[tzcln]

there are phases, uncountable like whispers of ghosts in the morning inscrutable faces, worn and heavy transitions that crush, that pull each breath a promise wrapped in chains spiraling tighter, unrelenting leave, oh leave, but to stay is to suffer riding waves that never promised to stay always flung into the next chapter rebirth is a promise, soft as silk and if that first cry came with a price then the curse lingers, thick as smoke a reminder that freedom is heavy and every escape leaves a scar

[tzcln]

honestly, i just have one very important life work all i have to do is focus on it and that is to love the fuck outta my daughter so she never turns out like me

[tzcln]

sometimes i don’t understand how i could be someone anyone loves or loved actually

and even when i am not short on proof that i am and have been loved i can’t help but ask what trick of mine did a number on you

i am awful and i am not something worthy of love if my judge and jury cant love me

they cant so how can you? you must be pulling one on me

because it just is not possible

i feel it’s just not possible

they just made it impossible

i feel

[tzcln]

this hour screams i don’t know what’s good about me or in me or having me in your life or having had me in your life and i wouldn’t wish me on my worst enemy or on people in general

[tzcln]

i didnt have lunch and dinner today and i’m not even fucking hungry at midnight. what the fuck is it this time. what cycle am i in. what the fck

[tzcln]

well, i guess i should just be thankful i’m getting all the love i need from being with someone who is emotionally mature, actually mentally stable, extremely selfless and generous, and just grounded in logic and normal human behavior. i cant help but fucking think i am a leech sometimes. i hold onto him for dear life to get any sense of normalcy when my roots pull me down hard. and they wanted to obliterate him before their granddaughter was born too never forget that btw

[tzcln]

i think my brain is wired to crave conflict from my parents even tho i do not engage externally and still do internally because i subconsciously see conflict and their chaos as sort of a connection with them and i want something, at least something, even if it is this, as long as i get something. and what if, just what if, that is also their way of getting a sliver of connection from us, triggering us so they can get us to pay attention to them. and the reason why theyre so obsessed about my sister and keep attacking her whole life and current condition is because she is detached and they cannot get through her. and then theres me who says i am detached and i just want my baby to see them even on facetime so she and they can have a bond, when in reality i am hurt because all the calls are just about my baby and they never even care about me and they never even gave a fuck about me yeah

[tzcln]

[tzcln]

talking to my dad is incredibly mentally exhausting like its spirit crushing. how negative he is needs to be studied. this mental illness of him. this self-inferiority that i admit i have inherited is eating him from the inside out. he keeps on saying our family is cursed and these are the worst years, and keeps comparing our family to others. like give me a fucking break. my little brother defended his thesis this month and he will be graduating from a business school for his bachelor’s. i never even heard them say theyre happy. or theyre proud. or they congratulated him. all you fucking do is complain. all you fucking do is complain to your children and about your children. you never see any good we do, any good we’ve reached. and if we have anything in our lives that makes us happy, you cannot possibly share that happiness because youre just not capable of being happy for your children unless they do something for your image’s sake. cos your life and your happiness revolves solely around what people see and how highly they think of you. oh so mom is sad and gloomy because we dont talk to her? oh shes sad that her friends’ children ask about their moms and talk to them 24/7 and have a bond with them ???? well you dont get to reap or cultivate what you never fucking planted. you cannot expect connection when you never gave us any emotional connection to you. you gave us zero bond. all mom could talk about together on calls was other people. all thefucking time. ???? you call me to ask about my sister or talk shit about the other one. never even checking on me. you then call my sister to cry and cry. you never ask about my day. you never ask what made me happy. you sent a legion of male relatives to send me death threats two fucking years ago. how will i ever fucking trust you again, mother? so cry all you want because you cannot have a connection you never planted. im glad to have been nurtured as a little kid and nourished with food and love. but that stopped when we were kids. you expect us to not have our own lives and our own minds. then you expect us to be in the best schools and treat us like trophies. but when those schools and those experiences actually teach us to grow a fucking brain, you hate it. yo im done. im triggered. i have to stop. like what did i even expect talking to my dad. full stop. mental illness. both of them

[tzcln]

i miss my parents these days. Dont know why

[tzcln]

so im back to work and its all the same bullshit, right. company’s health is basically on the verge of death, masked with a thousand band-aids in the form of a consulting company wiping the ceo’s ass with tissues drenched in employees’ tears. my team in every standup is dead. like, they all look like literal npcs. theyre empty. theyre all shocked that i came back.

my new manager is a polish gal thats really strong-headed but i kinda like her so far. finally, someone who can move one fucking needle in this sausagefest of a team composed of males with bruised egos trying to see whose pee squirts the highest, right

now i get into catch-up calls on whatsapp here and there during my first few days cos now the company platform cant be used for regular work yapping. anyways, i talk to my mates and its so fucking futile. they all just hate each other. these men are so stupid. they cant be helped.

like, one group is full of losers stuck in high school mentality and cocaina who think theyre the cool kids and theyre so fucking creative and they’re visionaries in marketing, looking down on those who got promoted because they couldnt, so they shit on them to me endlessly.

and the other group? the npc survivors who are mindfuckingly boring as hell like dressed in mountaineering apparel from head to toe (no im not talking abt gorpcore, more like decathlon dads) and played the game and now got some big-ass title acting like theyre fucking higher than everyone else, recruiting useless fucking interns to do their job

i cant. i just cant.

now dont get me wrong, they all trust me, sadly, but i dont trust any of them and i keep these thoughts to myself.

i fucking cant. i just wanna be paid and not be entangled in all this useless shit. i have no fucks to give. i just gotta stay in my lane and please my new polish gal

[tzcln]

why does the russian rooftopping duo’s nyc stunt kinda feel like a tumblrina’s wet dream

[rarestsparkle]

Love grows where respect lives.

[randomnoteforfuturereference]

They could never make me hate you, Sheepstealer.

[incorrect-gotverse]

i love my busted ass son

[goldcrescent]

Daemon: Rhaenyra listen to me I saw a blond girl with dragons. A blond girl with dragons Rhaenyra. Now that may not seem at all unusual or miraculous to you or me probably because all our dragons are still alive and we have no reason to think anything is going to happen to them but would this woman who roofied me 58 times in a one week span have lied? Do you think she’d show me a tree man without cause? Do you think people are just blonde for no reason? Exactly. Now put your shoes on, we’ll avenge Jeremy

[nonbinarylesbianherb]

thinking about young rhaenicent as I tend to do and have done for the past 4 years