i dont really know what to say
i just feel idk numb sometimes
like im alone
but i dont exactly care that that much
im not happy
im not sad
im
fine
i didnt cry when they said goodbye
maybe it was because it didntt seem real
or maybe they were just fake friends
but we all played along
so i think i got lost in the game
without realizing that i dont even like playing
and the game that i do want
isnt a game at all
its real
all to real
i love it so much
but it will never be mine
i think about it a lot
but i know i cant have it
i think thats why i played so well
it took my mind off the reality that i wanted
i used to not hae to play that game
i used to have someone
some days i feel i dodged a bullet when i think about what we had
other days i wish i had her again
but then the people that i play this game with
convince me that she was bad for me
but now i think that
even though we have our differencs now
i feel like what i felt a year ago with her
is better than what i feel like now
but it doesnt matter right
im just in middle school-high school tansition
i have my whole life ahead of me
and i know that
i do
but i still have to deal with this
this thing that doesnt matter
well maybe it matters to me you know
and i know
in the big scheme of things my experience now wont have a huge impact
but maybe it will
maybe it will impact everything
and do i want to look back and remeber this
bieng alone
bieng just fine
or do i want to remember
bieng happy
bieng with that reality that i think about all the time
and yeah i probably dont deserve it
but i want it
and that should be enough.
stormborns
origamiaround
amandla
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