Herro @turtlesrule420 - Tumblr Blog

I just don’t know why or how I feel right now. “Blah” is the only word I feel that fits. Just my brain and energy. Blah.

It’s true what they say… they always come back.

Anxiety.

It’s always been a struggle for me. Really. More like a mountain I’m climbing every single day. Some days I’m at the top and others I fell down.

Lately I have fallen way too far than I would like. And it’s all from my own doing. But as I am calm right now… I feel like this might be a turning point for me. A self discovering moment of my life.. what I thought I wanted and was fine with.. seems like I want something different. And what I thought I was fine with, I’m not. Thanks to all these feelings punching me in the face. Feelings that I haven’t felt in years…

Here’s to puffy eyes in the morning..

myk31

poetry-siir

I wish I could hug my younger self and tell her you don’t have to try so hard. The people that really care about you will stick with you. If they don’t like you.. leave them alone.

I tried so hard to fit in with the cool crowd.. when really they weren’t cool at all. I tried so hard to try and make certain boys like me.. when all I was doing was being so annoying 😅 and those guys were total dicks anyway.

I was the chubby kid that no boy liked. It wasn’t until I got skinny in middle school.. then boys wanted to like me. Smh….

I was looking thru old notes in my phone.. I keep note of dreams, my feelings, anything.

I just think it’s amazing looking back.. how hard it was at the time, dealing with the feelings I had. And to now. Still facing hard feelings.. but it is nothing compared to the ones then. Amazing how growth.. coping.. dealing with things differently. Still working on certain things but. Man… crazy.

Bubble bath. To relax and let go.

Bubble bath. A bath I’d love to be so much bigger. But we make do.

Bubble bath. That does not hold water, but sinks thru.

Thru the cracks and crevices of this old Dijon mustard colored tub insert.

I hear the water. Dripping.. draining. Onto the ground below. I’ve overfilled the tub with bubbles and sorrow.

Slipping into the tub as my neck and face draw near to the water.

Trying to control my breathing because I am breathing so fast, but not out of air.

Probably because I rely on a vape to help cope with the stress.

As I lean my head back. The insert and the wall make a crackling noise.

As if the old crackle nail polish we use to use made a noise.

I lay here. Body half covered in water and bubbles. As my stomach and knees are exposed to the heated air of my home. With a glass of mixed drink, my vape, and a blunt roach. Just in case I want to smoke.

Writing this. For no clear intention. Besides just writing what I see comes to mind.

Maybe it will sound like a poem of some sorts.

Or am I too illiterate for that?

Whatever you take this as.

This is my thoughts. In the bath.

I miss living by myself.

Ever get so mad and go into this rage that makes you want to break stuff so your anger can be let out because you suck at saying how you feel to people and it’s really frustrating? I would definitely destroy a whole room at one of those rage places. Where they have a bunch of stuff in a room and give you a baseball bat to just destroy. I think that’s what I need to do.

Don’t f with me in the morning. Chances are you’re gonna end up being mad because I’m mad. Don’t f with me in the morning.

#morning #big mad #not a morning person

kevingetem

be my homie & my baby.

turtlesrule420

This is what I’ll be

racefaker

So Captain Underpants explores the friendship between a gay boy and a black bisexual boy and y’all wanna say Beauty and the Beast was the pinnacle of gay representation in children’s films huh