do not underestimate a woman @flowerlygirls - Tumblr Blog

It’s kind of harder for me to participate in abortion discourse since having an abortion myself. bc now with this hindsight i feel like a lot the discourse gets it it a bit wrong and it’s hard for me to explain how and why exactly it’s just the wrong perception of what abortion is. It is not remotely easy physically or mentally and this should be much more prominent in discussion, but instead i feel like it’s all very flippant and most people have the perception that abortions are pretty simple and easy to recover from especially if you’re 100% sure and not maternal or emotional about it- which is the perception i also had. It’s only since having an abortion that i know this perception to be misguided and believe the physical and mental toll, pain, and discomfort should be at the forefront of discussions.

gender-critical-analytical

See, this is very interesting for me, because I have also had an abortion, and while I don't relate at all to any mental or emotional stress or distress, and didn't really feel any toll in that regard (I, myself, was very flippant about it, and still am. I respect that some women won't be, but I had no feelings but relief about it), so I won't comment on that portion, I was entirely blown out of the water by the physical pain of the procedure.

I feel like anything I'd read, including a great many medical sources, feminist sources, and the actual instructions given with the medication, didn't prepare me at all for what to expect, and in fact, I feel like it was minimized by a lot. I went into it expecting "extra rough period cramp" type of pain. Several articles (and the advice given by with the meds) advised to put on a comfort show and have some food that I enjoy; take some over the counter pain meds. It was easily the worst pain I've felt in my life. I had an abdominal surgery a few months ago, I've broken a few bones, I cut the tip of my finger off last year, and none of these, even a teensy bit, compared to the mildest pain I experienced during my abortion.

I was completely blindsided. I almost caved and asked to be taken to the hospital, because NOTHING I had read had described anything even close to how bad the pain was. It came in waves, and there would be thirty to forty minute intervals where I couldn't even speak if I wanted to. I curled into a ball and just laid there. I won't lie and say it wasn't traumatic.

My first thought, tbh, was "holy shit, is this what other women's period cramps feel like? Have I just been lucky this whole time?" But a while back, when I still used TikTok, I came across an abortion joke video, and a ton of women in the comments were discussing how painful it was, and how they weren't prepared for it properly because they'd been told to expect much milder pain.

It was about a 9 hour process, for me, and as soon as the pain waned, I was out like a light. I had no residual symptoms the next day, thankfully, but during it I was almost positive that something had to be going wrong, because I hadn't seen anyone anywhere mentioning that it could hurt that bad.

I'd have made the same choice, regardless, but honestly I think some much stronger pain medication should be prescribed, and I think more research should be done to find out what factors impact how bad the pain will be, so we can at least be better prepared for what to expect.

preposterousblasphemy

The pain is often described as similar to period cramps, catching some women off guard if it turns out to be more severe.

dreichsmirr

My abortion pain was honestly the worst thing I have very felt. Incomparable to anything else. Not even close. They said I would start experiencing mild discomfort within 30 minutes of taking the second pill. It was more like within two minutes I was getting severe cramps. Within 10 minutes I had projectile vomited on my bathroom wall. Within 30 minutes I was screaming.

My partner gets flashbacks to it sometimes because I locked my bathroom door behind me when I bolted in there (the meds also gave me instant diarrhea) and then I couldn't stand long enough to unlock it again. He listened to me screaming on the other side of the door for 15 minutes before the pain abated enough for me to stand up and let him in. I bled so much we thought I was hemorrhaging.

I took all the pain meds we had in the house and was in and out of consciousness for 20 hours. I was too weak to walk up my stairs without a break for a week afterwards. I have come out of a surgery that required general anaesthetic in a better condition than I was after my abortion.

And like @goodmiffy I had quite a lot of mental difficulty with it that I hadn't expected as I was completely confident in my choice. I would have a termination again if I was pregnant now, pain notwithstanding. But it was not easy at all, and it took about 6 months of processing the feelings around it before I would say I was back to normal. I definitely agree that most feminist conversations make it out to be something very easy and I was woefully underprepared for the reality.

apportioned-abortion

As someone who has experienced two medical abortions and two deliveries of babies (one single and one set of twins), the problem with these discussions about abortion and about pregnancy and childbirth is that there is no "normal" experience. There is an insanely wide range of what women experience, more than most other medical experiences. Same with periods. Even the same woman can experience vastly different things.

My two medical abortions (10 weeks and 11 weeks) were extremely easy. They were easy for me emotionally. I felt nervous beforehand but I felt relief afterwards. While I did experience some pain, it wasn't worse than my typical period cramps or bad food poisoning.

My two births and pregnancies were also extremely different. My firstborn extremely traumatized me. The delivery was wretched, my postpartum was horrible and slow and painful... I just assumed everyone else was lying about their positive delivery stories to save face. Meanwhile, for my twins, the pregnancy was horrible and I wanted to die, but my delivery was basically painless and was done super quickly.

For periods, I used to have cramps so bad I would lose consciousness and black out on the bathroom floor, whereas now, I get some back pain for a few days and get very sleepy.

What this has taught me on a personal level is that anything to do with a woman's reproductive system is incredibly varied, and there is nothing an individual can do to affect it. Someone having an easier time doesn't take away from the trauma of someone else's experience, and someone else having a horrible time doesn't mean that the women who have it easier are lying or covering anything up.

Culturally, we dismiss women's ability to tell their own experiences and relay their own narratives honestly and faithfully. Even after years of trying to deprogram, I still subconsciously do it, and other feminists do too - cultural programming is hard to completely rid yourself of. It's easy for people who haven't had these experiences to listen to the stories that validate their own worldview and dismiss the ones that "don't fit the narrative".

Abortions, periods, and childbirth all utilize the same organs, affect the same systems, and affect every woman incredibly differently. This is why it is so important, in my opinion, that women speak openly and freely with each other about their own experiences. The abortion narrative should have women who have had abortions at the forefront. The pregnancy/childbirth narrative should have women who have been pregnant and given birth at the forefront. Same for women who have had miscarriages or have underwent IVF.

otterjpg

OP of the most mediocre post youve seen this Tuesday, gleefully screenshotting a tag which says 'investing at 6 notes' and typing out a faux "no you can't DO this to me" in a reblog

frostedmagnolias

Evening Dress

c. 1921-1922

Evening dress of gold and black brocade, beaded with blue and pearls. Gold lace inserts over satin underbodice

by Callot Soeurs

Drexel University

sisterofrage

Always remember that men are the gold diggers, the resource hoarders, and they do NOT care about you. They will happily watch a woman work herself to the grave, grow sick, work through the sickness, and sell priceless belongings and continue using her.

They are parasites to the core. They will never love us. Stop expecting them to.

sircuitgirl

I never want to hear women like this accuse men of locker room talk ever again. You’re a rape culture bro with XX chromosomes

flowerlygirls

its always with the stupid "hold accountable and educate" so what exactly are you doing irl? how wpuld you """hold him accountable""" ?? do they mean just telling him ohhh you been a bad boy!!!!

and educating???? morons really think that men just dont know that women are human beings. like oops nobody in school ever taught me that women have worth and feelings and hopes and dreams!

men who still interact with rapists are evil, and women who do so so fucking stupid sorry. like, the same level of stupid that a person voting against their own interest and then being surprised when they get fucked over is.

negativepeanuthoarder

"love is what makes us human" actually it's 'select all images with boat' but go off I guess

justjensenanddean

Jensen Ackles | Vancouver Convention (October 23, 2022) [x]

#his tongue looks so soft in the first gif 😵‍💫🤤#jackles

kragehund-est

people don't like to acknowledge that the "heh LUCKY, where was she when i was in school?" reaction to female teachers predating on male students is primarily because those men are sexist towards women.

yes, she is the abuser and the student is the victim. yes, it is also sexist and gross that they would assume young boys have those sexual feelings towards their abuser. so the RESULT of those comments is harm towards the victims and defense of the abuser.

but the SOURCE of those comments is less that they can't see boys as victims and more that they think women are sex objects, so how could a boy be victimized by a sex object? you can see that because mentions of the victim are always throwaway lines and projection like "eh, he probably liked it anyway" and the mentions of the abuser are rants about how hot the teacher is and how bad THEY want her.

they KNOW boys can be victims, you can see that when there's a male perpetrator. but to those people, it's the same as if you'd said the boy was given a free cheeseburger to eat or a sports car to drive. this is not to defend the abusers in any way at all. this is to explain my analysis of where these comments from come from, and what the result is.