all I want to do is die but life keeps getting in the way
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@unapproved-coping-skills
all I want to do is die but life keeps getting in the way
Busting Schizophrenia Myths!
“Aren’t schizophrenic people dangerous-” No. Violence towards other people isn’t a symptom of schizophrenia, nor is it common in schizophrenic people. That’s not to say that no one with schizophrenia has ever been violent because of their psychosis, but it isn’t a symptom of or in the diagnostic criteria for the illness, and schizophrenic people in general are no more likely to be violent than anyone else.
“Isn’t that when you have multiple personalities-” No. Schizophrenia isn’t about having multiple personalities - that’s called Dissociative Identity Disorder and is a completely different mental illness. Schizophrenic people might hear one or more voices in their heads and may feel like their actions or thoughts are being controlled by other people/outside forces, but this isn’t the same as having several personalities as it’s always the schizophrenic persons own personality which reacts to these distressing experiences.
“Isn’t schizophrenia when you’re psychotic like when you hear voices and stuff-” Yes, but schizophrenia isn’t “just” about experiencing psychosis (hallucinations, disorganized thinking/speech/behavior and delusions), it also consists of what’s called negative symptoms (lack of energy, lack of motivation, social isolation, lacking or inappropriate emotional responses, lack of ability to feel pleasure) and cognitive symptoms (impaired memory, impaired concentration, learning difficulties, executive dysfunction and impaired working memory). Schizophrenia is a complex mental illness and psychosis is only 1/3 of what schizophrenic people struggle with.
“You can’t recover from schizophrenia, right-” Not true. 25% of the people diagnosed with schizophrenia are symptom free within 5-10 years of being diagnosed with the illness and up to 80% improve with ongoing treatment and support. Schizophrenia isn’t necessarily a life sentence, and while you can’t EXPECT to recover from schizophrenia and while there’s no known cure, recovery is possible for many people with the right treatment.
“Shouldn’t schizophrenic people be locked up-” No. Schizophrenic people are people just like everyone else, and we have the right to the same human rights and the same freedom as other people. We might need to be hospitalized for our own safety sometimes, but we have as much of a right to be a part of and interact with society as everyone else.
“Real schizophrenic people don’t know they’re sick, right-” Some don’t, but at least 45% of schizophrenics are aware that they’re suffering from schizophrenia, so a person being aware that they’re schizophrenic and having insight into their illness/knowing that what they’re experiencing isn’t real or normal isn’t a sign that they aren’t really sick.
“What if schizophrenic people just have special powers-” I’m not going to deny you your right to your spiritual beliefs, but I’m going to insist that you don’t force them onto me or any other schizophrenic person. Just like I’m not gonna show up at a Christians door saying that God isn’t real just because I’m an atheist, you don’t get to tell a schizophrenic person that they can see into other dimensions or talk to spirits. You risk triggering or worsening our illness by sharing your spiritual or religious speculations, so don’t bring them up. Ever.
“Aren’t schizophrenic people dangerous if they don’t take their meds-” No. Anti psychotic meds are heavy medication that impacts your life in many ways, and taking them should always be a free choice. Some people would rather live with their psychosis than take anti psychotic medication, and this doesn’t automatically make them a danger to anyone.
I would really appreciate if non schizophrenic people would consider boosting this post as schizophrenia is a very misunderstood and stigmatized mental illness and I want this post to show up on as many dashes as possible.
My mother is schizophrenic and she’s very violent. I agree with you though that schizophrenia isn’t the cause of that. She’s a military vet with a mean streak a mile wide. She just likes to be vicious with or with out her illness. And although my mother should be locked up it’s not because she s schizophrenic. People need to be better about separating illnesses from thier sufferers. That would be like saying all brown eyed people are violent because my mother has brown eye. No she’s violent because she was conditioned from a young age to glorify violence and see it as a good option for solving problems.
I self harm. And how I do that is by beating myself. Mostly in my legs
I got really upset this morning at what essentially was a stupid miscommunication.
Now i just feel like a dick with sore legs
Feeling really shitty about myself for no reason.
Mmmm, things have been better. I got prescribed anti depressants on Thursday, I haven't started taking them yet. Just a little worried about it. I don't know though it should probably help. I've been struggling to work on commissions. Even though I've been really depressed I managed to get all but one of them finished. I'm not at the deadline for the last one yet either so I feel pretty proud of myself.
It really helps me when I can push threw a sever depressive episode, just makes me deal a little better. Sucks at the time but getting up an being productive is really helpful to my mental state. Seems like the more sever of a depression I'm in the more doing things helps. Even little things.
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Typed up a super long self hating post a few days ago but deleted it...
Like I know people don’t like to hear this on here, but,,, Exercise does temporarily relieve anxiety and/or depression and chronic exercise has even been known to reduce catecholamine and cortisol levels in the brain when a stressor is presented to an individual,,, Lots of research has been done specifically on exercise and anxiety and, like, aerobic exercise is best (running, walking, elliptical, etc.) whereas strength training and the like can actually increase anxiety momentarily. Meanwhile, in depression, any form of exercise helps.
I know y'all don’t like it when neurotypicals present exercise as a form of treatment but (especially w anxiety) it’s been clinically shown to work just as well as medications. Also, like, you can trust me,,,I study this ish and suffer from (diagnosed) anxiety and depression. I’ve been working out and exercising since January and I see an overt difference in my quality of life (ESPECIALLY where my anxiety is concerned).
If you don’t have time or the motivation, then fine, but all the posts I see on here about how exercise doesn’t help just aren’t,,,true. It does help. Even just walking for 20 minutes will help if you do it three-to-five days a week. (Eating well also helps. Couple exercise w smaller portions of foods and/or more veggies and fruits and you’ve got yourself a helpful anxiety and/or depression treatment!)
i feel like this needs to be said: you literally can’t ask or expect anyone to drop everything for you and operate under your terms at all times. you can’t expect people to always be there for you and always choose you in any given ultimatum. sacrifice cannot be expected or asked for, it has to be freely given. and just because someone loves you, that doesn’t mean everything they do will be done with you in mind. if you have a problem with that, then you are the problem.
the amount of people in the tags saying this is ignorant and condescending towards mentally ill people is honestly astounding. as a mentally ill person, i recognize being mentally ill is not an excuse to be abusive; and yes, that’s exactly what this is. it’s abusive to expect other people to dedicate their lives to you.
My perspective on the matter that if the moral and physical reality is that there is no such thing as such devotion it is almost better to reduce all connections with other individuals to only a minimal level.
That's a terrible way to think about other humans...
"If someone doesn't live solely for me then what good are they?"
That's treating people as objects. Because Op wasn't saying that you can't have devotion or someone can't have devotion to you, just that it needs to be willingly given... and not demanded...
Also humans aren't perfect angels, and sometimes they need to say no and it's not because they don't love you...
i feel like this needs to be said: you literally can’t ask or expect anyone to drop everything for you and operate under your terms at all times. you can’t expect people to always be there for you and always choose you in any given ultimatum. sacrifice cannot be expected or asked for, it has to be freely given. and just because someone loves you, that doesn’t mean everything they do will be done with you in mind. if you have a problem with that, then you are the problem.
the amount of people in the tags saying this is ignorant and condescending towards mentally ill people is honestly astounding. as a mentally ill person, i recognize being mentally ill is not an excuse to be abusive; and yes, that’s exactly what this is. it’s abusive to expect other people to dedicate their lives to you.
I’m sorry but if I’m able to give all the above with relative ease, so should the other person. If you’re a good person and you actually love someone, it all becomes second nature. Like I don’t even have to think twice, I just do it all. And neither does my mom or other people I’ve witnessed. It isn’t an issue when your heart is in the right place. Yeah of course their can be rare times when shit happens but those should be so rare you can count them on one hand if at all.
Lol, disabled people are bad people, good to know.
For a long time I found it so strange that others people didn't want to die. Like no matter what I'm doing or where I am, I want to die. I could be playing games, taking a walk, going on a date with my partner and just "I'd like to die pops in my head. But it's really passive. It's almost like the feeling you get when your not hungry but you are kind of peckish and you could go for some food but, eh. It's like yeah I could go for some death. Some people have told me that if I were to almost die I wouldn't think that way anymore. That are wrong I have almost died. The feeling of death is pretty comforting to me, I definitely don't fear it. I've seen on this site that people should stop saying things like "think about all the people you'd leave behind" or "think about how much you'd hurt your loved ones". The reasoning is that people should learn and want to live for them selves. And I think that's a good point. But to be perfectly honest as a person who is constantly slightly suicidal. The only thing that keeps me from ODing on drugs or alcohol, driving off the mountain I commute on, or jumping off the bridge an hour away, IS my relationships and social contracts. I have had years of counseling and meds and for me, I think this is as good as it gets. But really it's not a bad way to live.... at least right now
This is a really helpful page in my CBT textbook for tackling some of the maladaptive beliefs we often hold. The first column lists the rules and assumptions we often may tell ourselves, while the second column is a more functional belief. Just thought I would pass this along. Be kind to yourselves, friends❤
This is great and all, but the threat of unemployment and subsequent homelessness and starvation should we not adhere to the left column’s ethic makes it kind of useless in the current American economic situation.
Must be nice to be affluent white folk in other countries.
My apologies for the misunderstanding here. This resource is not meant in any way to invalidate the very real economic struggle that many people endure or to say that it’s okay not to work hard. The function of these reappraisals is for those struggling with mental illness who engage in maladaptive black and white thinking. This is but one example of the types of maladaptive beliefs that can essentially serve to maintain depression in some cases. Sometimes they may be achievement-based, but for others, it may have a different theme. In severe depressive states, these misappraisals can often render individuals unable to take action in their own lives, effectually increasing the likelihood that they will become victims of unemployment, homelessness, and starvation in all reality.
Went swimming to try and take off some of the pressure off my back. It helped a little. Raged out in the car tho.....
Physical disability
I've been mostly better. Some rage issuers, I ripped the alarm clock cord in half and Brock off my speaker jack in my computer... so that's fucked. All because I was feeling like crap. But over all I've been good mostly happy. But my back went out today. And I had to call out of work. The pain is so bad and I can barely walk. Tears are just involuntarily going down my face because of how much pain I'm in. But I feel really bad because I really like my job and I really like the people I work with. I feel bad leaving them hanging like that, I got my shift covered but I feel really bad. I want to go to work. But I physically can't. It makes me feel like human garbage. I just really want to do even the basic things in life and sometimes I just can't and it feels like shit. I know people base you're worth off of what you can do for them. Sometimes I just think what can I do for anybody? Fail them constantly? Suck at everything I do? I try so hard not to be completely and orderly useless, but no matter what I do I'm just always human garbage. I just makes me feel more and more that I wish I were dead. I'm completely useless to everyone and just a burden and I only ever make their lives worse. I just want to feel a sense of happiness and accomplishment in my life, and I want to help the people in my life. But I'm just a piece of shit.
Bad Day
trigger warning for unhealthy coping skills and suicidal thoughts