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dump site

[un1queusername]

sino itech gusto akong makapasok sa UP pero sasabihan ng NPA ang mga estudyante don 🤔 for namesake lang ba kaya ako gustong makapasok doon? sino itech nang-ninitpick ng iccriticize sa mga kakampink pero di naman iniintindi kung anong magandang ipinaglalaban ng karamihan sa amin? bakit ba kasi si BBM? itabi mo kay leni, bakit siya sinusuportahan mo?

[un1queusername]

I dont know what to do so that I can feel something new. I dont want to just have days when I get my shit together or days when I'm overwhelmed. I want something new. I want to be happy. I don't want things to be just "up to me" anymore. Because you know what? I'm already alone and things are already up to me. I got enough of that choice already. I want something that will drag me and push me. Mostly I mean these things to be positive exciting things. I don't mean challenge, I got enough of that shit right now. Pushing myself everyday is already a challenge. I want someone who will drag me to go somewhere or do something. I'm just sick of just gaslighting myself that everything is MY choice and I chose to be here. I can't really do these things alone you know I honestly dont feel that. I just dont want anyone, not even myself anymore, to tell me, "You got this. You can do that. Everything will pass" and shit. Fuck that! I can do that myself and I already TELL that to myself. And it's not getting me anywhere. It's just something that I cling to.

Ugh just get me anywhere but here. SOMEONE.

[un1queusername]

HINDI KO TALAGA ALAM KUNG SINADYA NI LORD NA GUMAWA NG MGA NILALANG NA MAGIGING ALAY SA MGA KAMALASAN SA MUNDO WOWS ALAM MO FEELING KO ISA KO DON. HINDI KO ALAM BAT HINDI AKO PINAGPALA. LIKE WAG MONG MASABI SABI NA PINAGPALA AKO KASI MAGALING AKO KUMANTA ????????? MAGALING IS AN OVERSTATEMENT EVEN. HINDI AKO PINAGPALA DAHIL HINDI AKO NAGUGUTOM AT MERON KAMING INTERNET AT NAPPROVIDE NAMAN MGA KAILANGAN KO KASI PUTA YUN LANG BA BASEHAN????? HINDI AKO SINUPORTAHAN EMOTIONALLY. WALA. I WASNT TAUGHT TO UNDERSTAND MYSELF I DONT RECALL I DONT HAVE A MEMPRY OF IT. ANG NAAALALA KO LANG PINAGAGALITAN AKO PAG MAY MALI AKONG GIANGAWA. ANG ALAM KO LANG KAILANGAN KONG MAG-ARAL. ANG TUMATAK SA ISIP KO, WEAK AKO KASI HINDI AKO LUMAKI SA LABAS. I GREW UP SO INSECURE AND NO ONE UNDERSTOOD. I AM MOSTLY LEFT TO DEAL WITH MYSELF EMOTIONALLY. SUCK IT UP LAGING YAN ANG NASA ISIP KO. KASI LAHAT NG MATERYAL NA BAGAY NABIBIGAY SAKIN. PINAGPALA AKO DAHIL DIYAN. ANG KITID. ANG KITID NG UTAK NG MGA PILIPINO. AT TINGIN KO RIN I AM GROWING UP TO BE PROBLEMATIC. I CANT MAKE RELATIONSHIPS GROW. WALA AKONG MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS. THEY'RE ALL SHALLOW. AND ULTIMATELY I KNOW THAT IT'S ALL IN MY HANDS. ULTIMATELY IT'S MY CHOICE. AND IT'S HARD. KASI ALAM KO NAMAN NA SA HULI SAKIN TALAGA BABAGSAK. PERO MAG-ISA KO. PUTANG INA AYOKONG MAGKAROON NG SAMA NG LOOB PERO PARANG DUN AKO PATUNGO. I AM FUCKING STUCK. NAKAKAPAGOD SA UTAK.

[un1queusername]

my dog just died this morning. it's like God tells me to grow up

[un1queusername]

i'm trying so hard to get my shit together. i'm trying to not be messy and mix everything up. please someone just hfjdkslfhjdskalfjwklfhdjsklfdjsklhfnjdlhfjdkkslfhjdsklafjalfdjsafhjlfsjdaf d i kinda want my old self back. the nerdy one who can explain things thoroughly. but just,,,, right now, i'm trying so hard to have my explanation as short as possible. to be cONCISE and not look like i'm explaining too much. but it's,,,,,, i dunno it needs work. it needs to be parsimonious. well, maybe it's just not working now. i'll try next time. she's not mad. i think she thinks my explanations are always hard to understand. pero that's fine. she's not mad. i'm sure she gets it that i'm trying to help but it's time for me to stop hahahahhaha. because it will just get messier. i'll have some dignity. i'm trying to help but i guess it wasn't just much of a help. but i hope she did get something. iopwjknjjkldsjfldshjf whatever. i'll leave it at that i guess. the more i think of it, the worse it gets. HAY NAKO EWAN. i just hope everything falls into its place. i hope everything works in harmony.

[un1queusername]

i hate adler. reading his theory feels too personal 🤧 esp in this panoramic?¿?????¿? when i'm all vulnerable and fragile¿??¿??¿ i hate this. i hate online classes.

[un1queusername]

one thing i LEARNED about myself today is that with things that are not my type but i, somehow, am into them, i learn their intricacies and details. a love language. i try to get my way into them with my language. i try to understand them with how my mind works – with intricacies and details.

AAHH A FASCINATING THING ABOUT ME HAHA REALLY, I'M FASCINATED LEARNING THAT.

[un1queusername]

i just want to tell my some-hours-ago self to calm down. you're raging about this boy not taking the diploma with you 😂😂😂 but ok that was a good rant. will buy again 5/5 👍

[un1queusername]

i just want to scream what i honestly feel. no one's gonna see this anyway

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH.

[un1queusername]

uGh if he takes the chance, fine. if not, FINE. it is what it is, whatever will be will be. won't go further than that anymore. have some dignity self. FUCK WHAT KIND OF COMMUNICATION IS THIS. I DONT WANT THIS. IT JUST WONT BE CLEAR. FUCK WHOEVER'S FAULT IS THIS I DONT CARE I HATE THIS I DONT WANT THIS KIND. TANGINA ANG LABO LANG NALALABUAN AKO. WALA KONG PAKE KUNG SINO MAY MALI OR WHAT BASTA AKO SA SARILI KO NALALABUAN AKO KASI DI KO MAINTINDIHAN TALAGA AND I HATE IT. I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE KUNG DI KA PUPUNTA NEXT WEEK EDI WAG. SANA NA-ADD UP MO NA YUNG CLUES NO I'M GETTING MINE NEXT WEEK. AND I'M LEAVING CLUES NA LANG KASI NAHIHIYA NA KO SAYO HINDI KITA MAINTINDIHAN KUNG GUSTO MO PA O HINDE KASI PAG CHINACHAT NAMAN KITA NANGANGAMUSTA KA NAMAN. SABI MO PA NUNG DECEMBER NA YOU'RE HOPING TO SEE ME TOO TANGINA PERO YOU WON'T EVEN TAKE THE CHANCE OF ASKING ME KUNG GUSTO MO SABAY NA NATIN KUNIN YUNG DIPLOMA SA SCHOOL. TINANONG NA KITA OH KUNG NAKUHA MO NA YUNG IYO. TINANONG MO RIN AKO KUNG NAKUHA KO NA YUNG AKIN PERO YOU JUST WONT. GO. FURTHER. I'M HERE MAKING A WAY, WHY WONT YOU CROSS IT???? ALANGAN NAMAN AKO PA MAGSABI NA SABAY NA TAYO KUMUHA DIBA TANGINA HIYANG-HIYA NA KO IKAW NAMAN GUMAWA NG PARAAN, AKO NA LANG LAGI EH

I'LL TAKE IT THIS WAY. I'M ASSUMING AYAW MO NA. AYAW MO BECAUSE YOU WON'T GO FURTHER. IT'S FUCKING OBVIOUS ALREADY. NASA HARAP MO NA YUNG CHANCE PERO YOU WON'T TAKE IT. SIGE. JUST. FUCK. ANG LABO.

BUT IF YOU DO GO, FINE. FUCK U. WHY EVEN LEAD ME ON IN THE FIRST PLACE.

will it hurt to just see each other AS FRIENDS?? WE'RE NOT EVEN SOMETHING SO WHY IS IT LIKE... A BIG DEAL TO YOU TO SEE ME?? CASUAL LANG GORL CASUAL LANG YON TO SEE YOU. I JUST WANT TO SEE YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE A FRIEND. LOL AS IF NAMAN I'D ASK U TO BE MY BOYFRIEND. AS IF. I HAVE SO MANY REASONS NOT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE JUST YET.

pero oo nga hindi naman to wala lang. there was something. and fuck u for leading me on. lapit ka nang lapit sakin non. halatang u were hesitating pero still u went on. what do u expect??? of course i'd tell u i like u because i like u DUH. tangina magpapakipot pa ba ko???

i'm partly to be blamed. maybe i shouldn't have told you i liked you yet. i should've made it sure first.

pero after non diba we kept in contact?? not everyday pero pinapaalam mo sakin kung anong sched mo sa church every night. i wasn't expecting much from u kasi alam naman natin na we're both not ready and we're just seeing where we'll go. pero of course, not expecting much doesn't mean i am not expecting SOMETHING. kulang yung something mo kasi it just leaves me hanging.

you're so inconsistent. this just makes it clear to me na you're hesitating. i'll just expect NOTHING.

i hope you get the clue that if i didn't go this friday, then i'm going NEXT FRIDAY. every friday lang ako available na weekday. one week na lang din bakasyon mo so i hope you also get it that i am going NEXT WEEK, not next next week, kasi hanggang next week ka na lang available. that means i am NOT closing my doors. WALK IT.

[un1queusername]

take it or leave it i'm getting mine next WEEK

[un1queusername]

that was a joke HAHA tho i'll be chill this time and i wont force things. i'll just respond according to what's on my mind lol

[un1queusername]

if you dont reply, ayoko na lolz

[un1queusername]

we'll see each other soon 🤞

[un1queusername]

My Naked Body

i am extra sensitive today because there's no interactions, happenings, that clothe my naked body. i fit them, they fit me. i abandon the pieces that do not suit well. in return... there's nothing in return because they're just clothes. clothes to me.

but now they're all gone. i am naked now. all time low.

if only i were comfortable with being bare, i wouldn't care.

maybe if i just flaunt it and let them poke wounds on me. until i grow numb. because that's what gives me life. the unexpectedness of what's around and how they'd find me. after all, it's not all wounds. maybe they'd give me flowers and paint my skin. just get moving, run all bare, and i'll get used to it eventually, to my naked body.

and i wouldn't wear them as clothes anymore. because they're not clothes that cover my nakedness and protect me from being scarred. they're the ones that scar or beautify me. they're either the rocks or the mist and colors of the wind. i am not with them as they are not with me.

and as i keep running, i'll then learn how to dodge the stones. or redirect my path to where the air's misty and colorful. and i'll get used to it, to my scarred colorful naked body.

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kinda cliché but this is the thought cycle my mind is in ever since this fokin pandemic has started. this is genuinely what's all in my head right now.

[un1queusername]

I'm out of space for growth and it hurts. I need space.

[un1queusername]

HAHAHA i literally dream about this person every. night. not complaining tho. sana naman mag-manifest into reality lol geez i hope FIRST that he's the right person and we'll work smoothly. right now, malayo pa kami don. i can't see it working yet. we're still uncomfortable and stiff.

for me, i still want to take my time. i hope we're on the same page. i hope it's the same for him, that he's taking his time too. and i hope he hopes the same thing about us ahahahaha