It’s been 2 years since I never wrote something in my blog. I know that I wrote something like day 1 and day 2 and that is the day when I started college. I was planning to do a journal of my everyday life in college but it didn’t work due to some personal reasons. I don’t usually had a lot of followers to read my blogs but the reason why I made this blog, is to make a lot of stories about my experiences about the past and the present. Well you see, I don’t usually write a lot of things like this but when I write it keeps me calm and I wanted to tell a lot of things that it keeps me bothering for some reason. Writing is a hobby for me and I learned a lot of things when I write. Its like a voice that I speak to you personally. During my days of loneliness (which until now), my life is a total waste for me because what I am doing is basically a routine like waking up early, taking a shower, going to school and so on. That’s the same doing what I used to do every day. Its kinda boring, though. But before I proceed, let me introduce myself… I am Kenzie, a typical or an average guy, who is doing the usual stuff in a daily basis of my existence called life. A guy who is interested to write and write and write a lot (but only a few or less in reality due to some stuff.)A guy who struggles life everyday. A guy who suffers anxiety and depression. And a guy who thinks life sucks hard badly.
I do have friends but it seems they were very distant since they were too busy. I don’t want to cause them trouble. That’s why, having some company is a bit a hindrance to me. I used to be alone all the time ever since when I was in high school. Its part of my nature and it won’t change but there might be a time that I needed someone to accompany me. But that would be wishful thinking, right? or there might be a time and place for it. I don’t know but I do hope so... someday, maybe?
That’s why, I made this blog. My blog post will act as a bunch of journals... online journals. Also, I want to catch up those days that I didn’t write here a lot. All of those thoughts and past memoirs are building up, inside my head. So, I’ll try to make this up. Most of my blog post are scheduled so stay tuned! I don’t mind if I wanted to gain more followers or liking my blog posts. My one objective is to write and write, That’s all.So, I hope to see you or read this post in the next post. =)
(P.S. This post is very old. It actually remains as a draft for 2 years.)
After two years that I hadn’t used my account due to some personal reasons that it keeps me stalled, maybe its the time to write something.
One year ago, I’ve become a course representative inside our class and honestly, I really didn’t liked this job because of my shyness and you have to relay or disseminate the message to your course. My classmate approached me regarding this kind of matter because she lives far and she might go home very late due to traffic. I might give it try for a more different perspective since those are the days that I am so depressed. When I replied yes, my classmate was thankful to me and wanted to treat me since I accepted it but I refuse because it isn’t special enough for me since I wanted to try it. After our conversation, my classmate also mentioned to me that their will be a meeting at the Student Council office. So, I rushed quickly after I ate my snacks at the canteen. When I arrived at the office, I feel that the office is too quite and Psyche (the previous Vice President) is doing a roll call for those who come at the meeting then she asked me what happened to my classmate, who is the course representative that asked me to switch with, and I replied that I’ll be the new representative for our class. While waiting, I met new faces like Dindi, the previous course representative for Accountancy and Camille, the previous course representative for Holistic Nutrition with Culinary Arts and my sister’s previous classmate. While we wait the others, I first approach Dindi and talked to her a little bit about our daily life. I also long know that she the classmate of my two other friends in her class. After we talked, I talked next to Camille. Honestly, she is a bit too talkative but I manage to understand most of her words and I am happy to hear someone that lessen my mental problems. After our chit-chat, the meeting starts. The meeting talks about an opening event called the Clash of the Titans, where all participating courses around campus will joined but in other words, it is some kind of palaro through the whole semester. After the meeting, our officers instructed us to proceed to the canteen for the opening event and guide us of what will be our purpose during the event. They asked that we will go around while holding a flag that represents our organization and course. After that, our officers thank us for coming and Dindi asked a favor to take a picture of her while holding a flag and showing her dimples with her biggest smile of all then afterwards, I return to my class. That’s my first meeting ever since I joined the student council.
I attended most of the meetings since I haven’t done a lot of things and this is the time when my depression lingers. I gave my best effort in attending mostly of the council’s meetings even though I go home very late due to the availability of my time before the meeting starts at 5:30. I’ve waited that for so long and that is the time when my class ends at 11:00 in the morning. There are times that when I waited for the meeting to start, I roam around the campus or I watch anime in order to be patient. I am the one who attends the meeting very early since I have an early dismissal time and this is my one and only job to do.Some of my officers praised me due to my eagerness to attend their meetings sometimes.
I remember those days when Red (the previous Student Council President) takes the lead during his previous academic year in office. I’ve known Red a bit as a boy who fears to be a leader which its called Glossophobia, a fear of social situations. It is also connected to leadership for some reason, too. He is also a very kind, heartened person. During his days in the office, he made a lot of plans last year. He is the only one who manage all of the activities last year, and by manage I mean, he is the one mostly doing even though there are project heads. Project heads are the ones who facilitated a certain event and he/she is the one who is knowledgeable when it comes to budget, program flow and so on. But at least, he helped his other officers to do the job done. Every time I go to the student council office, I always ask him or them if there are meetings within this week or a day before. Because if they are meetings, I’ll go straight to the office and wait for um… 3 or 4 hours before the meeting starts. It sucks to wait for a long ass time but its worth to pay the price since there are a lot of activities that will be announced for the upcoming days ahead. And one thing that I notice when I come to the office is that the student council isn’t just your regular student council but rather they called themselves as a family (a nearly one, rather), which it is very rare to hear that in college. Just like in high school, those were the days I experienced what is family looks like but I am a bit of a cold hearted person because I don’t know what it feels like during those days. Well going back, when I stayed inside their office, I can always hear their thoughts when it comes to “green mindedness” which it is seems to be very common in my everyday living as a student while I, as a course representative from our course, I find myself in a very tight and awkwardly situation that it seems to be… well, awkward I suppose but I am getting a hang of it since I attended mostly of their meetings and I know that I contributed a lot of effort and support ever since I’m part of it.
After the academic year, Red stepped down as the council’s president which eventually, Arra (Vice President) will be running as President inside the campus. After the election, Arra’s party won and I am thankful because arra is also part of the previous party which it lead by Red. In Arra’s partylist, I saw some familiar faces like some of the officers in the previous year who also run for their same position and some that I met as their previous classmate inside our class or ones who are passing by. But at least, I met some new faces in the student council. I remember the time before (or after) the election, I was sitting in a bench at east side (2nd floor) and Arra saw me and she said, “ikaw pa rin, ah?” with a smile on her face. I asked her “Huh? hindi ko gets?” since I didn’t get her phrase which eventually I thought that I will be the same representative for the next academic year and it is true that I am still the same representative that always be there when it comes to attending their meetings.
As of now, I am still the course representative from my course and I would describe myself that I am happy to be part of the student council. Still, I am doing my best to give the information and disseminate to my fellow classmates. There are times that I always wonder if I am really doing my best as the representative from my course because honestly, there are some of my classmates aren’t interested when I announced it to them. It makes me sad sometimes and I really don’t know what to do. I remember last semester before our first meeting, the president of our organization and to our course had an election. During the election, the president opened the position for course representative. Of course, I raised my hand but the president told me that my source of information was inadequate or nakukulangan. It was a shocking truth and I was slapped right into the face when the president told that to me. It made me sad and eventually depressed at the same time. I gave everything to them, in full detail, every time I attend to their meetings and waited it for so long. I can’t imagine that this breaks me because the student council is more like a safe haven to me. I didn’t do this for my sake but I am doing this for my classmates and give the information to them just to entice their enjoyment and acknowledge the works of the student council plus, this is the kind of job that I make myself useful inside the class. After the election, I still insist to the president that I’ll be still the course representative of our course. The president seems to be fine with it since no one actually raised their hands to be the next course representative and the president actually explained something to me, why I can’t be the next course representative. How should I put this? The president told me that someone in the student affairs asked the president to re-elect a new course representative since I am the one who attends most of the council’s meetings. After the president explained it to me, I felt relieved but even though the president said that to me, it isn’t easy for me since the president told that way but in the end, I manage to stay my cool and forget every thing. I must keep moving on whenever what happens in life.
Well before I end this blog, I wanted to say something about these two presidents, who served the student council long enough to fulfill their duties as student leaders inside campus. So, here it goes…
Dearest Arra and Red,
I know that you won’t be reading this blog because both of you don’t have Tumblr accounts and it will be the first time that I will write something to someone who achieved their goals in life. First of all, I wanted to thank the both of you because of your tireless effort in serving the student council. Ever since I joined the student council as a course rep, I feel like I’m not fitting to become a course rep at all. But ever since I go to your daily (or every week) meetings, It feels like I’m home for some reason. Maybe its because of the people around the office or maybe the environment is nice and cozy just because I enjoy working for this kind of job. I am actually enjoying to be with you and the officers, too. Its kinda fun, to be honest! That’s why, I kinda like to stick with you guys a lot!
Second is that, I wanted to say sorry. I am sorry because I failed. I failed to inform and entice to my classmates. I really wanted to acknowledge your works inside the student council but I believe that some of my classmates aren’t interested (like what I said earlier) to listen to me. Well you see, I am having a rough time just to get their attention to me but some are just ignoring me. Maybe its because I am not an effective speaker which it is probably true since its not my nature to speak or they aren’t listening at all. In times of doubt, I really wanted to give up this job since this isn’t suits me and getting their attention is another thing to manage. But there are times that I am determined to myself that I can accomplish things in life. So, I have to keep moving forward. Even though some of my classmates aren’t listening to me, I must carry my job as the course rep of our course so that I can fulfill my duty like yours did. I know being a leader is tough and it is a struggle to you, guys. That’s why, I kept my pace with you guys so that I can be an effective speaker not just the two of you but also to my fellow classmates as well. I know the struggle so… I have to keep up the pace, that’s all. Then again, I am sorry.
I have my reasons, why I stayed and joined the student council and lemme tell you a story. Well you see, during my high school days, we also had a student organization. Of course, most of the schools had these student organizations but in my previous school, this is quite disappointing though. When I was a first year student, the student organization (the previous one during my year level) was active during that time and they made a lot of fun activities that even myself, was enjoying. But during the time when I was a third year student, It seems that the student organization is different and… boring. I was expecting that we will having a lot of activities but no… its too different compared my second and first year days in high school. Its kinda disappointing and sad, to be honest. It is also the same when I was a fourth year student, still there is no improvement at all.
That’s why, I enjoyed much to be here because I wanted to be part of this council and know much about the activities as well. I like to help, also. Its part of my blood since I am doing this a lot. Staying all day and listening to our weekly meetings is what I enjoyed the most. So… Thank you, Arra and Red, for being our true leaders and making this college a fun and a happier place to be here and thank you for your dedication and your service for serving the council and the satisfaction of us, students. I know that both of you are going to be graduates this year. I will pray for your safety and success for the both of you. Again, Thank you for all the dedication, hard work and service. I’ll see you soon and take care. =)
Your Consistent Representative,
Kenzie
P.S. This post is actually made based on the date where I started writing this blog. I hope THAT you won’t be reading this blog (like what I said in the letter) because I am bit too embarrassed to show this. I made this because I am proud for the both of you. Stay safe as always. ;)
“There’s no way we could meet. But one thing is certain. If we see each other, we’ll know. That you were the one who was inside me. That I was the one who was inside you.”
