this is the last i'm going to speak on this or any drama on this page as i understand things are going to spread after a post like that but then i'm truly done responding or even looking at anything like this regardless of intent in showing me .
i know that not everyone is caught up on all of the lore . there are people that have screenshots and whatnot of me saying some nasty things in various contexts regarding people i've had conflicts with in the past . i've said awful things in emotionally elevated moments , almost always in the context of believing i had a safe space to vent frustrations .
this is not a matter of mutually assured destruction , and if you think it is you're missing the point . the people i know are truly my friends are the people that would 1 understand the progress i've made as a person since even the most recent of these conflicts and allow me the space to either disprove or take accountability for and figure out how to learn from ANYTHING i've done that's hurt someone whether i knew it or not . but they're also the people who wouldn't be trying to escalate a conflict they know can only CAUSE fallout everywhere when we could all just peacefully coexist . there's a reason it's taken me so long to speak on a lot of this , and why i've withheld so much even now .
if i end up with a small handful or less of writing partners and an entire rest of the site that hates me that's fine , as long as i can be allowed the basic respect of having a space for those few people . that is quite literally all i'm asking for , and i hate that it took this to be heard . but i'm done being scared to do what i love based on different social mistakes that i have worked so hard to learn and understand and grow from . if you need to go thanks for the opportunity , and if you want to stay i appreciate you but don't feel obligated .
so i was apparently wrong . according to what ive been told there is some backlash and / or disbelief that i could possibly just want to exist in a place where i'm not constantly witch hunted and antagonized by multiple different parties ( based almost entirely on libel ) while i try to heal from my actual real human life , so i just figured i should let you know guys know i finally tried to kill myself the other day 🤍
out of fear of being made to look like someone attempting to play the victim when there are TINY crumbs of truth spread among outrageous rumors and lies based in pettiness and gossip and assumptions , i haven't said one word outside of a select few dms ( many of which are among the SEVERAL people who have made this post necessary ) about COUNTLESS malicious , toxic , and downright childish behaviors displayed toward me despite everything i've attempted to juggle in real life at the same time . and every safe space ive thought i had since the first huge trauma has turned out to not be safe for me . but that's apparently ENTIRELY my fault so once again i'll take accountability when no one else wants to .
i'm sorry that i've shared so much of myself on this site . i'm sorry that i've acted human and made mistakes . i have and will ALWAYS take accountability when i do something wrong , but what i will not do is continue to allow this to snowball to a place where i'm getting people telling me about attempts to antagonize me or destroy my character multiple times a week . i'm sorry that i'm so scared of conflict that i've let anyone and their mom say whatever they want about me and kept my mouth shut . and i'm sorry it took me this long to grow a backbone .
unfortunately i only have screenshots to disprove some of the slander that's been leveled toward me , and i honestly just don't even have the energy to expose everything i do have , so i'm just going to give y'all what i can to prove that i'm just trying to exist and do what i love . truthfully i'm not even sure why i'm giving the respect of retaining names but you know what ? everyone involved already knows who they are and how they've contributed and why , so it's not my goal to tear anyone down beyond clearing my own name .
and then i'm going to block anyone that i feel necessary to protect my peace , something you all love to champion until it's me doing it . and then i'm going to do some replies for the people i know know and care about me and continue to write characters i love and heal my relationship with media that's been all but ruined and run my page how i want to run it . and i'm going to be incredibly selective about who i open myself up to in the future .
this place is my escape from shit you guys know absolutely nothing about and i will not let snowball fallout from mistakes i made in the past and petty behavior over who i write with ruin that for me . i just wont . if you need to go unfollow or block after reading any of this have at it , i am perfectly content to write with the people that have bothered to get to know and understand my true character .
when i abruptly downsized earlier this year , keeping the partners and threads i found it easiest to keep up with at that moment in time while shrinking for the sake of my mental health , this was my response when the ONLY PERSON i didn't refollow that actually tried to figure out what was going on came to me in my inbox .
and this was my response when i found out that person lied and told everyone i didn't say or explain anything .
an ex of mine made an attempt to paint me as a crazy former rp partner who " never cared about him " when he was " friends with me out of pity " after finding out i told less than a handful of people about some incredibly manipulative behaviors that admittedly , bred toxic behaviors of my own . without going into detail , the narrative painted is demonstrably exaggerated and at least partially falsified . existing mutuals who would like to know which FEW parts were true are still free to message privately .
this is an OUTDATED list of the confirmed urls that have been used to stalk and antagonize me by the same person earlier this year when i became what i thought was friends with someone they were close to . i will not be addressing anything further regarding that person ; regardless of what's been said or spread around , they and i both know that friendship was not healthy for either of us and they also know that this was a HUGE reason why .
some of you know that there have been several other attempts to lie about , slander , antagonize , and villainize me since then and honestly , i'm done even entertaining it . i've had this post ready waiting for the word that another witch hunt had started as soon as i started filtering more content from my dash via blocking / unfollowing / otherwise , and that's truly sad for an internet website that's supposed to be for fun . as always , existing mutuals that genuinely would like to stay mutuals but feel they need more information or have heard about anything i haven't addressed may message me privately but beyond that i'm done .
i am not now nor have i been acting maliciously or spreading rumors or creeping anyone's page ( despite the clear evidence i've seen and or been told about CONSTANTLY over the last year that several different people have been creeping mine ) since 1 i made the mistake of engaging in behaviors like that well over a year ago , and then on a MUCH smaller and incredibly human scale , 2 as a method of coping with treatment in a relationship that i did not deserve . and as much as i appreciate people keeping me informed on behaviors like those which make this post necessary out of concern , i just don't want to hear anymore about any of it . i'm good . i'm not going anywhere , but i realize that people don't like me and it's just not my problem anymore .
but i am holding boundaries this time instead of keeping everyone's peace but my own . i know this will make it's way to whomever it may concern so i'm going to tighten up my block list and then i'm going to keep loving on and writing with and making muses with and for the people that truly care about me and i'm done being afraid to do so . this has gone on far too long and been built upon by far too many people for entirely juvenile reasons and i'm simply done . again as always feel free to disengage ; i will no longer be promoting my pages or following almost anyone back . call it hiding or being fake or a terrible friend or whatever you want but as this community LOVES to point out : nobody owes anyone anything here .
crash napped pretty hard but i'll start trying to pick at some things here and on emma in a bit lmao lemme reload the brain cells while i watch some youtube videos and then i'll see what i can do
PROMPTS FOR PEOPLE WHO DON'T SAY MUCH
* assorted dialogue for the person who doesn't say much and the person trying to talk to them, adjust as necessary
FOR THE PERSON WHO TALKS A LOT.
i heard you speak.
why don't you ever want to talk to me?
you can understand me.
are you at least going to ask me my name?
you could at least say thank you.
i just saved your life.
you spoke to them! why won't you speak to me?
are you going to say something back?
let's just stand here in awkward silence.
feels like i'm talking to myself half the time.
you don't have a lot to say.
could you at least tell me your name?
great conversation.
i'll do all the talking.
i think i'm owed an explanation.
will you please answer me?
could you at least give me a yes or no answer?
not a fan of talking, huh?
you don't have to talk if you don't want to.
i guess you don't owe me a thing.
i'm just going to call you [nickname] for now, until i learn your real name.
i know you can understand me.
where are you going?
you can't just leave me here!
what do you want me to do while you're gone?
feels like i'm talking to a wall.
i'm just going to pretend you said yes to that.
did you just huff?
don't roll your eyes at me.
if you'd just tell me what it is you want...
this would go a lot smoother if you communicated with me.
➥ 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒙𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒆𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒇𝒂𝒊𝒏𝒕 , or a fit of school - girl adjacent giggling from the towering mass of tattoo and muscle that composes her father . but the difference in manner displayed by the kaiser patriarch in comparison to bastien upon meeting a storied hero of both ? one would think he held no fondness at all for the revered footballer . a couple of further dates had been worked in between the bumbling realization and her tickets' game , center back proving charming enough that lydia had not only utilized the third , but made no attempt to obfuscate when asked how such proximity to the pitch had been achieved . to the contrary , she'd gone so far as to allow slight digits to rest upon the athlete's forelimbs as acquaintances were made after the game – at which point the temperature of her father's gaze had dropped ever so slightly . the drive home had been entirely bizarre , a tense amalgamation of excitement and reservation filling the air as she'd graciously answered each ❛ thank you ❜ from her brother before following leon into his office upon arrival .
❝ 𝒑𝒂𝒑𝒂 , 𝒊𝒔𝒕 𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒔𝒄𝒉 ? ❞ timbre is soft as she gently closes the door , hitting play on a random playlist on her phone and leaving it to play beside the door in attempt to deter any lycanthropic espionage perpetrated by the rest of the family . ❝ sie wissen wer das war , oder ? ❞ everything within the young wolf had anticipated excitement should her dad get to see the potential for both a happy daughter and a bond with an athlete he admires . that she dates at all has never seemed a significant issue before , certainly not since entering her twenties ; so it is with dumbfounded uncertainty that the blonde continues . ❝ du liebst ihn ! und er ist so nett ! was ist denn da passiert ? ❞ defeated frown contorts plush brims as she slips into a vacant chair , doe eyes carefully scrutinizing the features of her father's expression . ❝ we've only been on a few dates so far , but . . . he's really kind , papa . he wouldn't even let me pay him for those tickets ! please say you'll be nice to him ? for me ? ❞
today turned into more of a self care day BUT i'm here i'm gonna try and pick at some things and then maybe go to watch some highcraft videos until i crash unless i get on a roll writing ( big if true )
2087
kianamaiart
romaincrisis
germansingergirl
blakekathryn
