HOW TO BE A WOMAN; a style guide based on things I have genuinely seen on the internet: CLOTHING: 1. jeans are so cute they show you’re a laid-back kind of girl 2. don’t wear jeans, they’re so lazy 3. DO wear jeans, just not high-waisted ones 4. but never sweatpants 5. unless you’re not wearing underwear (cute winky face) 6. a sweater is fine if you’re half naked, else it’s bulky 7. dress tasteful, dread the curse that no one will marry you 8. but don’t dress like a prude, fear the reality no one will want you 9. also don’t wear makeup or like fashion because it’s shallow 10. but always be wearing makeup and nice clothes 11. going shopping for new clothes - dumb girls, am i right? 12. but having the same four shirts is legitimately posion 13. crop tops are in 14. and also one of the sixteen traits men HATE that are happening 15. spaghetti straps are way too alluring, bake alive in the summer 16. you don’t deserve cheap but durable clothing, it is a myth 17. and on that note, so are pockets BODY: 1. you’re not a woman without curves! 2. but like in all the right places 3. not like thin-thin but like thin 4. like be a victoria’s secret model is what we’re saying 5. actually you know what try not to have any body whatsoever, we much prefer a glowing orb of cotton candy and glitter BEHAVIOR: 1. be confident! 2. well actually men like women who show weakness 3. thirty, flirty, and thriving 4. but actually you should be twenty-five and modest and a housewife 5. know how to cook, clean, and sew 6. and also watch sports, change your own engine, and drive a truck 7. the strongest woman lets a man help her! 8. but really honey when will you clean up the house a little 9. be passionate, be charismatic, be fun 10. but don’t overwhelm him with your obssession, it’s gross 11. and don’t be an attention seeker, save the charm for in private 12. also above all don’t be crazy! follow his lead in adventures 13. speak your mind 14. never do that i lied 15. go out there and find your own guy, there’s no prince charming 16. just kidding the guy you picked is trash all girls love jerks 17. apologize before asking questions or speaking or when existing 18. friendly reminder from an old guy that apologies are a weakness 19. be cute and mysterious: have issues that your partner can solve 20. wait we just realized having real problems isn’t actually cute at all 21. like, you know, let him save you, but don’t be, like, mentally ill 22. also, save him, he is a sad protagonist 23. be funny but never as funny as the guy in the room 24. the real kind of beautiful is unconventional 25. here are sixteen supermodels who look nothing like that 26. kissing girls is only acceptable if a man is present to watch 27. your behavior when drunk isn’t concerning, it’s vine-worthy 28. nobody will help you, you got yourself into this mess 29. say no to food, to sex, to drugs, to liquor, it’s crass to have fun 30. do not write feminist poetry you will get your own reddit thread 31. but don’t be afraid express yourself, make a splash 32. oh god not like that 33. being single is okay as long as you’re straight and pretty 34. everything you do, say, think, or feel will be judged to an extent that you will have to question your own motives and behaviors before engaging in them 35. but go out there, have some fun! it’s great to be a woman!
Pro tip: usually when a straight guy gives you advice on how to be a woman, he’s not telling you to help you. He’s telling you to help himself. [A list I could never finish] // r.i.d (via inkskinned)
