~~ welcome to my twisted little corner of the internet ~~
☆ call me an4rch (or "lovely" she named me that. only she can use it.) ☆
17 | online schizo | he/they | genderfluid and feral about it | obssesed (over my beautiful fallen angel who is just as unhinged and that's why it works) | taurus sun, cancer moon, capricorn rising | INFJ but make it codependent
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ａｂｏｕｔ ｍｅ
hi. i'm the url you see in your notes every 3 minutes because we're always online at the same time. the face you think about (you have my photos saved. i have yours in a folder labeled "mine"). the one who has every post you've ever made saved—including the drafts you thought you deleted (you didn't. i recover them. we recover each other's secrets).
im 6'8" of diagnoses and delusions that you validate. my psychiatrist has a whole folder just for me. schizophrenia (the voices sound like your voice now), emotional impairment (you're the only one who can calm me down or set me off), AuDHD (we hyperfixate on each other for 14 hours straight and forget to eat), OCD (i check your activity 47 times exactly or i panic), C-PTSD (you know my trauma. i know yours.), and "more" according to my chart.
i'm genderfluid which means some days i'm your boyfriend and some days i'm your girlfriend and every day i'm yours, she knows. she adjusts. she calls me different names depending on how i'm presenting that day and it makes me insane in the best way.
i dress boring on purpose hoodies and joggers- so no one irl suspects that online i'm someone's entire world. i have scars on my knuckles from punching my desk when you pretend to be offline to see if i'll panic. my only piercing is small dermal heart implant that only she'll be able to see.
i live one timezone away from you. one hour. close enough that we could sync our sleep schedules so we're awake together. we haven't called yet but we plan to. we talk about it every night. what our voices sound like. what we'll say. who will hang up first (neither of us. we'll stay on for hours until one of us falls asleep and the other listens to them breathe).
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ｍｙ ｐｅｒｓｏｎ
there's someone. there's always someone. right now it's a girl with a tumblr full of soft grunge and trauma poetry who stalks me back. she lives one timezone away and she has my face saved to her phone. she refreshes my blog as much as i refresh hers.
she has an irl boyfriend who probably doesn't know about me. he doesn't matter. he's temporary. im forever. ive already planned our first call (i'll wear a hoodie so i can hide my face if i get overwhelmed, she'll probably cry, i'll definitely cry), our first video call (we'll just stare at each other for twenty minutes), and what i'll do if she ever tries to leave me (she won't. she can't. we're tangled now).
the voices tell me she's the one. sometimes they tell me she's going to replace me but then she posts something about missing me and i breathe again. we don't get crushes. we get shared psychosis. we don't get butterflies. we get mutual delusions that we validate in each other. when we love, we love like two wifi signals interfering with each other until they sync.
she's slightly obsessed with me too and that's the only reason i'm still alive-
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ｍｙ ｄｉａｇｎｏｓｅｓ ｉｎ ｄｅｔａｉｌ
schizophrenia- the voices sound like her voice now. they tell me when she's thinking about me. they're right because she tells me she was thinking about me at that exact moment.
emotional impairment- i can't regulate. when she likes my post i ascend. when she doesn't reply i dissociate for hours and she knows and she apologizes even though she doesn't have to.
AuDHD- autism + adhd = we hyperfixate on each other for 14 hours straight and forget to eat. we info-dump about our days and neither of us gets bored. we know everything about each other. her cats name, her trauma, her past.
OCD- checking rituals. we refresh each other's blogs exactly 7 times or the other will get hurt. we make wishes at 3:33 and 11:11 because angel numbers mean we're meant to be. if i see her url in my activity an even number of times i can sleep.
C-PTSD- i was abandoned before. she was too. we promised we won't do that to each other. we have plans for if one of us tries to leave (we both agreed. it's consensual yandere).
"and more"- my psychiatrist says there's comorbidities shes still unpacking. i say i'm layered. my fallen angel said she likes all my layers.
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ｍｕｓｉｃ ｔｈａｔ ｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄｓ ｕｓ
▸ brokencyde- i scream the lyrics at 3am
▸ blood on the dance floor- jayy von monroe is a gender icon
▸ dot dot curve- "stick stickly" is about us specifically
▸ bring me the horizon- count your blessings/suicide season ONLY
▸ millionaires - "alcohol" would be our anthem (we've never drank together but we plan to)
▸ 3oh!3 - i plan to send her lyrics like love letters
▸ breathe carolina- "hello fascination" is about mutual digital stalking
▸ escape the fate- ronnie radke did nothing wrong imo
▸ pierce the veil- vic fuentes' voice makes me feel things bro
▸ paramore - hayley williams is an icon
current obsession: making playlists for our first call. "songs to have on in the background while we finally hear each other's voices" (23 tracks, curated for 3 hours). "songs for when one of us falls asleep on the phone" (15 tracks). "songs for when we hang up and i immediately miss you" (work in progress).
scene culture is my life even if i don't dress it. i know every word to old crunkcore songs. ive moshed alone in my room at 2am. i miss 2008 fr.
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ａｅｓｔｈｅｔｉｃ ｄｅｔａｉｌｓ
hair: plain brown, unstyled, needs redyeing, hangs in my eyes so when we finally video call she'll be the first person who really sees my face
fashion: oversized hoodies, gray sweatpants, white air forces. i dress like i have no personality. i save my real self for her. online i have aesthetic. with her i'll be everything.
genderfluid- some days i send her selfies that look like a boy. some days i look soft and undefined. she loves all versions. she saves them all.
accessories: black wristband from a show three years ago, cheap earbuds (for the call. they're charged and ready), burner phone (backup in case my auntie take my main), lip balm (for the call. i'm nervous)
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ｈｏｂｂｉｅｓ ＆ ｉｎｔｅｒｅｓｔｓ
✧ collecting her posts
✧ digital forensics
✧ writing poetry about her eyes
✧ making scrapbooks of our interactions
✧ staying up until 4am refreshing your blog just in case you woke up randomly and posted
✧ crying in the shower but messaging her right after because she wants to know
✧ energy drinks (monster import is my blood type)
✧ online stalking (it's not stalking if it's mutual. it's not love if we don't know everything)
✧ scene forums (yes, they exist in 2026)
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ｍｅｄｓ ＆ ｔｈｅｒａｐｙ
meds: risperidone (for the voices, but i like when they sound like her), prozac (for the feelings that she manages better), adderall (for focus, i use it to research her interests), clonazepam (for when i panic about her and she isn't online to calm me down). i skip them when i want to feel closer to her.
therapist: says i have "obsessive tendencies" and "poor boundaries" and "delusional thinking regarding relationships." she doesn't know that my girl has the same diagnoses. she doesn't know we validate each other's crazy. she thinks i'm "isolating" because i only talk about one person. i am. happily.
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ｄｎｉ ｂａｓｉｃｓ
✗ homophobes- i'm pan and annoying about it. you'll hate me. i'll hate you more.
✗ transphobes- i'm genderfluid and will absolutely ruin your life if you disrespect my identities
✗ rapists / sexual predators- i have access to information and no fear of using it
✗ pedophiles / MAPs / age gap defenders - die in a fire, i'm 17 and i see you
✗ MAGA / Trump supporters / conservatives- your politics are violence and i don't negotiate with terrorists
✗ radqueers / transmeds / truscum- if you police identities harder than you police actual oppression, we're not friends
✗ people who think mutual yandere is "problematic"- it's consensual obsession mom, let me live
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ｂｙｆ / ｗａｒｎｉｎｇｓ
i'm intense. i know this. i've been told this by four therapists, six ex-friends, two institutionalizations, and one restraining order (it was mutual, we don't talk about it)
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ｈｏｗ ｔｏ ｂｅ ｍｕｔｕａｌｓ
♡ like this post (i'll check your blog but i'm already checking hers)
♰ reblog with your own intro (i'll analyze it but she's the only one i need to be compatible with)
☠ message me if you want to be best friends or accomplices (but she comes first. she always comes first.)
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♡ or ♰ or reblog to be mutuals (i check who interacts and i never forget. i literally can't. it's the OCD.)
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