck that i fell into your arms and not the street, kissed by your lips instead of the black volvo screaming past the moment

i was saved. my prince, i wish you didn’t love that story so much:          the day you became somebody’s hero.

i wish you’d let that volvo hit me.

[turtlesandshortstories]

an elegy

you should have left me then. but how do i tell someone who loves me that the last time i opened my bible was before the summer i controlled time, lying in the sands of another part of the world as the waves roared with promise? there are no more reasons to stay. and how do i tell someone who loves me that the last time i prayed i still believed miracles happened to people like us, clinging to nights that melted into memories of little sleep and endless journeys home? even God would have left by now.

[turtlesandshortstories]

dibs

i am suddenly too distracted

by all the cracks in the pavement,

counting the spaces between what was

and what is,

to hear the whispered smiles that

must only be shared by two. i hate that

there is silence where

there shouldn’t be.

[modernpendu]

[turtlesandshortstories]

i never did like 

the bitter taste of coffee, 

but you loved it.

so i tortured myself 

with bitter,

             two-sip cups, 

hoping that one day

my taste buds would finally 

change their mind;

they never did. 

and neither did you. 

[turtlesandshortstories]

She Believed for Me

Mom traced words across my skin with the hope that I’d somehow find the truth in them when I needed to take out the demons running circles through my thoughts. Her words became the defensive barrier that deflected the insignificant voices of anyone who told me otherwise; her pride in me beating out like the taiko drum: strong,   dedicated,   focused.

But words are fragile, and so are promises.And faith.And confidence.   And love. It takes years to stack them up and build a fortress strong enough to withstand a hurricane, but only seconds to blow away all the progress, erasing the words Mom spent so much time tattooing to my armor. Strong, dedicated, focused so easily replaced by           worthless.             stupid.                 weak.

Mom didn’t tell me to believe in myself; instead, she showed me her empty hands and in them were all the times she ever doubted me.

                                 In them, were also the number of times I believed in myself.

[turtlesandshortstories]

username: starfinder619.7

password: uc@ntr3@chth3m     

        keep hidden

password hint: chase them

[turtlesandshortstories]

You don't know anything at eighteen

six-word memoir

[turtlesandshortstories]

If I die tonight, I think I would like to come back as your morning coffee. Just as strong and just as necessary

Tyler Knott Gregson

[turtlesandshortstories]

I am always so distracted by our conversations, consumed by them for hours after we have each gone our own way, but I know they don’t mean anything to you or to me. 

Yet, I am struck by the soft blonde hair that only angels possess and the whisper of a smile when you shake your head at me. I can’t hide the light in my own eyes when I make you laugh, the low sound of sweet rain echoing from your throat in genuine amusement. And I wonder... does it really mean nothing at all?

[turtlesandshortstories]

Nothing Can Last

I thought I found the one thing that couldn’t be taken from me. I put my love and trust and energy into becoming a part of it, at becoming the best I can possibly be, but instead, God reminds me that I am mortal and so are the things I love.

[turtlesandshortstories]

Don’t waste it--once it’s gone it’s never coming back.

Don’t forget to say “I love you” before you leave because you just never know.

Life’s too short for fooling around, getting lost, and fighting meaningless battles. Be intentional. Love until you have nothing left to give. 

Time’s running out. You know it, I know it, but we choose to ignore it because we don’t want to face it. 

[turtlesandshortstories]

Team Bonding

Eyes wait expectantly for me to answer the question. They all answered it and now, it’s my turn; part of bonding they said, but it’s too personal. I don’t want them to know. Is it really so wrong to not want to share your weaknesses with people who will never really understand you? People who will only know this one piece of you, but never bother to ask for the rest of the story? I know I won’t talk to them about their lives anytime soon so why should I have to share mine?

But they still wait for me like all their time is devoted to this one moment.

“Come on,” Makenna urges, “what are you afraid of?”

A lot. Right now? “This question,” I swallow.

What’s my biggest fear? they asked. Are you freaking kidding me with this? Why couldn’t they ask what we love most in the world? Our passions? Our dreams? Why our fears? Who the hell wants to think--even worse, talk--about that?

“Seriously.” I can tell by Makenna’s tone and the slight roll of her eyes that she’s getting frustrated and I can see the rest of the room becoming restless, too. This is so stupid.

I sigh, looking towards the back where Luke sits quietly with his arms crossed, leaning back in his chair as his gaze pierces mine. You terrify me.

“I’m scared of the dark,” I say and they look at me as if this is the most anti-climatic moment of their life, which it might as well be. “There’s so much uncertainty in it. Even if you get used to the idea, letting your eyes adjust to the new atmosphere, something shifts and suddenly you’re plunged back into the unknown where anything can grab you. It’s that unknown that scares me, it’s that fear of…” I glance at Luke, “not seeing what could shatter at that very moment.”

[turtlesandshortstories]

Don’t Tell Me You Loved Me When We Both Know You Never Did

“Why do we fall in love with the wrong people?” she whispered, staring at the dewy grass at her feet. “Why does God allow these feelings to take over who we are and make us believe that they are real and true? Because they aren’t real, are they? The people we love don’t love us back. 

You didn’t love me. You left me wondering if there is even a God out there at all.”

There were tears as she looked up at the sky, the stars reflecting all the brightness they once had before they became dull. “Sometimes, it seems like there’s only cruelty left.”

[turtlesandshortstories]

I promised myself better. I wasn’t going to keep walking down the path of self-destruction for a boy that would never love me like I wanted him to. I wasn’t going to believe the lies he told me, the smiles he casted my way, or the rumors I wanted so badly to be right.

I promised to move on.

And I did. I sealed up the walls and filled in the cracks of my broken heart because I didn’t want to experience that pain ever again, but I didn’t account for you.

Sweet, gentle, kind.

You spin me in circles as we float across the ballroom, and I laugh like I’ve never been hurt by a slightly shorter version of you. I laugh like I’m in love with you because I think that one day I could be and you smile because you’re falling for me; I can see it in your eyes, but as it grows, something in me snaps.

Because I’m not sweet or gentle or kind. I am broken, cold, and scared.

My hand falls from yours, and before I have a chance to think, I hear my footsteps beat against the wet asphalt, my head screaming at me to stop, to turn around and face my fears, to give the boy a chance to heal me with more than plaster of Paris, but my heart keeps pounding, urging me onward.

I don’t stop. I don’t look back. I keep running.

[turtlesandshortstories]

i'm not scared of the monsters  hidden underneath my bed. i'm much more scared  of the boys with messy brown hair, sleepy eyes, & mouths that only know how to form half-truths.

the princess saves herself in this one