if y’all ever wondered what my idea of defalt / JB looks like … here’s this doodle
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if y’all ever wondered what my idea of defalt / JB looks like … here’s this doodle
“ hey , listen , i bought a lot of shit at that girls’ . . . hair care store or whatever it’s called— sally’s ? yeah. anyway—— “ theres the sound of bags rustling in the background. it’s obvious by the sound of things that he’s struggling to hold the phone and look through supplies at the same time. “ you wanna help me dye my hair tonight ? ”
❝ WHAT, REALLY ? ❞ excitement causes phone to slip from balancing place on her shoulder, clattering against hardwood as she murmured sharp curses. nail brush transferred to the other hand, so she can scoop the device back up, turning it in her grip to check for any scratches or cracks. nothing, luckily. pleased, she brings it back to ear, holding onto it this time as she resumes painting toes. ❝ awww, mousey, you actually trust me with hair dye ? that’s so cute. obviously i wanna help. are you stayin’ blue, sugar ? you should add some violet, oh ! — we could do some sorta balayage idea. ❞ maybe getting ahead of herself, as if she’s ever dealt with hair dye in her life. a pause, silence, while she caps the nail polish securely and allows the thought to process. ❝ can we film it ? we can like … blur out your face or somethin’. you know all the editin’ stuff. ❞
only people that i like can touch my hair
support female characters.
support original female characters.
you write a female character ? cool. support others who do the same.
✰ — — * PARKS & RECREATION SENTENCE STARTERS
‘ i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything. ’ ‘ i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems. ’ ‘ there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk. ’ ‘ don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack. ’ ‘ i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. ’ ‘ whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers. ’ ‘ i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks. ’ ‘ i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it. ’ ‘ i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask. ’ ‘ when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is. ’ ‘ i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown. ’ ‘ upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me. ’ ‘ since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad. ’ ‘ you’re like an angel with no wings. ’ ‘ oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’ ’ ‘ you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard! ’ ‘ i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’ ’ ‘ oh my god, your boobs are dead. ’ ‘ i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable! ’ ‘ he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle! ’ ‘ if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair. ’ ‘ guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love. ’ ‘ jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost? ’ ‘ i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life. ’ ‘ i know this and i love you. ’ ‘ that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this. ’ ‘ you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful. ’ ‘ i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed. ’ ‘ i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing! ’ ‘ i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops. ’ ‘ i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired. ’ ‘ there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well. ’ ‘ i can’t go because i don’t want to. ’ ‘ i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me! ’ ‘ i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here. ’ ‘ i’m just gonna leave early and go home. ’ ‘ if any of you need anything at all, too bad. ’ ‘ you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets. ’ ‘ dance up on me! ’ ‘ i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move. ’ ‘ one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved. ’ ‘ you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid. ’ ‘ you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once. ’ ‘ i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’ ’ ‘ bababooey. ’ ‘ mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?! ’ ‘ i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead. ’ ‘ the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother! ’ ‘ i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life. ’ ‘ i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel. ’ ‘ it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor. ’ ‘ if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe. ’ ‘ you’re as guilty as you are sexy. ’ ‘ this maze is like a maze. ’ ‘ sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens. ’ ‘ so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again. ’ ‘ no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks! ’ ‘ i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t. ’ ‘ with all due respect, you’re a major dick. ’ ‘ the calzones… betrayed me? ’ ‘ who hasn’t had gay thoughts? ’ ‘ do you think a depressed person could make this? no! ’ ‘ i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later? ’ ‘ three words: treat. yo. self. ’ ‘ treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year! ’ ‘ i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to. ’ ‘ monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc? ’ ‘ i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus. ’ ‘ i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab! ’ ‘ well, you suck at being polite, sir. ’ ‘ at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand. ’ ‘ three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?! ’ ‘ math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need. ’ ‘ your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely. ’ ‘ just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow. ’ ‘ oh, this is bad. i should not have done this. ’ ‘ she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her. ’ ‘ no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me. ’ ‘ i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm. ’ ‘ god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that. ’ ‘ you beautiful, rule-breaking moth. ’ ‘ you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby. ’ ‘ you beautiful tropical fish. ’ ‘ hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch! ’ ‘ i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask? ’ ‘ the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late. ’ ‘ it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t. ’ ‘ i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you. ’ ‘ you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands. ’ ‘ i hate people. ’ ‘ you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy. ’ ‘ i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe. ’ ‘ what? i love garbage. ’ ‘ i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying. ’ ‘ i want to be burned at the stake. ’ ‘ i’m going to murder you a thousand times. ’ ‘ people who buy things are suckers. ’ ‘ this is 100% certified for realskis. ’ ‘ well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together. ’ ‘ getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’ ’ ‘ i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do. ’ ‘ my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours. ’ ‘ maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude. ’ ‘ scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being. ’ ‘ messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it. ’ ‘ friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you. ’ ‘ i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears. ’ ‘ everything hurts and i’m dying. ’ ‘ i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay. ’ ‘ let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad. ’ ‘ there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator. ’ ‘ hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count. ’ ‘ what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?! ’ ‘ oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk. ’ ‘ i do say the cutest stuff. ’ ‘ i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed! ’ ‘ velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane. ’ ‘ you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths! ’ ‘ never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing. ’ ‘ i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food. ’ ‘ i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you. ’ ‘ time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go! ’ ‘ i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well. ’ ‘ ovaries before brovaries. ’ ‘ sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot. ’ ‘ i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road. ’ ‘ just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible. ’ ‘ i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross. ’ ‘ i love games that turn people against each other. ’ ‘ i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away. ’ ‘ that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk. ’ ‘ i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions. ’ ‘ i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself. ’ ‘ if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would. ’
here’s an updated doodle of ratboy because no one has rly seen his face besides like two people
moves forward a bit from where they're sitting, making an attempt to try and grab his mask " give. "
“ NO , FUCK YOU---- ” if he would’ve gotten his hands on those fingers , he would’ve surely snapped them. “ keep your ffffuckin’ hands offa me. hands to yourself. who do you think you are---- ”
a friendly, maybe somewhat obnoxious smooch is presses hard against his cheek as she leans in from behind his chair. it lingers, just long enough for her to set an unopened energy drink on the desk in front of him. ' i miss anythin', mousey? ' slips away then, finding her own chair and rolling towards him, cradling her own iced coffee and shifting her gaze to the computer screen.
off-guard indeed. actually , off-guard so much that his right hand slips upon the keyboard and sends a strand of the same letter across the open document like a jet stream. JB sighs , sits back with a thud and angrily smacks his index finger against the backspace key to erase the deed that was done---- but his eyes catch the drink and suddenly his hands have strayed from their task to grab the can and pop the tab.
“ nada , not yet. we got some connection issues with the servers buuut . . . we should be good to stream soon if you wanna take the first turn and play before me. ” he’s only nice to her within reason that she’s been around longer than any of the other people in this city. L.A. is big . . . too big to make friends in. luckily , he knew her from before this god forsaken place. “ not like you can beat my score or anything. ”
this ask meme is based on the blog gravesuggestion. i’ve divided it up into two categories ( light & dark ) based on the themes. some of these can be somewhat triggering seeing that the darker ones deal with a lot of death mentions. please be cautious before continuing on!!
L I G H T
‘ at night i dream of you. ’ ‘ don’t give up yet. you still have time to fix things. ’ ‘ falling in love with someone else is not a personal attack. ’ ‘ i am still so weak when it comes to you. ’ ‘ i can’t believe i let myself let you down. ’ ‘ i don’t care where we go when we die, as long as i’m with you. ’ ‘ i dream of saying to you all the words i held inside until it was too late. ’ ‘ i feel so warm & safe when you talk to me. maybe i could love you if you’d let me. ’ ‘ i finally let the right people in & i have never felt so loved. ’ ‘ i like the way your nails paint red stripes along my spine days after you’re gone. ’ ‘ i lived in your permafrost for twenty years & then you looked at me & i felt the warmth of spring. ’ ‘ i once wished you’d leave me alone, but i take it back. ’ ‘ i want to be able to love someone else, but you stretch your arms & spread your legs inside my heart so that there is no room for anyone or anything else. ’ ‘ i want to believe that we got it right this time. ’ ‘ i wonder how much longer i can cling to your light before it expires completely. ’ ‘ i would travel across the world to be by your side, because as long as you are with me, anywhere is a perfect place to me. ’ ‘ it took me awhile to realize it myself, but you are not what other people say you are. ’ ‘ it’s not that i really need you, but life would be pretty boring without you around. there’s no one i would rather be with. ’ ‘ i’d like to stay like this for awhile. ’ ‘ life & death don’t have to be so boring, let’s make both an adventure. ’ ‘ life imitates art, they say. i didn’t believe it until i started to notice the way your eyelashes look so much like tiny ink stroke. ’ ‘ live your life so that when you die, souls will come for miles just to hear your historic tales. ’ ‘ make your exes jealous & your past self proud. ’ ‘ maybe you’re what i needed to find in order to move on. ’ ‘ never get caught falling harder. they’ll never let you back up. ’ ‘ please don’t go. ’ ‘ some days it’s easier to just stop fighting it & succumb. ’ ‘ sometimes, you’ll find it hard to keep going, but you always will. ’ ‘ the desire i feel for you is that same itching, insidious hunger that an addict has for their addiction. ’ ‘ the worst thing about you is that you weren’t all bad. ’ ‘ there is absolutely nothing & no one who can stop me. ’ ‘ there is no route of losing you that is without pain. ’ ‘ there’s still room for adventure & there is no one i’d rather have by my side. ’ ‘ things didn’t turn out the way i planned, but i’m alright with that. ’ ‘ we could be really incredible together, you know? ’ ‘ you are beautiful & vibrant & confident. you are light & laughter incarnate & every fiber of your being screams freedom & joy. when i am with you, i am truly happy. ’ ‘ you are starlight incarnate, from the grand way you sway your hips to the wide mysterious way you think. blessed are any to be loved by you. ’ ‘ you are too afraid of the future to let go of a past that was never kind to you. ’ ‘ you call me yours & i have no idea what that even means to you. ’ ‘ you remind me of bubblegum & sweets; soft & pink & warm. you are strong in the gentlest way. you are so stubbornly kind. i wish i could be like that. ’ ‘ you still visit me while i sleep sometimes. your fingers trace my spine & i listen to you breathe. please stop haunting me. ’ ‘ ‘morbid curiosity’ is a wonderful way to describe how i feel about you. ’
D A R K
‘ a thousand empty bottles & fist fights will never return to us what we lost that day. ’ ‘ everyone else has moved on, but i am still here. ’ ‘ everything about you screams danger. ’ ‘ everything is worthless to you & you, in turn, became worthless. ’ ‘ for once in my life i want to be surrounded by people that i don’t feel like i need to impress. ’ ‘ freedom is really hard to get used to. ’ ‘ how could you do this to me? how fucking could you? ’ ‘ i am becoming everything we always dreamed of & i am leaving you behind. ’ ‘ i buried you so well that you might as well have died. ’ ‘ i can rest easy knowing that the person i love is dead & not the monster you became. ’ ‘ i can’t look at you. not now, not ever. ’ ‘ i don’t ask how you’ve been. what’s the point? you’d lie anyways. ’ ‘ i dream of hearing the words i so desperately needed to lay your memory to rest. ’ ‘ i haunted this house first. there is no room for you here. ’ ‘ i have a right to be upset. i loved them too, you know. ’ ‘ i just want it to end. i want it to all go away. i want to go away. ’ ‘ i may be a wolf in sheep’s clothing, but a snake hiding in the skin of a mouse is far more dangerous. ’ ‘ i saw your face today & didn’t feel anything. i am free. ’ ‘ i tried to save you, but you didn’t want to be saved. you just wanted someone to suffer with you. ’ ‘ it’s almost as if you were never here. ’ ‘ it’s unhealthy to do these things, you tell me. you say it’s time to stop smoking, time to stop gambling, & dammit, i f you don’t stop drinking it’ll kill you. i sure hope you’re right, darling. ’ ‘ i’m always pleasantly surprised by how easy it is to kill you in my mind ’ ‘ i’m not really scared to die. i’m more afraid that no one will miss me when i’m gone. ’ ‘ i’m not the person you left behind anymore. there’s no one here to miss. ’ ‘ i’ve been dead far longer than i’ve been alive. ’ ‘ i’ve eaten nothing but flower petals & ivy for weeks because i want to be beautiful inside like you. ’ ‘ i’ve never been completely satisfied. i most likely will still be unsatisfied long after my death. ’ ‘ no motive other than pleasure, my dear. ’ ‘ one day i’ll go or you will. either way, it will be as if i’m losing a piece of myself. ’ ‘ our dreams & promises decay along with you. ’ ‘ the leaves change, but nothing else does. ’ ‘ the only difference between avoiding & leaving is that now i’m not waiting up for you. ’ ‘ there is no such thing as a person who is required to love you. ’ ‘ there’s only so much that can be done to repair old damage. ’ ‘ things aren’t going as i hoped. maybe if i die, i can start over again? better luck next time. ’ ‘ this is not something to be proud of. this is a tragedy. ’ ‘ trying to get rid of me? oh honey, you’ll have to try much harder than that. ’ ‘ trying to get under my skin? you’re nothing more than a pesky itch. ’ ‘ unlike you, i can’t hide my identity when it becomes an inconvenience or a danger. ’ ‘ weeping is for gods & martyrs, we cannot afford such luxuries. ’ ‘ would you even miss me? ’ ‘ you are not important enough to earn an eternal place in my heart. ’ ‘ you complain nonstop about being unloved & alone, i can’t imagine what you’d be like if that were actually true. ’ ‘ you don’t know what it’s like. ’ ‘ you made this so fucking easy for me. ’ ‘ you should see me as a threat. i will tear down everything you know until there is nothing left of you. i am a walking threat. ’ ‘ you think i’m already gone, but i’m still fighting. ’ ‘ you think i’m dead, but i’m just dying. ’ ‘ you were never an addiction, you were a fucking disease. ’ ‘ you wouldn’t dare cross me. i am god & you are the soil beneath my feet. ’ ‘ your existence takes up so much more space in mine that we might as well be one entity. ’ ‘ your fingers are so cold & bruised, but you’re still slamming your fists again the barricade as if it makes a difference. ’ ‘ your hair is tied in a noose & your fingernails are razor blades, your lips are poison & i will gratefully kiss them. ’ ‘ your hatred has a body count & we will not forget. ’ ‘ your loss, not mine. ’ ‘ you’re a sick fuck. you know that? ’ ‘ you’re not gentle with me & i would never ask you to be. ’ ‘ you’ve trapped yourself so thoroughly in your own mind that it’s not even a rut anymore, it’s a pit. ’
memorytaken:
TODAY IS her relaxation day — that is, she spontaneously decided mid - day that she wouldn’t be doing anything but lounge around. the knocking started when she was in the bath, heard his voice well enough to recognize it as someone she could ignore until she was finished. but he’s persistent, isn’t he ? when she answers, it’s with a sour expression half - hidden behind the green face mask, wrapped up in a robe but still trailing water. ❝ i’m busy. ❞
there’s a face - an expression given in response that either reads terror or disgust. JB squints , eyes the rest of her . . . wardrobe until it hits him that he’s been silent for more than a minute - and he just can’t have that. he shakes his head , reaches to try and push past her , “ i don’t care ? just . . . let me---- ”
@memorytaken
he always shows up uninvited. that is - until security is called on him or there’s a rather hefty neighbor showing up to drag him away by the hood of his jacket. either way , he’s there , knocking on the door. “ yo - open up. i gotta find somewhere to lay low for a couple hours , ” JB falls silent for a moment but within the next , he’s pounding his fist against the door even harder , “ open the door , c’mon ! ”
therapy / talking about trauma / post - trauma starters. feel free to change things as necessary.
would you like to talk about it?
please tell me what’s bothering you.
hey, are you okay?
i don’t have to know everything. just what you’re comfortable telling me.
i’m your friend. of course i care.
there’s nothing bad about going to therapy.
would you like to try a different approach?
i – i didn’t know that. i’m sorry.
is this helping?
i’ll try not to ask a lot of questions.
i’m always here if you need me.
shh, it’s alright. shh.
we’re safe now. you’re safe now.
it was just a nightmare.
sweetheart, you have to tell me these things.
you know i’d never judge you for that, right?
i’m worried about you.
is something going on?
everything you say will just be between you and me.
what method do you prefer?
do you need help falling asleep?
anything i could do to help?
why are you like this?
i understand.
sweetie, is there something you aren’t telling me? what’s wrong?
let’s get you cleaned up.
this is good. this is important.
you’re healing, and healing takes time.
we can do more tomorrow.
how about you get some sleep, hm?
bedtime.
it’s ok not to be ok.
tomorrow is another day.
hey, hey, hey. look at me, look at me. it’s okay.
breath in for seven seconds, exhale for eleven …
do you need some space?
remember, look for things that you can touch. ground yourself.
puts a lil mouse ear headband on him :///
SWEET. it really seems to capture the essence.
' is that it ? is that all ? '
MAYBE HE UNLOADED ; maybe he just went berserk and spat out all the thoughts in his head because maybe sometimes it all gets to be too much. JB’s so used to hiding behind the safety of his screen or tucked away behind the LED’s of that rat mask that sometimes he seems to disregard what it means to act decent in a public situation.
“ YEAH, WHATEVER. ” he drops his arms back to his sides, struggles to fit fingers inside the pockets of his jeans nervously, “ i’m done. ”
❝ i don’t get scared. i’m practically fearless. ❞ wink wonk
“ YEAH ? ” he keeps it quiet at first, shuffles keys in one hand to the other and tucking them into his pocket. JB leaves the lanyard attached to key chain free ; lets it hang loosely from the confines of fabric. “ how’s that working for ya ? i’m sure that mindset just has all the guys ‘n’ girls fucking swooning over you , huh ? ” a quick chuckle of laughter slips past - masked by the last few words that come out of his mouth, “ believe me - i should know. ”
❝ i got a rock. ❞
OH, WRENCH. JB applauds you - no, really. there is a sound that emits from the palms of two pale hands quietly smacking together in the silence that follows that wonderful sentence that robotic voice slips out and says. in fact, the DJ even rolls his eyes in retaliation to how stupid it managed to sound. “ fuckin’ fantastic, dude. wait ---- why the fuck do you have a rock , again ? ”