Making Myself Understood @twofacedidentity - Tumblr Blog

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perfectfeelings

“The cost of not following your heart is spending the rest of your life wishing you had.”

— Unknown

perfectfeelings

“One of the hardest decisions you’ll ever face in life is choosing whether to walk away or try harder.”

— Ziad K. Abdelnour

quotefeeling

“It’s sad isn’t it? I once thought worlds of you and now you’re just another lesson.”

— Beau Taplin, The Lesson

thoughtkick

“The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.”

— Law of Attraction

radical-revolution

Snippets of what has been.

It has been a while. Well, not a 'while' while. Pero I haven't been able to share what's on my mind. The week has been a long one. Akalain mo, nag-escort ako for SDO Bulacan noong Singkaaban. It was a good experience naman dahil being with Shara made it fun and better. Nagpa-tournament rin ako ng 3x3 sa intrams. Marami ring ganap. Haha.

Pero sa gitna noong mga ganap na iyon, nakapag-reflect lang ako and nakapagisip. May naisip ako kagabi eh. For whatever reason, hindi ko alam what made me go back and think. Siguro matagal na rin kasi.

POV shift na tayo.

Time spent with you has made me learn that I wanted a life with you. Lagi kong naiisip 'yon in the past. I thought of futures with you. Those were fun days, to say the least. Most of them, I really planned, at least sa isip ko. Those were the days na naisip ko rin na I would not be able to do the future with you. Totoo 'yon. Siguro dala na rin ng super emotional attachment. Iba rin kasi 'yong connection na I had with you back then. Hindi ko ikakaila 'yon. Kasi, totoo rin 'yon.

Time spent away from you made me realize na kaya ko naman pala ang wala ka. Or at least, kinakaya. After all, wala rin naman akong choice. I am happy naman to say the least rin. Pero I would be lying if I say na I wanted it to turn this way. Iba rin kasi 'yong appeal of having you in my life. Siguro nga, it was not really meant to be. Or my actions made it seem na it was not. Pero, sa totoo lang, I still think of you at times. The what could have beens, and what should bes.

Well, okay na iyon. Realist naman tayo so let's deal with what is dealt to us by life. Sana, palagi kang okay kasi, after all, ang gusto ko naman is for you to be happy.

#amlify

Little things we do for people we love and care about

Tama naman sila… Kaya ngayon, magpahinga na…

Tama naman sila. Maraming beses kong sinabi na wala na. Tapos na ako. Pero hindi naman natin mapipigilan dumama ang puso. Madalas ko ring nasabi na hindi kailanman nawawala ang pagmamahal. So, for the longest time, naniwala ako doon.

Sa mga nakaraang buwan, mula month of May siguro, ilang beses nang halos mag-breakdown ang sarili ko, at masira lahat ng relationships ko because of me. Wala naman akong sisisihin sa nangyari sa mga paligid ko. Alam mo ba, kahit na napakagulo ng buhay ko noong mga panahon na iyon, at napakarami nang nagsabi, ‘di ko magawa na i-vanish nalang siya.

Tama naman sila. Ako rin talaga ‘yong umaasa. Nang lubos. Ilang beses na ring nasabi sa akin iyon. Dahil ako ang hindi tumitigil mag-chat. Papansin pa nga raw ako at parang desperado. Tama sila doon. Kasi, paminsan-minsan, nagme-message pa rin ako. Nakikita pa nga na siya ‘yong una sa search list ko. Across social media accounts. So, totoo nga. Tama nga sila. Na ako rin talaga ang may kasalanan kaya napakagulo.

Tama naman sila. Na ako talaga ang may kasalanan sa lahat. Mula sa una hanggang sa masasabi kong final moments ng ganap na ito. Which I think finally came.

The other day, I had an epiphany. Na I am forcing myself nalang. So, I really can’t move forward. Nakausad na lahat. Ako nalang raw ang hindi. Wala. Di ako makausad. Di ako makapagplano nang 100% sa mga bagay moving forward kasi, hindi pa rin ako makausad. At tama naman sila doon.

Recently, nagkasakit ako. I was really out of commission for, maybe, like, three days. Ngayong araw lang ulit ako nawalan ng sakit. Puro tulog lang ako noon. May sakit eh. I was not able to do my normal views and checks, na in reality ay frowned upon. Dahil, hindi naman nga dapat. Well, I did not nga, or maybe sa malay na meron ako.

Kaninang umaga, dahil magaling na nga ako, I went back to my normal routine. Wala akong nahanap. Wala akong nakita. Kahit saan. Naisip ko na baka nag-deactivate lang or something. Pero hindi. Kasi, pinasearch ko siya sa kasama ko. And doon ko nalaman, I am blocked. Maraming beses naman niya nang sinabi na tumigil na ako, “tantanan ko na raw siya.” Meron pa nga, wag ko raw siyang k**********. Well, it was effective, pero doon lang sa sending ng videos. Pero today, iba. Kahit saan, as in.

Doon ko na-realize, na ako na nga lang ang hindi maka-move forward. Kasi, ilang araw na rin siyang pinablock ni Judy sa akin. Muntik pa kaming mag-split dahil dito. Pero hindi ko nagawa. Totoo ito. Walang halong biro. So, ayun. Since wala na nga talaga, kahit saan, na-realize ko na wala nang kahit anong remnant of what was. Nalungkot ako, syempre. Pero doon ko na rin nilakasan ang loob ko na to really move forward.

Well, what changed? Wala na si amlify. Kasi, no longer my literature will be for that ‘you.’ Naka-block nga ako eh. Naisip ko rin na sumusulat ako, pero no longer in who I really am, but who I am no longer am. Doon kasi, nava-validate lahat ng mga gusto kong sabihin at maramdaman. Pero, parang hindi naman na iyon ako. Siguro, ito na ‘yong araw, simulang araw, para magpahinga. Ngayon, napagdesisyunan ko na, nagkaroon na ako ng resolve na umusad, kasi, nagawa niya na nga eh. And she is living her life na ngayon. It’s good. I feel. Di ako sure kasi, wala naman akong balita. Pero nasabi ko naman na before na I think life will treat her well.

What changed pa? Ako na ito. Wala nang pilit na parinig o paramdam sakan’ya. Inalis ko na lahat. Kasi, ako lang mahihirapan. Hehe. Pero masaya ako. Para sakan’ya kasi, wala na ako. At masaya rin ako para sa sarili ko, kasi, hindi na ako bihag ng parang perceived na pangarap ko in recent history. I can now live my life. And I can now write for myself. Siguro, to the highest extent, I can be myself na. Siguro, dati kasi, iniisip ko pa kung ano mararamdaman o maiisip niya. Baliw lang e ‘no?

Naging si Jc na ako sa Tiktok. Balik Making Myself Understood na sa Tumblr. At Mahogany Represent na ulit sa FB. With favorite line as the bios. Na sa katapusan ay ginawa ko ring title nitong entry na ito.

Okay na rin iyon. Salamat sa pagmamahal! I will cherish that for the rest of my life. Baunin nalang nating aral lahat ng natutunan natin mula sa isa’t isa!

twofacedidentity

Will be writing my thoughts on the movie 'The Last Goodbye' tomorrow. Will be saying my last goodbye na rin, pergaps?

twofacedidentity

Bukas nalang pala. Wala pang energy to do so.

Will be writing my thoughts on the movie 'The Last Goodbye' tomorrow. Will be saying my last goodbye na rin, pergaps?

#amlify

thedankmemes

theyuniversity

Relatable, isn’t it?

Whether you’re a student, a professional, or just a human with a to-do list and a dream, there are moments when life doesn’t quite go according to plan—or purpose. You’re not following the productive path of responsibility, nor are you reveling in the joyful lane of passion. Instead, you find yourself scrolling through social media, binge-watching a show you don’t even like, or reorganizing your closet at 2 AM. All while your tasks (and dreams) gather dust.

💥 Why Do We End Up in the Flaming Wreck?

Decision Fatigue: Constantly having to choose between obligation and desire can wear you out. So instead of choosing, you… don’t. You freeze. You stall out. And suddenly you’re upside-down on the side of the road, metaphorically (hopefully).

Perfectionism: Sometimes the fear of not doing something perfectly means we don’t do it at all. The “need to do” feels overwhelming. The “want to do” feels indulgent. So we do neither, telling ourselves we’ll start once the conditions are “just right.”

Burnout: When your mental and emotional tanks are empty, even your passions can feel like chores. The result? Numbness. Procrastination. A weird limbo of non-productivity where you’re not resting OR working. Just… flaming wreckage.

🏁 How Do We Get Back on Track?

Start small. Pick one thing you need to do or one thing you love to do, and do it for five minutes. The momentum matters more than the magnitude.

Forgive the crash. You won’t always stay in the right lane, and that’s okay. The flaming wreck isn’t failure—it’s feedback. Something’s off. Time to course-correct.

Combine the lanes. Can you turn a need into a want? Make that school project about a topic you’re passionate about. Turn your workout into a dance party. Blur the line between discipline and joy.

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Ang Relevance ng Hipon, I guess?

Allergic ako sa Hipon. Pero gusto ko ito – literally, at figuratively.

Noong isang araw lang, nakakita ako ng meme tungkol sa hipon. The meme showed the irony of humans relating to Crustaceans. Na sa ipis na considered na crustacean for land, nandidiri ang mga tao. Pero sa hipon na considered as the crustacean for the sea, gustong-gusto ng mga tao. Plus, delicacy pa siya. Natawa ako noong Nakita ko ‘yon kasi totoo naman.

Masarap ang hipon. Seryoso. Kaya nga nasabi ko na paborito ko ang hipon in a literal sense. Anumang luto nito, favorite ko siya kasi masarap naman talaga lalo na kapag may patis. Kapag tinatanong ako kung ano ang paborito kung ulam, sinigang na hipon na agad ang sagot ko doon. Wala nang sabi-sabi. Masarap naman talaga. Ang kaso, tuwing sinasabi ko ito, may kasunod. Allergic ako jan. Di rin ako kumakain ng marami. Kaya magsasabi ako ng susunod na paborito kong ulam. Unfortunately, hindi na hipon. Allergic nga eh.

Gusto ko rin ng hipon – sa figurative na sense. There are things na we hold high regard of things that we remember things and people by. At sa hipon, meron akong ganoong experience. ‘Yong hipon, it reminds me of the value of sacrifice(?). Hindi siya directly attributed sa being ng hipon but the things that I associate it with. It was one experience. I am never good at buying stuff at the market. I don’t even go to markets noong time na iyon. Pero I did. I bought hipon, sa malayong palengke pa on a very early market trip. Maraming significant things ang naa-associate ko sa hipon. Kaya nga gusto ko ito, figuratively.

Comic relief moment. Yung nabili kong hipon, maliit para sa purpose nung may kailangan. Ang ending, bumili pa ng hipon na mas malaki. Buttered shrimp. Nagluto ng buttered shrimp. Haha. At least, ngayon, alam ko na ang tamang size sa pagbili ng hipon para sa buttered shrimp. Well, may lugaw moments rin noon. Pero siguro, sa isip ko nalang ‘yon. After all, it’s something I will always have on my mind. Always.

Allergic ako sa Hipon. Pero gusto ko ito – literally, at figuratively.

#unchartedrevolution #hiponmoments #hipon #amlify