Aubade

i'm thinking of sharing an orange, you want a piece (I'll share anyways, this is my way of saying "forgive me, i love you")?

[uhhhhhdellie]

My grandmother's name is Carmen and I haven't seen her in a month now, probably more. I feel the pangs of yearning ripple through me. I count the seconds until I can see her again.

When I see her, her eyes always shine like obsidian shards filled with a thousand stars. Her laughter shakes her whole, vibrant and holy like the sound of a roaring waterfall. Am I not lucky to witness her in her twilight years, still a paragon of flawless grace, a certain regality in her character that permeates her every move?

How can I not love her? How can I not allow her to try? This is she, saying: this is how I will always love you, my dear. Through shaking hands and sharp blade. Eat and be nurtured. And how can I deny her? I will eat from the fruits of her love forever.

[uhhhhhdellie]

a remastered version of a poem (originally written in 2022) about my favorite word in English: aubade. ( ^-^)ノ∠※。.:*:・'°☆

I like reading the dictionary, especially the English one (since its not my native language). It's kind of a hobby of mine, actually. And aubade; it's such a marvelous, specific word. it entices me with its intentionality. as soon as I read the definition, I was completely enraptured by it. I've always found dawn to be such a liminal space, entirely sacred and almost divine. I dunno. I'm a worshipper of all things domestic and ordinary. thanks for reading !

[lovelorngirl]

anyway, don't be a stranger

p.s. i still wait for you

[elainewellspoetry]

The Camp Counselor | 10.01.24

[glowcowboy]

i wasn’t supposed to be a person i should be a well-loved mug or a worn paperback book or a favorite hoodie or a keychain plushie or something

[schuylerpeck]

I don't mean to sound caught in daydreams. maybe I am caught in daydreams. but I swear I can almost remember it. something about how dried leaves catch the wind and spin like school kids. or when a storm's coming in and it sweeps through the treetops, my fingers stretch out and feel its fullness. wasn't the world quieter once? didn't I go a very long time without words? without thought? I miss curling into tight corners. I miss drying out on the line. my neck tipped just so to fill another wine glass. my pages stained with sun. smaller, with simpler worries. I swear I can almost remember it.

[spider-shoes]

on the inevitable and loving despite, despite // a revisitation of this

various wikipedia pages / carl sagan / why the sun chases the moon / war of the foxes - richard siken / drunk drivers, killer whales - car seat headrest / saturn - sleeping at last / pale blue dot, photo from voyager / lighthousekeeping - jeanette winterson / ann druyan / new york times / neil degrasse tyson / david jones

[uhhhhhdellie]

When I'm Among the Trees by Mary Oliver

(she gets it y'all)

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It's simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled

with light, and to shine.”

- Mary Oliver

(footage of all the tree videos on my phone bc I'm almost running out of storage with my fav poet reading my fav poem. hooray!)

ヽ(*´∀｀)八(´∀｀*)ノ

[uhhhhhdellie]

entry 081624

finally!!! I am finally brave enough to post the full entry.

the concept of names and identity are important to me. growing up, I found my name to be so ugly, empty, and inadequate that I was ashamed to introduce myself with it. but now, knowing that it does have meaning and that it was seemingly the perfect name for me, I feel a rush of contentment and acceptance. it is quite a lovely name, and I a blessed beyond measure.

another lovely fact, in Celtic mythology, the alder tree falls under my birthday date. I mean, how lucky am I? I am already a tree, breathing life and finding my way, and I can't wait to witness myself in full bloom.

[uhhhhhdellie]

"have you ever felt truly alive?"

trying to push through the thicket of art block and stumbling through with a dry, hollow mind. eugh. this was all I could muster now when i know i could give so much more and-

give yourself some grace, I say to myself, have you ever felt truly alive?

[uhhhhhdellie]

sculpted

(09.2023)

an old entry from when I was deeply in love. i barely recognize the person i was back then, to the point it makes me cringe internally. still, i recognize the pangs of yearning all too well.

for what more is there than to love? ( and be loved? )

[yakultstan]

[uhhhhhdellie]

a rather strange fantasy, but a fantasy nonetheless;

it is mundane, simple, bliss.

(as am i)

a little snippet of my most recent journal entry <3 alongside the first self-portrait i managed to pump out this year. something so vulnerable about drawing oneself. I do so now with gentleness and a lack of shame that once had plagued me. to view yourself with softness instead of shame is a miracle, one that I embrace with tears and a bleeding heart. how blessed are we to witness the world and change alongside it!

[uhhhhhdellie]

dreams & treasures

I want.

I want many things with the fervor of the most devout believer, that one would call me

ambitious with my dreams.

And who am I to deny this?

I want to have what every human desires, like a stove, like a hug

Like a table or a bookshelf, a pair of arms to sink into.

Can anyone blame my simple dreams, my ordinary fantasies?

The object of my adoration, and

The seed of my envy is a hefty salad with

basil and figs, juicy, ripe tomatoes, honey mustard dressing like

golden streaks wrapping the dish together like a bow.

The gift of life, a pleasure.

(the day after writing this on my journal i had to go and buy the salad. this is the salad. i cried as i ate it, my heart was full of joy. for the first time in many months, my belly was full of joy (joy! at last!))

[uhhhhhdellie]

ARGHHH I miss my computer and all the digital art I lost in the process :( this was a work in progress about Eve. I had to pawn it off but it's ok one day I'll get a new one <3

[uhhhhhdellie]

when in doubt lay on the grass alone at your local park. let the earth swallow you whole.

this will help. maybe if you stay long enough, you will grow roots and find your place? click to find out more.

[uhhhhhdellie]

[ramshackledtrickster]

Day 28: Nexus

"Maybe you will be the one to make all this suffering worth something in the end. Now... listen..."

Ezio speaks to Desmond through the nexus

[uhhhhhdellie]

this scene changed my life forever this a serious canon event/core memory for me. I have never been the same since.