Patience
by Rebecca Millhouse
It is said that patience is a virtue. The irony of patience is that it usually pays off in the end - but if you are impatient you may spend a lifetime expressing impatient behavior and never experiencing the satisfaction of witnessing the fruits of patience.Ā
There are many areas of life that require patience. Relationships require it in order for us to experience happiness and fulfillment in the context of those relationships.
When children are small, an impatient parent can unwittingly lead to a child feeling incapable. A patient parent, by contrast, will allow a child to fumble through the learning process - even praising that child for very, very, very small, very sloppy accomplishments. This leads directly to the development of a childās self-esteem.
Life can make us feel impatient. Living in Los Angeles, traffic contributes to feelings of impatience among many members of the population. I have witnessed multiple car accidents because people are too impatient to pull over and look at their map or read/respond to text messages. This is an important lesson - Impatience can lead to inconvenient and unexpected delays.Ā
Eating fast food every day because weĀ ādonāt have the timeā to cook can lead to a shorter lifespan. It can be like selling your soul - quite literally.
Spending time on everyone and everything but your familial relationships can lead to the end of marriages and a lack of bonding with the most important people in our lives - our children. Weāve all seen the news stories about parents that forgot they had a baby in the car. Those stories rarely have happy endings.
Developing patience requires the desire to do so. Any self-talk we engage in that gives us excuses for why there isnāt time for patience must be eliminated. In my personal experience, developing systems of organization is what helps me get things done efficiently. This allows me to have patience because things get done in a timely manner so that I donāt have to rush.Ā
I have four children, a husband, living parents, friends, extended family AND I work 32 hours a week outside of my Two Touch business. If I can be patient (and organized), I hope that you feel inspired that you can too! It requires self-discipline but in my opinion, anything worth doing does.
When I look back on my life, I donāt want it to be a blur of driving, coffee, diapers and putting out small fires. I want to remember the time I spent coloring and playing dress-up with my kids. I want to create connections and memories.Ā
I am pleased to say that I have an excellent connection with my 17 year old daughter. I am proud of the young woman she has become. We spend hours on end talking about all kinds of subjects. My 16 year old son and I spin tall tales and try to out-do each other. We imagine ridiculous scenarios and ask ourselvesĀ āwhat ifā? He and I share a love of science and discuss all types of hypotheses and share new scientific discoveries weāve read about. Both children are pretty good critical thinkers. I am beginning to see the fruits of my patience with them.Ā
Then - there are my youngest two. My 12 year old daughter and I have our challenges. She is at the age where she is establishing herself as an independent person. At the moment, she really requires a lot of my patience. I want her to feel that she can make decisions for herself, and empower her with the tools to make well-informed decisions. I can say that we donāt always see eye-to-eye but I know that SHE knows that I love her, I have her back and Iām looking out for her best interest. Sometimes she hates it but I can see the love in her eyes that she has for me. There are times when that light is dim but it always comes back. There are times when I have to bite my tongue and walk away from her. Itās crucial for her budding self-esteem and sense of self-worth that I watch what I say to her. At the age of 36, I can recall with painful detail some of the unkind comments my own mother said to me when I was that age. Looking back and empathizing assists me in being patient with her.
My 18 month old is, as we speak, taking a nap. He has been teething for the past three days. Iāve slept a total of 15 hours over the past three days because he has been waking up in the middle of the night, feverish and in pain. The demands that the rest of life place on me donāt stop because Iām tired and my kids need me. I still have businesses to run, a marriage to cultivate, friends and family to connect with, a house to maintain, etc. My desire toĀ āhave it allā is what keeps me going.
What do I do to maintain my sanity with such a whirlwind existence? Itās really easy to have a glass of wine- and then another. When I do that, however, I feel sleepy and unmotivated. So I have to find healthier ways to unwind. I take a few hot baths every week. I take the time to exercise. I rarely have solid, hour long blocks in which I can exercise so I do several increments of 10, 12 or 15 minutes of exercise throughout the day. I clean as I go, chasing that dragon of a perfectly clean home. I pack my lunch with my eyes half-open in the morning so that I donāt eat fast-food throughout my day. There are many built-in habits I have developed over time that helped me become the superwoman I currently am.
My favorite thing about my life is that I donāt have time to be depressed. At this point in my life, getting out of bed isnāt an option, itās just that thing I do every morning (usually at 5:30).Ā
The fruits of my patience havenāt entirely paid off yet. But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. My life mostly brings me joy and even when Iām exhausted, I have a sense of accomplishment, which brings me satisfaction. We just celebrated the new year and in comparing where I am at the start of 2017 to where I was at the start of 2016, I got a lot done! I hope to look back on this year and be equally impressed with myself. I wish the same for you.
May peace, light and patience be with you!
Yours in health,Ā
Rebecca Millhouse