(cant remember the expression "bit off more than i could chew") guess i really sucked off more than i could swallow huh

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(cant remember the expression "bit off more than i could chew") guess i really sucked off more than i could swallow huh
being doomed by the narrative is cool and all but i like when a character is doomed just by being a fucking idiot. sorry that happened to you but it is entirely your own fault and you could have just chosen to not do all that
kaifeng开封, henan province in china by 逃离浪浪山
i was meant to be someones spoiled and mischievous house cat
WHAT THE FUCK IS NONCHALANT 😭😭😭 i was built to take a sword through my chest for you
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Jean-Paul Sartre, Nausea
“ Flowers and Plants ”
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filling the heart.
von Holzhausen
I said: I could be a wolf for you. I could put my teeth on your throat. I could growl. I could eat you whole. I could wait for you in the dark. I could howl against your hair.
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mood
pt 1
iryeon decides one morning to close down his shop. he packs one of his grow-your-own-garden kits, three apples, a container of water, four packets of instant noodles, one set of clothes, and rolls up a blanket. closing his shop is quite simple: all he has to do is flip the sign hanging in the front window, stick a note next to it announcing when he would return, and lock the door.
the first place iryeon goes is the house next door, haewon's house, where he rings the doorbell and asks, "i'm going on a trip, do you want to come?" before he even says hello.
haewon insists on doing more thorough packing job. iryeon gets to stand to the side watching a pile grow steadily in the living room before it shrinks into haewon's backpack, and then he wrinkles his nose when he hears everything jostling around. they have to trudge through haewon's house to go back outside, haewon's house with the unlit rooms and dusty corners, haewon's house that iryeon doesn't know how many people live in. but they make it outside, the two of them, and set off on the road that goes behind the house and out of the village.
-
iryeon first met haewon when school closed down because of a bad storm. the village was flooded quite badly, and the school building had the misfortune to be in the basin between several hills, so all the children got a free wednesday to "self study" and "spend time with their families" and "help around the house." iryeon's parents didn't live in the village and his grandmother had just passed away, so he spent the morning talking to the flowers in his garden. the rain and hail struck right through his umbrella even though he didn't notice, but haewon, who was walking by, must have, because suddenly iryeon found himself to be dry.
"thank you," iryeon said, gazing up at the new, unfamiliar spread over his head.
he kind of recognized haewon from school, but haewon was two classes below him, so he had never bothered to get acquainted. haewon must have kind of recognized him as well, because his eyes went from the rain dripping off iryeon's hair to the splattered rose petals on the ground. they stood like that, still, for a few moments, and then iryeon realized haewon was getting rained on and invited him inside for something warm and a change of clothes.
of course, iryeon knows that's not what happened exactly. but when he thinks back to that day, he remembers rain. and haewon's umbrella. and the split contrast between the two sides of haewon's face, one sleepy, the other curious.
haewon liked the whale mug that iryeon himself used most of the time, so iryeon spooned three ladles of egg soup into it and set it in front of him. he picked a jellyfish mug instead and wondered when his parents would be by next with more mugs and coasters.
-
"iryeon," haewon asks after twenty minutes of quiet trudging through the dusty road. "where are we going?"
"okay," iryeon says absentmindedly before he looks up. "oh. away."
he likes being in his twenties because no one expects a straightforward answer out of him anymore. back in school, he was often forced to speak in redundant sentences, pointing out what was already obvious from the text so that the teacher could pat herself on the back for instilling a lazy habit of surface reading into her students. iryeon always liked looking for the rest of the book instead. and now, he can say whatever he wants, and people can't even complain, because he's right about what he says, he has a job, and he likes his job and is good at it.
but haewon looks at him with a deadpan expression, so iryeon modifies his certain answer into something less certain. "i'm not sure exactly. we'll go this way for a week, and then west for a week, and then south for a week, and take a train back, i guess."
it's an answer wrought with vagueness, but haewon nods. iryeon turns his eyes back to the road. the weather isn't too good today -- it's a humid spring day, grey overhead with minimal sun. the ground looks like it can burst open at any moment. iryeon considers the newly minted railway that runs through the forest up ahead, but ultimately decides to walk. there would be plenty of time for trains later.
they enter the forest abruptly a few minutes later. iryeon takes a moment to register the change in sound, to listen to the steady rustle, the silent fall of wind against leaves. he looks over at haewon for a few moments as well, at the way the forest canopy blots away the glow from his skin. iryeon wonders if it will rain. haewon's looking at a butterfly that's flitting around the palm of his hand with an expression that iryeon supposes is fond.
the straps of his backpack grow damp and harsh against his shoulders some time later. daylight shifts, and shifts again, and suddenly scarlet and orange wash across their skin.
iryeon tosses haewon one of the three apples he has, bites into a second. "the sky cleared up," he says slowly. "we'll find a good sleeping spot before nightfall." iryeon isn't as familiar with the forest as he would like to be, but he almost believes himself. he watches haewon bite hungrily into his apple, hears the crunch of fruit crumbling in his mouth.
"i want to sleep outside," he adds. haewon has been unexpectedly quiet the whole day, no ideas falling straight from his brain to his mouth. iryeon doesn't know what to think about that.
when they finally find a sizable clearing, iryeon fishes out his blanket and the gardening kit he had brought, expands both across the ground. they pile a good collection of logs and he lights them with a snap of his fingers. and then there's quiet around the fire. haewon's butterfly friend alights on his head, pleased.
-
the forest clearing carves out a little round stage in the sky for them where they can watch the stars wink down. iryeon hasn't slept outside on the ground since he was in school, really, but the ground accepts him after a few minutes, warming itself comfortably beneath his back.
they're lying head to head, legs stretched out in opposite directions, so if iryeon turns, he can see the shades of silver falling across the planes of haewon's face, the shadow right above the quirk of his mouth. something stirs in him at that, but he isn't sure what.
"iryeon," haewon says somewhere into the night. he waits until iryeon remembers to hum in response to talk. "what are we doing out here?"
he feels haewon shift around on the ground when there’s no reply, obviously unsatisfied, but iryeon doesn't know why he hiked all the way out here, either. he doesn't know why he asked haewon to come with him; it just felt like the thing to do. he can't remember the last time he willingly did something without haewon.
then, overhead, the stars swirl around in the sky and start to fall. haewon makes a surprised kind of noise, like he’d drawn it out of iryeon and taken it for himself. iryeon considers playing it off as having planned this the whole way, but in the end, he just lifts a hand to point up and say, “hey, look, there’s a meteor shower,” and wait for the surprise to slowly change into delight.
-
tbc
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