~Hi Luvies~
It’s practically been more than a year. I wonder how you all are doing.
I can say that I am doing okay. I am currently in the process of healing.
I became very attached to my boyfriend who I mentioned in my previous post who randomly broke up with me because he had lost feelings. He later moved on but I felt stuck with myself. I felt like I was going to die.
I realized I was quite an anxious and toxic person. But now I am learning to except that it is okay, and that I should love and treasure myself.
After our breakup, I used food to cope and ate until I felt sick. My dance progress, diet and personal life completely fell apart. I need more than half a year to stop crying and gain general willpower. In the meantime I met a female friend who is now extremely dear to me and is much better than anything I could have bargained for. She is super sweet, and I feel that sometimes having friends, especially female and caring ones can be better then dating. It takes away responsibility, drama, and creates a warm feeling.
I tried therapy and even nutrition counseling over summer and that was some of the worst things I ever did. My nutritionist would tell me that I have to eat every 3 hours or so and not control what I eat, which did not help me in any way and only made me angry. The therapy group I went at first, praised me for “accomplishing” what I was struggling with which was people pleasing and service work, because they didn’t get what I came in for. It’s like everyone has the same problem, so someone in the room has to level it out, thus I was the one forced into the position.
I felt that what helped me a little bit was living alone and taking on less classes/responsibilities. It is quite difficult to say no, and I am in the process of learning but I am proud of how far this has come.
It is nice to get this off my chest and write about how I feel.
I am restarting my care journey. Currently around 64 kg. With priorities in ; Avoiding sugar drinks, 8:16 intermittent fasting. Avoiding gluten 6 days a week and drinking less.
I will keep you all updated:)
