Of course, he knows she’s come a long way. It was what she needed— she needed him and honestly, he needed her. Their time together, while his intention was to help her find herself and figure herself out just as he had to when he had first joined the X Men, she helped him along the way too. Past wounds he thought he had dealt with, he realized he never quite resolved them. He buried them and buried any idea that he could fully trust people. But Laura— she unintentionally helped him. Reminded him he needed to come face to face with his problems in order to fully help her. And helping her has been all he has ever wanted. Because he saw himself in her and knew she needed help.
She just couldn’t ask for it.
“All that time wit’ you— I can’t forget. If not for the mess we made, well…” He trails off when the statement of Tyger was brought to mind, red eyes shifting to the side. That wasn’t something she needed to know. No one else needed to know, so he simply shrugged, “Eh– thing of the past. Nothin’ t’really… Think ‘bout. Tyger and I known each other for a long while.”
He would have given all of this a moments more contemplation if he next words hadn’t struck such a chord with him, his brows pulling together. It was true. There was always the thought of just… Not coming back one day. Sure– he was skilled and lucky enough to make it in his life this long– but he had almost died… Twice, at least. It was a risk taken with a life like theirs. He just didn’t have a healing factor. It was much easier for something to happen to him.
Remy lived continuously in a reckless manner, if he died, then he died. Hopefully he could go out heroically. But her statements really made his chest ache suddenly.
“Laura—” He starts, shifting to place a hand on her shoulder gently, a reassuring motion, “I can’t promise nothin’ bad won’t ever happen t’me– I ain’t immortal. But I can promise I ain’t gonna jus’ be gone wit’out a fight. I care ‘bout you, jus’ like anyone should. You ain’t a monster, you jus’ a girl. Someone who needs someone t’be there for ‘em. I needed that at one point, too. So if no one gonna see what a wonderful person you are, I will always be here for you— nothin’ gonna take me out for good for a long while.”
Of course, a deep speech had to always be ruined some way or another. He shifts, turning himself away only slightly— as if he was embarrassed for a moment. God— it had been that long, since slightly after she showed up here? If he didn’t feel bad enough about not bringing up his girlfriend before now…! He reaches up, rubbing the back of his neck– and just why hadn’t he told her about Miriam yet? Just the idea made his thoughts race. Everyone back home knew how complicated his relationship with Rogue was. He didn’t want everyone to just think this was going to end up the same as that mess. but he knew Laura better than that. She would never think badly of him, or that he would mess things up, chide at him and bother him about when he would ruin things. He was just… Nervous to tell her. It was so new.
“That– uh… S’been that long, huh?” A weak laugh, he turns his attention to the ground, slouching, “I been seein’ her for… A year? Somewhere longer. I jus’…” he gestures out with his hands, “I was gonna tell ya. Really. I was. Jus’ never seemed like th’right… Place t’say, I guess. I promise, I was gonna say somethin’, Laura! I jus’…” A shrug, “I was gonna have you meet her, but I guess that happened wit’out me.”
{ ✤ } » — To say that their time spent together had helped her was an understatement. When Gambit found her lost, alone and covered in blood that wasn’t enough of her own, she had no purpose and no reason to live. She was nothing more than what she was created to be, a soulless killing machine. If Paris had been anything to go by, Laura doesn’t even want to imagine what might have become of her had he not taken her under his wing when he did. Because though she might not have been able to voice her appreciation to him back then, and perhaps even now, it didn’t change the fact that she had always been grateful for everything.
For the longest time, it felt that he was the only one who believed she was capable of anything more than violence and bloodshed.
“I did not have many pleasant memories before that time. Even during that time, there were many...unpleasant happenings. But, I still would not want to forget them,” she says. Her eyes stare at the ground, arms wrapped around her torso to hug herself. “I had forgotten how it felt...to have someone care about what happened to you. I did not think it mattered to anyone if I was dead or alive. And I think...it is because of you that I am still here now.”
She’d had a great deal of time to reflect on things and herself during their journey together, and even during their time apart. Things that made her realize that merely because she was conditioned to be one thing didn’t mean that was all she could be, and that despite everything, she no longer resented her existence. Things that she never would have learned about herself had she been left to aimlessly wander down her twisted path alone. What’s more, she is appreciative of Gambit’s lack of tact with dodging a subject. Laura’s expression softens for the moment.
“You are still a terrible liar.”
His hand on her shoulder draws her attention back to him, and though it’s clear his intentions are good and his sentiments are sincere, there is a very major detail that he’s missing. And how could he not, when she had never taken the time to explain for a plethora of reasons. She but shakes her head before taking a breath.
“That is not quite what I mean,” Laura begins. “When I was raised in the Facility, nobody was allowed to show me kindness. To them, I was not human and I was not to be treated as such. X-23 was a weapon. My martial arts trainer, my sensei, he was the first to make that mistake. He was stern with me, but never cruel. I remember he would call me child during our lessons and tell me when he was proud of what I had accomplished. He knew it was not allowed.” She takes a brief pause, know he was already familiar with the part that followed. “...That was the first time they had tested the trigger scent. To make an example out of what would happen to anyone who showed me a trace of humanity. Even my mother was not safe from it.”
Her mother, the late Sarah Kinney, though the biggest loss, and the clearest beginning of her downward spiral, remained the part she had the most difficulty talking about. It was too hard, knowing how close they were and how different things might have been.
“I have already seen too many people die because of me, because they cared about me and did not think of me as a weapon. So when you disappeared like that...” She was worried. Afraid, perhaps. “I do not want you to become one of them, Gambit. I do not want to lose you, too.”
When was the last time she had spoken this much? It’s anybody’s guess. But she can’t help to note that emotions are rather exhausting, times were that much simpler when she had greater difficulty understanding why she felt the way that she did. And it’s on that note that she’ll accept the attention shifting of her as the other takes his place on the hot seat. One that’s long overdue, no less. Her position shifts, hand resting against the seat of the bench on either side of her.
“Yes, it has been that long.” He’s nervous, that much is painstakingly obvious. Why...she can’t say. There’d never been issue with introducing her to others before. Laura raises an eyebrow. “Would the right place not have been her residence when you brought me there the first night?” If the question comes off harsh, it’s entirely unintentional. “But what I do not understand is why did this woman know who I was when I had never heard of her? I am not angry with you, I just...do not know what to think.”
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