Moonchild

What's left of my heart is still golden

[twinflamepoetry]

You left scorchmarks on my heart

Aren't you going to come back and put the fire out?

I was all blooming and beautiful before you

Why did you do this?

I'm burning alive

.

.

.

.

[twinflamepoetry]

I know love exists

I see it in the gentle way the moonlight spills onto my bed,

And the violent way my friends hug each other and spin until breathless and dizzy with it

I know love exists because the universe loves me

She leaves flowers near the road for me to see on the drive to work

She pulls the clouds away to let the sun kiss my cheeks and hair

I know love exists because I see it everywhere

I see it in the old man buying flowers at 7am in the grocery store

I see it in the notes scrawled across bar bathroom walls, professing undying love in unprecedented times for barely acquainted lovers

Lovers

The sun and moon, the salt and pepper shakers, the red and silver cars that have lived in the same driveway for as long as anyone can remember.

I know love exists, because I exist, and I am so incredibly full of it.

[twinflamepoetry]

Sometimes I wonder if I was made too soft for this world.

I pray that the dead animals on the side of the road make it to heaven.

I pray that there is a heaven.

I pray that there's something out there worth praying to.

The world will not remember my kindness.

One day, they will cut down a tree,

and they won't wonder why the rings I scratched my name into

burn a little bit warmer

than the rest.

.12/24

[twinflamepoetry]

I Think Love is Something That Happens

to Other People

like winning the lottery / or finding God in your

sock drawer.

I think love is something

that happens to other people-nebulous,

distant, an invention of the movies; I think love is

like death/as in,

it happens to everyone but you

until it happens / to you,

and then where else could you be

but in love? Where else could you be but in

the belly of the beast, / that oozing cavern

where people go in fairy tales? I think

love

is a creation. I think maybe you shape it

with your hands, I think maybe you find it

stuck in your molars, I think maybe it comes to you

when you're in the shower, your face tilted

towards the water while your mind melts somewhere

else, I think maybe

we've all been naming it

wrong.

You know that love? That falling-to-your-knees love?

That where'd-the-water-go love? That

hold-me-close-I'll-never-leave-I-know-your-favorite coffee-creamer love? That what-we-talk-about-when-

we

talk-about-love love ? You ever felt that? I mean,

really felt any of that? / Yeah, tell me again

how you feel it. Yeah, tell me again / how it fills

the chest, fills the head, fills the

lungs. Tell me

again

what it means to find God in your sock drawers. Tell

me

again.

[twinflamepoetry]

My heart is so full of you I can't even call it mine anymore

How lovely to be so entangled that even our sock drawers are intertwined

That's what real love is, I think.

Now that I have it

Making sure the laundry is folded in the way they like it

Kissing at stoplights

I'm learning that loving someone is supposed to be easy

When reciprocated it should make you feel safe

Something so foreign to me

Im learning not to flinch away at the hands of it

I am less bite these days

I sleep through the night now

And for the first time in my life

I am excited to wake up

.

.

.

NRB 12/30/23

[twinflamepoetry]

Some people enter your life so unceremoniously

But when I saw you

I swear the pivoting stopped

And here now if I had known what despite it all, would become of us,

I would said "hello, you look like the rest of my life."

Not "Nice to meet you, what was your name again?"

Because one day, just maybe

It would be my name too

[twinflamepoetry]

More more more

I'm told I have an addictive personality

But I don't think that's exactly true

I only turn the volume up till my ears bleed

I take a pill and want 4

I Hit 100 and press the gas a little more

I take shot and want to feel the dizziness until I'm numb

I take a hit and want to fade away

I shove my tongue down the throat of love and still I want

More more more

Maybe addictive isn't the right word

Obsessive

Compulsive

Demanding

I look at life and scream

Give me more

More

More

[twinflamepoetry]

Saving stories for sundays

Has anyone ever helped you without you feeling the weight of the guilt after?

As if admitting you're not okay is worth an apology

Do you not feel worthy of it?

Of people who love you listening? Or their love as a concept in total?

Can you not fathom that some people keep you in their lives

Not for what you can do

But for who you are?

Do you love who that is?

Can you stand her anymore?

How can you ever hope for others be gentle when your hands shake so much when holding your heart up to the light?

What is the weight of blood?

The value of it?

Is it Sunday therapy and lakeside mornings and "I'll always be there for you"s?"

When will you accept the love you give so freely to everyone else?

Have you learned anything from past lovers or are you doomed to search for them in another's eyes?

Will you ever start leaving when "I love you" comes with a fist?

Will he love you like them?

The family you made?

Or the blocked numbers in your phone and blurry memories?

If he asks to stay

To love you

Will you let him?

[twinflamepoetry]

You'll get to live your life and forget me

But I'm losing most of mine

And I lied and said I was sick

That's why I lost my voice

Not wearing my throat ragged

From crying over you

But that's what you'll always see me as

A liar

I only lied when I said I was okay

Over and over and over

[twinflamepoetry]

If you hold me without hurting me you'll be the first that ever did

[twinflamepoetry]

I will love you until I am dirt in our garden

Then I will love you as the fruit that grows

[twinflamepoetry]

We're born into this life

Knowing someday we must die

So when I'm gone

I hope the universe

Will hold him like I used to

Somewhere under my bed there's a notebook

Begging God for someone who would love me half as much as he does.

I hope he never sees it

And that I never have to write in it again

I would burn it if I wasn't so afraid it might release this spell I have on him

How else could I justify deserving this?

Healers always have the bloodiest hands

Every night I'm scared I've stained him permanently

By holding him with them.

I never want to live in a world where he looks at me with anything but love

But I'm scared one day he'll realize

I'm not worth half the pages he's written his feelings for me in

.

.

.

.

JLH

2/14

[maniccherrygirl]

I actually can’t do this anymore

[twinflamepoetry]

Even if we spent eternity together

I'd still beg God for more time with you

[twinflamepoetry]

I've already mourned you

Before I've even lost you

I know exactly how it'll feel

I've rehearsed the lines

Worn black and planted roses at our grave

I've already seen the woman I become after you leave me

All sharp teeth and iron skin

She's beautiful

And terrifying

She dreams of fire and flesh

And doesn't let anyone touch her

drinking loneliness like wine

The twisted glory of a Goddess who's lost all her worshipers

I see her when I look into the mirrors past dark

Maybe it is her who I pray to

.

.

.

.

.

AIS 22/11/22

[twinflamepoetry]

How do I stop carrying everything that has happened to me?

It's a cold morning before the sun has made his appearance,

My boss asks why I am still at work

"Go home to your family." She says

But how do I tell her

The overwork and weary

Is the only way to quiet my mind?

My body aches and my head is numb with the thoughts of rest

A brief respite from the deep dark pool of thoughts I've been treading

The best way to the grave is one dug yourself

With open to closes and sleepless nights

I wonder which will give out first

My aching spine

Or weary mind

.

.

.

.

5 till 5

AIS 18/10/22

[twinflamepoetry]

The feeling of your heart rotting inside your chest

The smell of it, like dirty dishes and overslept in sheets

Stagnant

A neglected garden, all wilted and root-rot that desperately needs tending

The negative side of love

The absence of it

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.

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