♦ ∫ BRAINS over BRAWN.

citta-affilated. housed in: b-6 status: citizen rp blog for diath woodrow from wizard of the coast's dice, camera, action!. will interact with indies, but citta members and mutuals come first. penned by madelyn. est. 8.19.2017.

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♦ ∫ LADY.

@uncannilydodged

❝ Excuse me… ❞

  Magisa had been wandering the city streets, her goal today to find locations of interests in order to get a more solid layout of how this place works. She approaches the stranger after realizing that walking around without directions would give her little pleasure.  

❝ But do you know where I might find a store for elixirs? ❞ 

♦ ∫  Diath turned upon hearing someone speak close-by, brows furrowing slightly.  “A store for elixirs...  Well, I’m not sure they have many here.  They’re not exactly popular in this world,” he said after a moment of thinking, but he reasons he should at least give his memory a try.

HISTORY CHECK - 12 (10 + 2)

     Oh!  There’s a magic shop somewhere in this city, but the name escapes him for a moment.  “I think there’s a place called The Witching Hour.  It seems to specialize in many branches of magical items and spells––you might want to check there.  If I grab a map, I can lead you there.”

[menpale]

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♦ ∫ HUGE ASS TROLL WHO’S PROBABLY GONNA KILL ME.

–「 You’re already aware that this joke is not a lived experience of the lightwalker’s, but of another. It cheapens it a bit for you, but you’re willing to extend a bit of mercy for this shivering wreck. You have no issue with the weak, and in your experience most jokers are, save for your favorite Splatriloquist ( Splatter Ventriloquist ). Really, being a trained assassin is just a necessary part of the act.」

「 This human is no such caliber. You find your patience wearing thinner as he cruises through his second hand routine, as you have to glaze over the terms you don’t know to find the humor. But you understand that isn’t his fault; yet another a byproduct of smashing worlds together. 

The saving grace of this act is the fact you do enjoy the enthusiasm behind the joke, and the ending is enough to get a genuine chuckle from you.」

“It wasn’t all that great, my TINY, CHATTERING JESTER. But it was enough to make me want to tear you apart less. So, you can consider this your ticket to walk away in one piece, or you can try your luck if you so motherfucking desire. Either is fine with me.”  

–「 What kind of fool are you dealing with? You wonder. 」

“If you care to share a tale of your own, I’d wager it would tell better. Stories are MOTHERFUCKING PERSONAL, after all.”

♦ ∫  “To be perfectly honest, my––towering, menacing critic––” he tried, OK? “––death doesn’t scare me anymore.  I’ve died at least twice now, almost three times.  I could tell you stories about that, but those aren’t very funny, unless you hate me that much.  What is funny, though, was the time when I made a deal with a dark and evil spirit only to find out that my party came across a cleric who could revive the dead teammate I sought to try and help with that pact.  And so it was all for nothing.  And I turned into a cannibalistic zombie.  I had to drink the dust of a dead saint mixed with wine to remove myself of that curse.  The bard of my party had to seduce a very horny vampire spawn in order to escape the clutches of the vampiric despot, Strahd von Zarovich.  And I’m probably going to go now because my life is just a series of one tragedy after the other and the gods having a healthy dose of schadenfreude and that’s not very funny, and while death doesn’t scare me, I’d rather not die, thanks.  It’s been good talking to you.”

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♦ ∫  GIANT TROLL.

–「 You don’t suppress a roll of your lookstubs, because you have no reason to want to spare any feelings. At the very least, this light dweller isn’t a loud-mouthed, disrespectful bore. You’ve had enough of that to last you a goddamn lifetime and then one. And the idea of a joke worth hearing does fill your cage with a flutter, however slight. Your life has been very humorless as of late, and even in your attempts to ‘expand your horizons’, you haven’t found much of merit. And stories––」

「 Very well. You regard him with a stare, not bothering to sit up. If you’ve gotten yourself a jester, you don’t need any fucking pretense. He knows where his place is.」

“If there are more of my kind, then bring them to me. I reside here, and have also carved a space for myself in Epsilon,” –「 You state. Little did you know, the wriggler in question is none other than The Sufferer’s descendant. You will learn in due time how that slipped past your radar. 」

“If you are my entertainer, then come forward. You have one chance to tell a story I would find interesting. If you can’t tell a simple story, your jokes will likely be pathetic and I despise nothing more than a joke THAT CAN PRODUCE NO LAUGHTER. Should you succeed, however, perhaps I’ll reward you. I’ve been told I TIP WELL.”

♦ ∫  “I’ll be sure to tell Karkat about you––if he wants to talk to me.  I think I might have said something wrong to him on accident,” Diath sighs and rubs the back of his neck.  “But the story!  Yes.  Just... let me try and remember all of it.” He wracks his brain for a moment.

INTELLIGENCE CHECK - 16 (14 + 2)

       It takes a moment, but Diath can piece together most of it, and he’s sure the rest will come as it goes.  He clears his throat and gives his best John Mulaney impression.

PERFORMANCE CHECK - 17 (16 + 1)

       “Another story I heard about myself, this one happened in high school.  We had this teacher whose kid went to our high school, his name was Mr. MacNamara and his son Jake MacNamara was a sophomore when I was a senior, so he was two years behind me.  And Mr. MacNamara was an asshole.  And one weekend, he and his wife decided to leave town, which you should never do if you’re an asshole.  And Jake MacNamara decided to throw a party at the teacher’s house!  Hooray~!  And everyone around town heard about it, and we all got up individually and thought: ‘OK!  Let’s go over there and destroy the place.’”

       He continues, performing the entire five and a half minute recalling, and manages to stifle his own laughter while doing it and letting this troll laugh where he found things funny.  Coming up on the end, he let the last punchline drop.  “And I said ‘WHY?!  Why do you do this?!’.  And Alex said, ‘Because it’s the one thing you can’t replace.’”  He looks up at the troll for approval––this is one of the funniest stories he knows.

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♦ ∫ GOODNESS, I’M SORRY...!

“SO BASICALLY, WHAT YOU’RE SAYING, IS I LOOK LIKE A TINY DEMON PERSON TO YOU. I’M NOT SURE IF YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO BE SLY ABOUT KNOCKING DOWN MY SELF CONFIDENCE OR WHAT, BUT YOU HAVE SOME FUCKING NERVE SHOWING UP IN MY GENERAL VICINITY AND COMPARING ME TO A GOAT PERSON.” 

“I CREATED UNIVERSES YOU KNOW. I’M PROBABLY THE GOD OF YOURS! SINCE YOU’RE A HUMAN WITH A SMART MOUTH. THOSE TEND TO BE A SIGN OF THE ONES I MADE.” 

♦ ∫  “N-No!” Oh, gods above and below, Diath Woodrow; what have you done now?  “No, Tieflings aren’t demon people.  They’re human, they just don’t look it.  Many of them perform great deeds that help hundreds, if not thousands.  This’ll sound fake and pretentious, but it’s true; one of my party members is a Tiefling, and she’s a very powerful sorcerer and has played a crucial part in taking down a vampire back in my home realm.  I’m really not trying to be cruel––I just didn’t think before I spoke and didn’t realize I insinuated something horrible.  I truly am sorry, and I respect you a great deal.  You must be a wise young troll.” Regret sat plain as day in his pale green eyes, eyes that did not meet Karkat’s.

PERSUASION CHECK - 24 (19 + 5)

[stupidinboxstuff]

Send me ‘Try’ and a character and I will write how I would play that character

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♦ ∫  OH, STRIX...

           “You’re    like    a    ghost    now,    and    I    don’t    mean    because     you    were    ACTUALLY    a    ghost.    Like,   if    a    GHOST    was   a    people.”

              @uncannilydodged    //     sc.

♦ ∫  diath pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.  “thanks, strix.  i really appreciate that.  i’m glad i look fantastic in this absolute hellscape,” he says flatly.

[cutieapplepie]

“I’m sorry Diath I’ve just ruined your life haven’t I…”

[iamnotsebastianstan-archive-dea]

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♦ ∫ HOOOOOLY SHIT THAT’S A BIG TROLL.

@uncannilydodged ○ You’ve actually taken the time to find places for yourself now, outside of the underground since the amount of traffic that pedals through there is enough to be annoying to you, a motherfucker trying to get some shut eye. It’s not that you CAN’T smash every little ant that passes by your nesting grounds, and it’s not that you don’t have fun playing with them as they move on by. It’s that sometimes, you simply don’t want to fucking bother with mortals and all of their bullshit. 

YES. YOU’RE BIG. Any motherfucker with lookstubs to gander with can tell that much. That doesn’t mean you feel like being treated like some particularly fanciful zoo beast. And unfortunately, it looks like even your sunny napping spot in one of the grassier outer edges of the city has its own traffic too. You hear the footsteps long before he decides to approach you, and you note the patterns of his breathing, trying to determine what kind of tiny shithead you’re dealing with today. You roll your lookstubs. 

Well, you’ve rested for a good hour. May as well ‘expand’ your fucking horizons.

𝕲𝕳𝕭: Make it good, light-walker, for my PATIENCE FOR IDLE CHIT CHAT is wearing thin. 𝕲𝕳𝕭: Before we start this conversation, tell me. WHAT BENEFIT DO I HAVE IN CONVERSING WITH YOU. What do you have to offer me for my time?

○  You roll onto your side to face him, and look him over. 

𝕲𝕳𝕭: WELL?

♦ ∫ Diath jumps a bit, heart skipping nearly four beats as the booming voice reaches his ears, dripping with threats that will most definitely be acted upon if spoken.  “I meant you no trouble and didn’t want to start a conversation,” he says quietly.  “Forgive me for staring.  I was just admiring your horns; if you’re a troll, then I’ve met a younger one who talked about trolls like you, ones that stood stories tall with long, graceful horns.  His name was Karkat, I believe.” He tries his best to keep his voice affable and not to let it shake.

     “Should you like to continue this conversation, I can tell you about creatures from my world, experiences I’ve had with my adventuring party... o-or I might be able to repeat a video of a comedian I like watching.” John Mulaney is the shit and Diath knows it.

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♦ ∫ MAN.

The other man’s defensive stance elicits a mere raised brow. Hanzo would color that suspicious, but he supposed that he too would be a bit offended if someone approached him like he had done. The archer sighs through his nose, a silent movement, peering at the other.

“Pardon me if I offended you. Perhaps I was merely imagining things.” Watching people, however … “Are you with the security group?”

♦ ∫  “No, I didn’t sign up for that; I’m just awkward and kinda bad at parties,” Diath gives a bitter chuckle.  “I don’t know why I was invited, but if it means I might become more acquainted with possible allies, then I’ll do so.  The tyrants of this city hold no punches.”

      His neck hurts from both the collar and the phantom pain of the pair of nooses from months before.  He rubs it where he can, willing his stomach to stop flip-flopping at the memories.  “Look, I’m sorry if I seemed suspicious to you; I promise, I have no ill intentions.  You were doing your job and I hold no grudge.  Were our positions switched, I probably would have done the same exact thing.” 

      He decides to try and amend things, holding out a gloved hand to shake.  “My name is Diath Woodrow, and I hail from Waterdeep in Faerûn.” He is almost positive this man will have no idea where that is, but it’s a formal introduction for a formal man at a formal event.

[askthepandoranhero]

My pain is irrelevant. Your safety is more important.

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♦ ∫ GIRL.

@uncannilydodged liked for a starter!

“…how long has it been since I arrived?” The young girl looked up, watching as a rather fluffy cloud slowly passed overhead. She knew it had been a few months since she arrived, but to Hotaru it felt like much longer. Sh had also seen a few of her fellow senshi come and go, and while she had a new family and even a brother figure to look up to, Hotaru found herself feeling lonely.

“…will Chibiusa come here one day?” She asked aloud, her gaze not once moving from the sky above. Hotaru missed her friend dearly and wanted someone her age to be around.

♦ ∫  “I have no idea how long it’s been for you, but it’s been a month and a half for me and I’ve hated every second,” Diath sighed, glancing towards the young girl beside him for a moment before trying to see what she saw.  Seemed she was cloud-gazing.  “And I would say that if you truly care about whoever Chibiusa is, you wouldn’t want her here in this secret tenth hell that they didn’t teach you about.”

[gaapu-a]

          AESTHETIC MEME — @uncannilydodged                     ( diath woodrow )

[splattermemes-deactivated202007]

rivals to lovers starters

as requested. feel free to change pronouns or anything else !

“I’m going to kis–kick your ass!”

“You can’t sleep with him/her/them! You’ll get your heart broken–and then I’ll automatically win, and that’s no fun.”

“I’m considering letting you win…”

“If you lose, you have to do anything I want.”

“Stop squirming! You can’t beat me if you have a cut like that.”

“I’d do anything to……win.”

“How did you trip over thin air, dumbass?! Be quiet, I’ll carry you somewhere.”

“I challenge you to a duel! With my tongue/mouth.”

“I bet I can kiss better than you can!”

“Wow, you’re really dumb…PFFT…bet you won’t take off your shirt…chicken.”

“I can’t believe I have to share a room with you before our competition.”

“Try to beat MY handholding skills.”

“Contest: whoever comes up with the most ways to say ‘I love you’ wins.”

“Ha! You’re definitely the fastest.”

“Scared, ___?”

“I was joking…why would you actually try to jump over that fence?”

“Don’t do anything stupid!”

“FINE. If you win, I’ll go out/sleep/make out with you.”

“You have about as much of a chance at winning as you do of getting a kiss from me.”

“I don’t want to lose to anyone else but you!”

“STRIPPING CONTEST.”

“If you get it right, I’ll let you take a break.”

“Are you too scared to skinny dip?!”

“Think you can handle my thoughtful love notes?! You’re in for a shocker.”

“I’ve always spent so much time practicing/studying/exercising/etc. that I’ve never had a real boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other before.”

“For a newbie, you’re kinda cute.”

“Hey, stop with the puppy eyes! I won fair and square.”

“No, YOU’RE the cutest.”

“Time for a staring contest! I’m totally the king/queen/ruler of them.”

“Can we end practice? It’s really hot in here.”

“Oh you wanna trash talk huh? Well-uh–your lips–a-are really soft-looking–”

“If I win, you get to be my prize.”

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♦ ∫  SOME ASSHAT.

          @uncannilydodged​

Hanzo has noticed that he is not the only one at this party with a sharp gaze.

He could swear that he has made at least fleeting eye contact with this man four times so far tonight. It is starting to unnerve him. Was it purely coincidence at that point? He could not be sure, but Hanzo had a job tonight. And if there was anything Hanzo could be expected to do with a job, it would be to honor his contract.

“I trust that there are no issues here, sir,” he tested, voice just a mite audible over the noise of the ball surrounding the two men.

♦ ∫  Did Diath just give off a vibe of some kind or something!?  He suppressed an annoyed huff and looked to his left at the man approaching him.  “Yeah, I’m fine.  I’m just watching everyone.  What did you think I was doing?” he half-challenged, arms folded and a self-assured look in his eye.

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♦ ∫  SECURITY GUARD.

Hm. The man seemed to go beyond cautious and fall into the entirely paranoid category. A tense turn, a hand twitching to the belt…for a weapon, perhaps? Thrawn lightly cocked an eyebrow. Folding his arms behind his back in a businesslike manner, he turned away from the human, looking out over the ballroom floor.

   “…It is a loud night. I happen to be working for the security detachment of this night’s festivities…it is my job to look out for the citizenry who have entrusted themselves to those who run this ball.” His voice took on an entirely cold tone, but the way he spoke offered a polite earnestness; Thrawn was clearly very dedicated to his role. His eyes once more turned on the man beside him. “…You seem uncomfortable. You’ve the eyes of one who has seen conflict…someone who does not trust the world around him.”

   “Would it help if I told you that tonight’s celebration was not prepared by those ‘scientists’? It is run entirely by citizens, such as you and I. Indeed…if it were run by those who brought us here, there would be no need for people like us to work security detail.”

♦ ∫  “It’s not that I don’t trust the world around me, it’s that I’ve seen a bit too much to let my guard down ever again,” Diath said after a moment, deciding that it was best to be honest; he’d gotten on a security guard’s radar and he wanted to be off it just in case something went south; he might be blamed.  “It does help to know that they’re not laughing at our suffering and giving a moment of reprieve only to take it away.  This does seem like a genuinely light-hearted sort of party.”

      He looked out at the sea of people, watched them laugh, dance, eat, drink––have fun.  He sighed heavily, wishing he didn’t feel so out-of-place.  He adjusted the cuffs of his sleeves, glancing over to the catering table.  “Do you want to go get something to eat together?  I could use a warm meal.”