Why I Am Single and Proud of It!
Why am I single? First off, let me begin by stating this for the record, the short answer: I choose to be. And, I will continue to be without a significant other until I see an opportunity that is good. I'm a philosopher-writer. Philosophy is stated first in that hyphenated statement because I am a philosopher who writes, not a writer who philosophizes. I live my life by my philosophy, which you would learn and most likely to be happy to accept in your own practices if you took the time to get to know me. I refuse to live my life by emotion because reason will outweigh it every time.
What do I mean by this? I mean that I look at the facts. As a teenager I would message the same girl over and over, sometimes without getting a reply in between, just hoping that she a would fall for me in that instant. I knew not what love was and accepted what I thought it was, while not testing my thoughtless emotions. I'll be honest, I was a bone head and a hard one. If the girl I had crushed on was not messaging me back it meant that she wasn't interested, but my conceitedness blinded my reason and accepted my emotion. Another example? Okay. I was in a two and a half year relationship in which I was engaged, not out of my will but out threat. I was physically and mentally abused all throughout. Before I say it was her fault, as I so often did, I will let you know that it was mine. I failed to look at the facts and the road that the relationship was headed down. I had the power to choose to end the relationship after the first six months, as I had desired so badly, but instead stuck with the emotion of the fear of not having this ugly, ill-tempered, abusive, controlling girl in my life. Reason is the only means that allow people to make rational decisions. Sure, you can have a spectacular date, get kissed at the end of the night, and proclaim to the world that you are in love and will marry this person. But will they show back up the next day? Will they be there with you in a months time? A year? If you wish to interrupt me and tell me I am wrong, let me ask you a question. To those who are single: Why aren't you married to your Romeo/Juliet? To those you are in a relationship of any significance: Why do you not obey the every command of your 'better half' and cringe in fear when you go behind there back to do something you desire? To those who are married: Why do you so often fantasize about being with what you would consider the perfect husband/wife-the prince/princess who lets you do whatever you please? I wish to lead into the next section with the question that is more important than the rest-How much will your lover change you?
Impatience is a bitch. I apologize for the harsh language, but there is no other word to better describe this son of a -. Impatience is the unwillingness to earn your values. Ayn Rand, one of my favorite philosophers, describes a value by saying that it is anything that you wish to gain or keep. What my ex-girlfriend was doing by controlling my every move, even restricting me from calling my parents and siblings for over a year, was reshaping my character to match her values. She wanted to create a man that was always there, not just emotionally, but physically present as well. She pretended that one did not have to work to survive, that one did not have anything more pleasing to do but be with her, that one did not enjoy anything outside of her own sight. I do not know where her robot is, but I am sure he exists somewhere. She did not want to find the match of her most loved values, but instead wanted to reshape me to be that match. She did not want to earn my love, but instead demanded it. She was impatient. Impatience will cause one to act out of emotion. This is where a lot of unplanned pregnancies are made. Don't get me wrong here, sex should be a beautiful thing, but there is not a need to sleep around and seek love by being a whore or a player. Love for a person demands the same as it does all the other values which is compatibility, desire, and fairness. If you cannot stand an alcoholic, don't date one and wish to change him. If you do, you have no right to complain, for it is your choice that put you in the situation and your choice alone that can bring you out. More simply put, I will not take up a relationship I cannot value, just because I miss the feeling of a kiss or the excitement of arousal, and try to make it into one that I can value.
So what is compatibility? The society that you have subjected yourself to tells you that compatibility is a measure of how much a couple can put up with one another. They tell you that to be compatible you must make sacrifices. If you wish to live my the means of others desires, go for it. But quit complaining when you mind tells you that it has had enough and your heart tells you not to make the difficult choice. Compatibility is not a measure, nor is it any type of scale. Compatibility is a collection of traits. You know you have compatibility with someone when your own very actions are not questioned, unless you are in contradiction of your own true self. You are compatible when you have found the love for someone who returns the love back to you, no more or no less than you give them. You are compatible when you and your lover come to the realization that each others values may not be sacrificed for the desires of the other, knowing that selfishness is an awesome trait but only when it isn't used in the destruction of another persons mind. Compatibility is the essence of desire, being that one must desire the other just as much they are desired.
Desire in a relationship is the dream for something bigger and better together. If someone enters a relationship knowing that their life will be worse off than before, that person is giving up their right to life, acting on the opposite of production. We enter into relationships because we see it as a fulfillment to our values, which make up the foundation of our lives. It is impossible to desire something that will destroy our values, but yet it happens so often. How can this be? Emotion. Emotion is a cousin of impatience and is also a -. You can desire something for what may seem to be the right reasons, but unless you take a look at the situation with reason, using your mind and leaving your heart out of it, you won't know for sure. The player that gives himself to any woman who calls out for him shows the true signs of not obtaining reason. If you were to ask him why he sleeps with every whore that comes within reach and opens herself up to him, he will tell you that he enjoys sex. Ask him why he does and he will state that he just does. He just does because it is gives him pleasure for a brief few moments. He doesn't know what pleasure of the mind feels like because he has never accomplished anything. The only thing he is capable of conquering is the women who openly give themselves up because they too desire pleasurable emotions and have not clue how to achieve anything greater. To desire is want something better, to see opportunity in commitment, to want to value true love.
The only type of fairness that belongs in love is the non-sacrificial fairness of trade that involves the acceptance for values of one in exchange for the acceptance for values of the other. It is immoral to ask for your lover to give up something they desire as a part of their character in a trade resulting in your sacrifice of a value. It is unjust to beg interest for one of your values, and in return offer the interest for one of your partners values. Just as you can pretend to enjoy reality television programs in an attempt to keep your part of the deal, your partner can pretend to enjoy football in an attempt to keep her part. Where does this lead? It leads to unhappiness which contradicts the purpose of living. If you take up the same value of your significant other and truly value that value, then so be it. But do not ask for any type of unnatural return. Fairness is the trade of love for love in the same manner that it is given. It is the acceptance that you are yourself and your lover is themselves. To be fair is to desire naturally and accept the equal desire for yourself in return.
Do you see what I am illustrating? Selfishness is not an ugly trait, but instead beautiful. It can work to benefit a relationship for the best in preserving the never-changing-self. It will defeat any attempt to put on a fake show by pretending you are something you aren't. Selfishness isn't about taking from the other, it is about the exchange of love to benefit yourself. This must be completed as an equal trade. You wouldn't pay anymore for a piece of garbage than you would an item of luxury and relationships should reflect the morality of free trade. You might say that to think of the relationship as a business deal is ludicrous. But let me ask you this: Isn't the relationship a more productive one, in terms of achieving happiness, better when each participant is working at the same effort, never crying for the change of the other?
I will not enter a relationship that cannot benefit my self. I will not enter a relationship that will require me to be something I do not value. I will not enter a relationship that would call for me to become a sacrifice. I will not enter a relationship that would limit my ability. I will not enter a relationship that was heading down the path to nowhere.
Responsibility is key. Just as you are responsible for yourself and your interests, you are responsible for the values of the other person whom you claim to love. So in regards to the previous paragraph I state everything again, on the contrary. I will not enter a relationship that cannot benefit my partner. I will not enter a relationship that will require my to be something she does not value. I will not enter a relationship that would call for my lover to become a sacrifice. I will not enter a relationship that would limit her ability. I will not enter a relationship that would take her down the path to nowhere.
When I decide to enter a relationship it will be on the terms that we both will work hard to achieve our goals, pushing each other along the way. We both will love one another fully, no more or no less than the other. We both will not contradict our own values in life. We both will be the centerpiece and foundation for our future family, so that they may know what is virtue and what is vice. And most importantly, we will both smile in happiness at the pride we have for the other.
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