tzipwich.tumblr.com

Sometimes I like to write things.

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So, uh, am I the last to know that the Georges H. W. and W. Bush are Schuylers?

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why does everyone make “right hand man” force4hams for leia but not for jar jar??? um??? im offended?? 

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Meesa be real a second? For just a millisecond? Let meesa guard down, tell yous how meesa feel a second? Meesa hardly model of a modern major general The exiled underwater amphibian whose boss is all Wondering if meesa tenure is tenable Reluctantly assigning meesa to the Jedi crew Hoping to mend weesa relations with the Naboo But first weesa have to avoid an ambush The truth is in yous face when yous see Darth Maul’s lightsaber go Vzzzzzzsh!

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Concept

John Adams is the AU version of Alexander Hamilton who decided to stay at the end of "That Would Be Enough"

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Calling it early

You know that in about fifteen years, everyone's going to be writing posts (or whatever they'll call them in the future), all, "The first time I saw Hamilton, I was 100% on Hamilton's side, but now that I'm older and wiser, I see that John Adams is where it's at" like RENT with Benny

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Angelica: You have married an Icarus

He has flown too close to the sun

Eliza: Angelica I know you're supposed to be a genius or whatever

But not everything is about you and your incredible way with words

Just call him an asshole FFS

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The Room Where It Happens / A Clue How She Happened (Rey!)

A Resistance pilot and ex-stormtrooper crash-land on Jakku This is such a shitty day, Eh? They end up with the droid they were after, and a plus-one— They pick up a stray, Rey The stray has been hanging around the desert most of her life Waiting for whoever dropped her off to return She happens to be an incredible pilot and mechanic And the Force is solid with her No one really has A clue how she happened A clue how she happened A clue how she happened No one really has A clue how she happened A clue how she happened A clue how she happened No one really knows where she's been all along Where does she belong? Now don't get us wrong We're simply thrilled that she happened But no one really has A clue how she happened Fandom claims— Rey Skywalker is obviously the daughter of Luke After the massacre, they hid her out of the way Fandom claims— Rey Solo is clearly Kylo's sister He missed her, keep the shippers away Fandom claims— Rey Kenobi-Palpatine-Windu, she is She's definitely got some kind of yichus, anyway Fandom claims— Well, considering the Jedi's vow of celibacy She could be literally just someone Or no one, it's arbitrary But— No one really has A clue how she happened A clue how she happened A clue how she happened No one really has A clue how she happened A clue how she happened A clue how she happened

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The Schuyler Sisters: Rey, Finn and Poe

[SPOILERS FOR TFA] POE: Look around, look around-- REY: Poe Dameron, remind me what we're looking for HAN: You're looking for me POE: We're looking for a guy named Luke (Luke, Luke) We're looking for a guy named Luke (Luke, Luke) We're looking for a guy named Luke (Luke, Luke) Whoaaaaaa REY/FINN/POE: Whooaaaaa Luke, Luke! HAN: Whoo! There's nothing like getting your ship back This baby made the Kessel run in under twelve parsecs Excuse me, kids, I see you're on a mission But you seem to be in need of some adult supervision Why you scavenging for junk on a desert planet? I've got an awesome ship but need someone to man it! REY: Han, be my father? KYLO REN: No, Han, be a martyr Come with me, Rey, we'll rule the First Order FINN: I've been making changes, trying to atone Running away from the only life I've ever known You're trying to recruit me, but I just want to breathe free Still, in the end I can't bring myself to flee REY/FINN/POE: We'll put all we've got into this war We're gonna win it for the Light Side REY: And when I meet Luke Skywalker I'm 'a compel him to restore glory to the Jedi! REY/FINN/POE: Luke!

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“Dear Theodosia” as performed by Han Solo

[There are DEFINITELY spoilers for The Force Awakens here] Dear Kylo Ren, what to say to you? You have my eyes, you have Obi-Wan's name When you came into the world, you cried And destroyed the room I'm dedicating every day to you Domestic life is not my expertise When you teethe, you cover all my shirts with drool And I thought I was so cool You'll be the next Jedi generation We'll pin our hopes on you, send you to Uncle Luke If we lay a strong enough foundation We'll see our dreams come true, we'll see great things from you Or you'll throw it all away Someday, someday Yeah, you'll throw it all away Someday, someday

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“Here Comes the General” (from “Right-Hand Man,” from Hamilton) as performed by Leia Organa

[SPOILERS for The Force Awakens ahead]

(Here comes the General!) Ladies and gentlemen, (Here comes the General!) The moment you've been waiting for! (Here comes the General!) The pride of the New Republic, (Here comes the General!) Leia Organa! LEIA: We are outgunned (What?) Outmanned (What?) Outnumbered, outplanned We gotta make an all-out stand And Rey, you're gonna be my right-hand man Check it-- Can I be real a second? For just a millisecond? Let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second? Now I'm the model of a modern major general The adulated Alderaanian aristocrat whose troops are all Eyes on the ball, at my beck and call Gallantly delivering dispatches through the galaxy Dropping off droids, picking up Jedis like some sort of space taxi But what we've lost cannot be replaced The truth is in your face when you See the Order's lasers fly through outer space Even if we manage to turn the tide How can I hold my head up high After witnessing all these xenocides by the Dark Side Can't even count all the victims From the Hosnian System We'll always keep on resisting But look-- We are outgunned (What?) Outmanned (What?) Outnumbered, outplanned We gotta make an all-out stand And Rey, you're gonna be my right-hand man

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What Does the Gr”a Say

Standard's three Matzot at night Gr"a says two The Gr"a says two Don't hide crumbs for Bdikat chametz Since the mitzva is to search Shabbat bentching You say just half In Aleinu don't bow bow bow See he's got psaks That no one knows What does the Gr"a say? No challah on the table! No challah on the table! No challah on the table! During kiddush Cut both breads at hamotzi! Cut both breads at hamotzi! Cut both breads at hamotzi! So the Gr"a says Gotta have lechem mishne! Gotta have lechem mishne! Gotta have lechem mishne! For shaleshudes Kiddush b'makom se'uda! Kiddush b'makom se'uda! Kiddush b'makom se'uda! Must be hamotzi On Yom Kippur And Tisha B'Av We skip brachot For shoes and face Seder night Nothing's the same Forget everything you're used to Wash urchatz Say a bracha Have at least a k'zayit of greens But if your kids Bring questions home Will those questions all be moo-oo-oo-oo-oot? moo-oo-oo-oo-oot? moo-oo-oo-oo-oot? Or are they busy eating Knei-ei-ei-eidlach? Knei-ei-ei-eidlach? Knei-ei-ei-eidlach? What does the Gr"a say? No grapes on Rosh Hashana! No grapes on Rosh Hashana! No grapes on Rosh Hashana! So the Gr"a says Etrogs don't go upside-down! Etrogs don't go upside-down! Etrogs don't go upside-down! So the Gr"a says Don't say the chazzan's lines! Don't say the chazzan's lines! Don't say the chazzan's lines! During kedusha That's what the Gr"a says

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Dear So-Called "Chick Lit"

I remember when I dropped the genre the first time/ Saying, "This is it, I've had enough", 'cause like/ That guy who screwed your sister 'cause you fought/ He's probably not right for you (duh)/

Then they come around again and say, "Listen/ This one has an empowered heroine, trust me"/ But then somehow that's shown to be her flaw/ Come on, I hate that/ But you quote/ Back to the Future/ I love that/

Ooh/I threw you across the room last night/ But, ooh/This time I'm telling you, I'm telling you/

We are never, ever, ever getting back together/ You are clearly, clearly, clearly of the same feather/ You go make me rage and make me rant, pontificate/ So we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together/

Like, ever…

I'm really gonna miss your virgin-slut/ Dichotomy/ The girlfriend of your crush don't gotta be/ Your enemy/ What's it say about him that his taste/ Is so crappy/ And also/ Feminism's not a dirty word/

Ooh/That synopsis reeled me in again But, ooh/This time I'm telling you, I'm telling you/

We are never, ever, ever getting back together/ I just feel like this is a pointless endeavor/ You always stress forgiveness but that's not the same as trust So we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together/

I used to think, "Maybe this one will be better" (better)/ And I used to say, "Never judge a book by…"/

Ugh… so they hand me this book and they're like, "It's so funny"/ And I'm like, "I just… I mean over-the-top stereotypes about women not being able to control their spending habits are exhausting, you know, like... we are never getting back together. Like, ever."

No, we are never, ever, ever getting back together/ You are going, going, going into the shredder/ Makeovers are fun but not the basis of life-change/ So we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together/

We/Ooh/Getting back together We/Ooh/Getting back together

Is it delusional to think that meet-cutes should be cute/ Yeah, we are never, ever, ever, ever getting back together

Disclaimer: Yes, the term "chick lit" is problematic, especially when it's used to mean "all fiction written by women about women." And I'm guilty, too, because some of the examples I linked to above aren't even part of the genre. And, yes, there are gems out there that don't rely on (and may even subvert) the above tropes. For example, I loved 32 Candles. Go ahead and make some recommendations!

And for anyone who doesn't know the original song, here's the video.