Nana looks at her nails. She hardly remembers the moment, but someone in makeup said they had to do her nails. Weird when someone else does your makeup - she remembered enjoying doing it herself at one time, but now it is like being forced in a chair while strangers touch her face. Looking in the mirror, the complete image makes her feel like a clown. She could of sworn she said black when they asked her for the polish color, but absentmindedly she might have said french, like Hachiko sometimes did. Was today a bad day? She could only think of that sad feeling that overcame her once she had thrown her cell phone at an annoying paparazzi. Whoops, it would probably be in the news tomorrow. When the phone hit the ground and smashed to pieces she felt a nostalgia of great loss and despair, like when the strawberry glass rolled off the table back in 707. It seemed right at the time that she smash the other, but now she sort of wished she had just kept the other glass to herself. Strawberries used to be her favorite, and now along with most other things she once loved, they just brought on emotions of regret - and longing. She never was good at using the phone, but at the very least she knew Hachiko's number was in there, calling to her as if she could see those puppy eyes ...
These days it seemed easier to busy herself than think of Hachi. But some days were worse than others. Like today, like the past few days. Coming back to her place it was empty and she was alone - although she found herself surrounded by people during the majority of the day, there was some solace in actual solitude. Even from Ren. When he finds out about the phone he would probably just laugh and get her a new one - something about that just pissed her off more though. His laughing.
Sometimes, she just wanted to hear her laugh.
Hachi wasn't hers anymore though.
The computer looked like it was collecting dust for awhile - she never really got the whole social networking thing, but without a phone she vaguely remembered getting a text about this "tumbler".
It wasn't hard to find, at first she had tried Komatsu Nana thinking her friend wouldn't have used the fond pet name she had given her - but after 'strawberry' and Hachiko it was easy to find. And there was no mistaking her for anyone else.
There were so many things she wanted to tell her, how she missed her, how she wished they were back in 707. How she should leave that bastard and come back home. There were times where even her time with Ren seemed...diminished. It was him, sure, but he had left. More often did she think about that fuckin' warehouse and that little tub where they used to talk, fuck, play music. But it wasn't like that anymore, now their time alone felt like they were always being watched. And he was forever scarred into her arm, as a reminder. She even thought she missed that lonely feeling after he had left for Tokyo, and his memory wasn't tainted by that carefree laugh he still carried about as if things were better now. But she couldn't complain. He still loved her. She still loved Ren. Wasn't that supposed to be enough?
Taking a breath and craving tobacco over oxygen, her white tipped "french manicure" came upon the keyboard, trying to think about how to go about saying what she wanted to say to Hachi.
She typed, but it was deleted.
No, that wasn't right either.
I wish we could go home...
No, what was she, helpless without her? She wasn't depressed or lonely. This is how I am, she thought.
The days with Hachiko were but a break from her usual grim self - they were fun, happy times. But they were over.
That's how it is, happiness comes and disappears before she can even grasp it.
Did you forget me, Hachiko?
I want to go back to 707.
I want to find new strawberry glasses.
I want to be able to thank Nobu for taking care of you.
I want to hug you while you cry about another boy you fell in love with, and tell you to forget them, save you and make you realize you don't need them.
But that would be selfish of her, because she needed Ren, the way Hachi needs ..Takumi? It was still hard to believe. So selfish, that she ended up only writing about what she wanted.
Congratulations on getting married.
"Hachiko, what the fuck is tumblr? My phone's broken actually...I guess I'll use this. Strawberries for your wallpaper, really? Well, I don't know how to use this at all."
Maybe you should help me make mine....She had begun to type, but she deleted that part too.
Somehow any suggestion that they should meet again was something she wanted to avoid - she didn't think of why, it just remained that way.
There was one last thing she added, and it wasn't deleted, and by that point she had pressed enter and closed the computer. Even though she sent it, she couldn't help but think it was a lie. Because she was selfish...
"I hope you are happy and well."
The truth was, she hoped Hachi would be miserable, then maybe she would come back to her.
And she really wanted a cigarette. But she couldn't do that, she needed to protect her voice, without her voice, she was just....
