You left scorchmarks on my heart
Aren't you going to come back and put the fire out?
I was all blooming and beautiful before you
Why did you do this?
I'm burning alive
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@twinflamepoetry
You left scorchmarks on my heart
Aren't you going to come back and put the fire out?
I was all blooming and beautiful before you
Why did you do this?
I'm burning alive
.
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.
I know love exists
I see it in the gentle way the moonlight spills onto my bed,
And the violent way my friends hug each other and spin until breathless and dizzy with it
I know love exists because the universe loves me
She leaves flowers near the road for me to see on the drive to work
She pulls the clouds away to let the sun kiss my cheeks and hair
I know love exists because I see it everywhere
I see it in the old man buying flowers at 7am in the grocery store
I see it in the notes scrawled across bar bathroom walls, professing undying love in unprecedented times for barely acquainted lovers
Lovers
The sun and moon, the salt and pepper shakers, the red and silver cars that have lived in the same driveway for as long as anyone can remember.
I know love exists, because I exist, and I am so incredibly full of it.
Sometimes I wonder if I was made too soft for this world.
I pray that the dead animals on the side of the road make it to heaven.
I pray that there is a heaven.
I pray that there's something out there worth praying to.
The world will not remember my kindness.
One day, they will cut down a tree,
and they won't wonder why the rings I scratched my name into
burn a little bit warmer
than the rest.
.12/24
I Think Love is Something That Happens
to Other People
like winning the lottery / or finding God in your
sock drawer.
I think love is something
that happens to other people-nebulous,
distant, an invention of the movies; I think love is
like death/as in,
it happens to everyone but you
until it happens / to you,
and then where else could you be
but in love? Where else could you be but in
the belly of the beast, / that oozing cavern
where people go in fairy tales? I think
love
is a creation. I think maybe you shape it
with your hands, I think maybe you find it
stuck in your molars, I think maybe it comes to you
when you're in the shower, your face tilted
towards the water while your mind melts somewhere
else, I think maybe
we've all been naming it
wrong.
You know that love? That falling-to-your-knees love?
That where'd-the-water-go love? That
hold-me-close-I'll-never-leave-I-know-your-favorite coffee-creamer love? That what-we-talk-about-when-
we
talk-about-love love ? You ever felt that? I mean,
really felt any of that? / Yeah, tell me again
how you feel it. Yeah, tell me again / how it fills
the chest, fills the head, fills the
lungs. Tell me
again
what it means to find God in your sock drawers. Tell
me
again.
My heart is so full of you I can't even call it mine anymore
How lovely to be so entangled that even our sock drawers are intertwined
That's what real love is, I think.
Now that I have it
Making sure the laundry is folded in the way they like it
Kissing at stoplights
I'm learning that loving someone is supposed to be easy
When reciprocated it should make you feel safe
Something so foreign to me
Im learning not to flinch away at the hands of it
I am less bite these days
I sleep through the night now
And for the first time in my life
I am excited to wake up
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NRB 12/30/23
Some people enter your life so unceremoniously
But when I saw you
I swear the pivoting stopped
And here now if I had known what despite it all, would become of us,
I would said "hello, you look like the rest of my life."
Not "Nice to meet you, what was your name again?"
Because one day, just maybe
It would be my name too
More more more
I'm told I have an addictive personality
But I don't think that's exactly true
I only turn the volume up till my ears bleed
I take a pill and want 4
I Hit 100 and press the gas a little more
I take shot and want to feel the dizziness until I'm numb
I take a hit and want to fade away
I shove my tongue down the throat of love and still I want
More more more
Maybe addictive isn't the right word
Obsessive
Compulsive
Demanding
I look at life and scream
Give me more
More
More
Saving stories for sundays
Has anyone ever helped you without you feeling the weight of the guilt after?
As if admitting you're not okay is worth an apology
Do you not feel worthy of it?
Of people who love you listening? Or their love as a concept in total?
Can you not fathom that some people keep you in their lives
Not for what you can do
But for who you are?
Do you love who that is?
Can you stand her anymore?
How can you ever hope for others be gentle when your hands shake so much when holding your heart up to the light?
What is the weight of blood?
The value of it?
Is it Sunday therapy and lakeside mornings and "I'll always be there for you"s?"
When will you accept the love you give so freely to everyone else?
Have you learned anything from past lovers or are you doomed to search for them in another's eyes?
Will you ever start leaving when "I love you" comes with a fist?
Will he love you like them?
The family you made?
Or the blocked numbers in your phone and blurry memories?
If he asks to stay
To love you
Will you let him?
You'll get to live your life and forget me
But I'm losing most of mine
And I lied and said I was sick
That's why I lost my voice
Not wearing my throat ragged
From crying over you
But that's what you'll always see me as
A liar
I only lied when I said I was okay
Over and over and over
If you hold me without hurting me you'll be the first that ever did
I will love you until I am dirt in our garden
Then I will love you as the fruit that grows
We're born into this life
Knowing someday we must die
So when I'm gone
I hope the universe
Will hold him like I used to
Somewhere under my bed there's a notebook
Begging God for someone who would love me half as much as he does.
I hope he never sees it
And that I never have to write in it again
I would burn it if I wasn't so afraid it might release this spell I have on him
How else could I justify deserving this?
Healers always have the bloodiest hands
Every night I'm scared I've stained him permanently
By holding him with them.
I never want to live in a world where he looks at me with anything but love
But I'm scared one day he'll realize
I'm not worth half the pages he's written his feelings for me in
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JLH
2/14
I actually can’t do this anymore
Even if we spent eternity together
I'd still beg God for more time with you
I've already mourned you
Before I've even lost you
I know exactly how it'll feel
I've rehearsed the lines
Worn black and planted roses at our grave
I've already seen the woman I become after you leave me
All sharp teeth and iron skin
She's beautiful
And terrifying
She dreams of fire and flesh
And doesn't let anyone touch her
drinking loneliness like wine
The twisted glory of a Goddess who's lost all her worshipers
I see her when I look into the mirrors past dark
Maybe it is her who I pray to
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AIS 22/11/22
How do I stop carrying everything that has happened to me?
It's a cold morning before the sun has made his appearance,
My boss asks why I am still at work
"Go home to your family." She says
But how do I tell her
The overwork and weary
Is the only way to quiet my mind?
My body aches and my head is numb with the thoughts of rest
A brief respite from the deep dark pool of thoughts I've been treading
The best way to the grave is one dug yourself
With open to closes and sleepless nights
I wonder which will give out first
My aching spine
Or weary mind
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5 till 5
AIS 18/10/22
The feeling of your heart rotting inside your chest
The smell of it, like dirty dishes and overslept in sheets
Stagnant
A neglected garden, all wilted and root-rot that desperately needs tending
The negative side of love
The absence of it
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