What a weekend.
I’m sorry it took me a while longer to sort out my thoughts.
This past weekend was a dream. But honestly, it feels like that everytime we’re together. From walking to Lake Tahoe, talking in your car at Pismo Beach, taking you to work at 5AM, and now, spending this past weekend with you. How we explored downtown, climbed a fire escape, and gazed out at the city lights made it probably the best first date I have ever been on. In the past dates I’ve been on, it was like we had a set schedule for everything, set lunch, set time frame for whatever we were doing, set dinner place and time, etc. Those were fun, but I thoroughly enjoyed exploring our more carefree sides with you. You, as a person, surprise me and it makes me really happy to have found someone who’s just as happy to do things as simple as what we did with me.
Overtime, I’ve put up walls and grown pretty numb to all of this so I haven’t thought about another guy like I have with you for about two years. Not from pain and heartbreak, but from learning I should never need someone and don’t want to be dependent on another person again. And yet I find myself easing into you.
You asked me, “how?” and “why me?” and I think one of the my favorite things about us is our slight but apparent differences despite all our similarities. I blows my mind how similar we are, from our history to our favorite foods, but still so unique in our own ways. It feels like we won’t lose sight of ourselves by being together - we’re not similar or weak enough to become the same person, but enough to learn from each other & make it work (hopefully). Idk if that makes sense.
Your ability to get along with whoever we meet - how I could meet people and have someone that doesn’t just follow me around feels so damn good and reassuring. You’re adaptive and able to attune to our environment with me. It’s one of the things that really set you apart from the others.
Your determination - not in pursuing me, but in what you like and don’t like, both in a significant other and in life. Feels like you found yourself before we became a thing, even though you may not have cause I honestly haven’t, but it doesn’t feel like a fling or test run with you. (I actually really, really appreciate that you weren’t full throttle in making me yours too. There’s a story there for another time.)
Your personality - your excitement, your emotions, your open mind, your willingness to try new things. It makes me want to take you everywhere. All of it is so refreshing.
Last but not least, you - your skin, your touch, your scent, your tongue. Everything about you, I want more of & I just can’t wait to be in your arms again.
I told you before that loving someone is a choice, and I think I’ve already chosen to. But I’ve got to keep fighting my urges to tell you those three words, because you’re right, I do love really easily. But when I tell you that I love you, I want it to be coming from the me that is in love with you. I don’t want to love you for how you make me feel or how I feel when I’m with you. Rather, I want to love you for what and who you are as a person, as a soul. I want to dive into all that is you the shallow sides, the chill sides, the deep dark sides of you that no one has ever reached before. I know I sound like I’m deep in, but we’ve got a long way to go. And I couldn’t be more excited to see where this keeps taking us.
I could definitely grow to love you like that though <3
