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[tzarciel]

abt to decide what my top 10 bl manga/manhwa are 'cuz im about to start working in an actual office after this weekend, and it's my last days being unemployed.

[tzarciel]

Random movies recommended by actresses been piling up on my watch list

[tzarciel]

That time I gotta get multiple teeth extracted so I played the songs that reminds me of him on my earbuds 'cuz the thought of him hurts more than getting multiple teeth out jwjsiwjziwn

[tzarciel]

A guy once tried to make me jealous. I know he got the hint that we could be more, so we just have that air between us that is different from the rest of our friends. I liked him; I know it was mutual, but for some reason, I don't feel like he's looking at me–on a deeper level so. I don't know why he thought it'd be funny to make me jealous. For him it was a lighthearted joke. But at that time, it just dawned on me that ah.. he really doesn't know me. He doesn't know that I've felt much worse emotions than jealousy; that jealousy felt so trivial for me at all. I don't get jealous. I wasn't disappointed that he tried to make me jealous, nor did I feel jealous– it just reminded me that I'm not seen yet. 'Yet.' I'd lost feelings even before that time had arrived. He felt shallow and superficial to me after that time. The more we talked, the more it reminded me that he's not what I want for a man. I've put distance between us after that time and didn't address that thing we both know was there. It has slowly dissipated anyway.

[tzarciel]

In a relative's house, sitiing in a corner and reading a manhwa with two guys kissing in it. Ha. Tf is wrong w me.

[tzarciel]

Been using this site on a browser. Just installed the app 'cuz they said there's a good nerdjo fratjo twins ff here and I'M SAT. Gimme that shit.

[tzarciel]

My site better not go downhill because if it did- best believe I'm going down with it istg the lists acting had me worriEEEDDDDD. I've cultivated that shit for years and I can't remember shit. I'm a sucker for those mangas with 6 chaps with 1-2 after stories SPECIFICALLY and the titles are all in japanese holy fuck im actually so cooked

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

[tzarciel]

what the fuck did you just make me read

[tzarciel]

The romance ones I mean..

Sometimes I be reading these crazy glorified books I discover from booktok n I just can't help comparing it to fanfics. Like, it be their best picks and it's just an average book in ao3 like... uhm...

[tzarciel]

Last guy I talked to posted that song saying, 'I still want to be your favorite boy'. Haha, cute af. I know it's abt me; he barely talks to gender opposite to his. Too bad, though; he kinda fucked up. He's possessive. Sounds good to me, ngl. I'd love me a possessive guy. But on his case, his possessiveness has something to do with his own unsettled issues rather than how much he likes me. I love me a possessive guy but a guy who's at peace with himself is what I would prefer myself to be around more. I could make us work- with that guy. I know he genuinely liked me but he's not sure if he wants to commit. I could just reassure him with his unsettled issues- tell him I'm his to make him somehow at peace. But that's what motherfuckers do when they're in a relationship- we're not. I could wipe all those worries if he's willing to commit. He knows I liked him back. But that's not enough. That's not a relationship. I can't make him a promise like that. Bitch? I need 3-step verification that you really want to be my man first. We know we liked each other but we never flirted. We cared about each other a little bit more than how friends would. It somehow made it feel pure but yeah, too bad. I'm peaceful alone. His possessiveness back then (3 months ago🙄) felt suffocating. He started disrupting my peace. He was putting fences around me. In the end, I had to tell him to get off my lawn before I shoot him 'cause bruh, don't do hubby thingies when you can't even be my boyfie type shit. Ew, did I rlly just type that. But yeah, it just felt unsolicited. And I'm just really careful about shit like that. I never had a boyfriend (at my big age, holy) and I never really gave a fuck about relationships. If you're fucking up the peace I managed to provide for myself, you're gonna get kicked to the curb. I don't care how much I like you, ngl. Those feeling rlly just fade when I get more negative feelings than great ones. I was STRESSED.

I just find him cute now posting silly stuff like that. He cute fr. But he can be cute far away from me. Sup.

[tzarciel]

I read. Matter of fact, I read a lot. Or at least, used to. I can't fucking use punctuations properly to save my life. Holy. Anw, I read weird shit. FanFics. There's this thing I do. Is this a safe space? Wth, I dont know. But there's this thing that I do when I'm bored out of my mind and can't find books or ships to fixate on. I just learn new ships dynamics. Surface level lores. Haha. Just necessary information to help me understand their fic. I'm lazy as hell and I need to read ASAP as something to take some edge off type shit. I mean, I don't know if my mom would rather have me get nicotine addiction or read fanfics with crazy tags that might send her to coma. Okay, knock on wood. But fr, Idk if either of it is any better. I don't really get how cigarette helps someone and I think I'll find that out soon enough 'cause what the fuck. Shit be making me feel like lighting up a stick these days. I absolutely hate its smell, by the way. Fuck. That shit make me gag. Holy ew. Whenever I get a whiff of smoke, I get purple trying to not breath it in fr. Sike, I grew up inhaling secondhand smoke. Didn't help me get used to it, though. THATS not what I wanted to post about. Got sidetracked again. But yeah. That's like from 2 years-ish ago. The fanfic thing. I can't read normal books anymore. "Normal" as in those physical books, not necessarily physical, I mean those books you buy. It all feels shallow. No freaking depth. The construction of words is not creative enough. It doesn't touch whatever it was supposed to be touching. The fuck. Okay. It has something to do with whatever is wrong with me, Fanfics just got a lil kick. But for reference about how different I see normal books and fanfics: I won't buy a normal book. But I'd sell my soul to the Indian men population to read my favorite books for the first time again. Okay. I know I shouldn't say that, but I need to get my shit through accurately, alright. I'm a bit of a cornball on the side. Blame my screen time watching reels for that one. (It's normal amount of screen time.) But yeah. It's just kind of a shame how much I loved a book, and I can't share it to anyone just because it's a fanfic and they wouldn't get it. Sigh. These days, though, I don't read as often anymore but if I really want to read but too lazy to delve into lores, I search original works on ao3. Holy grail. It's the authors. Really something about the authors on the site.

[tzarciel]

Can I actually just post anything here? I kinda like that you can keep your account private here just by keeping the tags empty If you dont want to be discovered by anyone. (I think I got tht part wrong) (That sentence sounds redundant but I'm too lazy to edit) Well I don't like being seen but I still want to express somehow. I can't actually yap away in twttr like I used to 'cause ppl could find your acc or post when they search certain words and your post come up. Anw, I have this song stuck in my head and I tried to use 4BigGuysAndTheyGrabOnMyThighs as a username here but just as I thought, it's too long. (Did I use that punctuation right? Idk.) That song randomly spawns in my head at the randomest time of the day. Well, I think this post is getting long but I don't think there's such 'too long' post here 'cause I've seen fanfics being posted here from other platforms. Uhm.

[tzarciel]

idk how this site works ngl