Lost Soul

Jude Freling - vampire - 49 - Deathrunners Advisor

[undead-jude]

{ THE ESSENTIALS }

Name: Jude Freling Age: 49 Species: Vampire Powers: Typical vampiric abilities thought he is still 'young' Deity: God of Life Gender, Pronouns, Sexual & Romantic identities: Cis-male. He/him. Homosexual. Homoromantic Residence / Years:   / 49 years Affiliation / Years:  The Deathrunners / 2 ish years Job / Workplace: Former Priest/ Advisor to The Deathrunners Boss Relationship status: Complicated Positive traits: Empathetic, Patient, Compassionate, Trustworthy Negative traits: Damned, Conflicted, Bloodthirsty, Self-critical

{ BACKGROUND }

tw natural disasters

Jude Freling was born and grew up in a Catholic home in Baton Rouge. Living with his parents, and older brother, and sister.  He’d always felt called to the church and after graduating from college was just starting seminary when the Towers fell. Jude was young and caught up in the wash of patriotism in the aftermath and enlisted. He was accepted into the Navy Chaplin program and was shipped the the Middle East. In 2005 he was devastated to see the destruction that Hurricane Katrina caused to his home state. He served the rest of his tour and headed home. Jude returned the US and went back to seminary school where he took his holy vows and became a Catholic Priest. Jude focused on New Orleans and mission assignments in the area. He was given a small church to take over as the head Priest in 2018. With door open to both human and supernatural alike.

It was smaller church in a rough area. And Jude strived very hard to keep it a safe and secure place for anyone seeking help. No matter who they are or what they have done. Which is how he met a young man named Mathias. They grew close over the time that Mathias came into the church to talk to Jude. And he was deeply moved by the younger man.

A year and a half ago Mathias kidnapped Jude and had him forcibly turned into a vampire. The transformation completely destroyed the plan he had for his life. He rejected Mathias' offer of help and left the Church, no longer feeling worthy of his vocation. For a year Jude lived on the streets of New Orleans doing what he could to help others and feeding on those that would cause harm.

Not long ago Mathias came to find him after a year absence and asked him to serve as his Advisor. Jude reluctantly agreed.

{ PERSONALITY }

Jude is a calm and patient presence most of the time. Still very much apart of his human faith even if he is no longer a part of the church. Because he is still a newer vampire he struggles with the call of heartbeats and fresh blood but does what he can not to turn into a ravening beast. Jude has spent most of his life in service to others and becoming a vampire has not changed that need inside of him to try and help if he can. He is kind, even-tempered and dislikes violence. Jude is not easily intimidated, and he has never liked bullies. He has a lot of mixed feelings about the Deathrunners but feels that his position as Advisor is an important place to have someone speak temperance and preach calm to avoid unnecessary harm to innocents.

{ FAMILY TREE }

Parents: Donna Freling and Robert Freling (deceased)

Siblings: 1 brother and 1 sister both older

{ HEADCANONS }

His vibes are: Grace under fire, the reticent damned, how did I get here, doomed by the narrative.

After being turned Jude rebelled against Mathias and the Deathrunners. Living on the streets and using his vampire abilities to stop petty crimes and feed on those that would hurt others.

Jude cares very deeply about Mathias but is deeply hurt at what the younger man had done to him. He finally returned to the Deathrunners and has made his mark as Mathias advisor. Something that some of the Deathrunners are not too happy with.

Has the tattoo of a cross on his upper right arm, a large portrait of St. Michael the Archangel on the front his left thigh, praying hands on his upper left arm. He is slowly adding more religious themed tattoos as reminders of his faith.

{ WANTED CONNECTIONS }

Previous parishioners: Jude was a Catholic priest for twelve years and he has met a lot of parishioners over that time. How do you feel about what Father Jude has become?

[sanguisxferox]

Even without being connected to the necromancer, Knox would've known he hadn't done anything. Mathias could be cruel yes, but using the bodies he'd just managed to gather? Never in a million years. The only culprit can be the Nameless or someone else stirring shit. He doesn't know what's worse between the two. All he knows is that this is extremely bad for them and that the confrontation with Suresh had caused something—really bad. And now Mathias is in excruciating pain and fuck that rot.

He's trying to stay calm, but he's scared and in pain too. But Mathias is all that matters now.

Through their bond he reassures Mathias and hopes to being in direct contact with the alligator will somehow help. He moves them to the bathroom and stays a gator until Mathias needs to be moved, then he shifts back and he looks like he feels worried.

"We know know you didn't do anything, but I agree with Jude, we need to get you out of these, clean the rot and bandage it. Then you rest." The way he speaks, it's not optional. He doesn't care that Mathias is soon to be a god or his leader or master—the guy needs to rest. After that, they can talk and makes plans. "Can you hold him, I'll cut the clothes with my claws? It'll be less painful than moving him around." Knox' voice is surprisingly gentle, almost fatherly or brotherly, which he knows either are wrong, but it can't be helped right now.

[ascnsionismx]

He stared at the both of them, itching to scream or to yell or to cry more. Everyone knew. There was no doubt in any mind that he was innocent of this, and yet the blame was so easily tossed his way. Mathias never once asked for pity, nor did he expect it. It became so ever apparent early on in his life that the rest of the world would cast him aside out of either disgust or fear. Or both.

He could feel that familiar anger fill him. The one that made him so ever tempted to just abandon the humanity that laid within him. Were the beings on this earth really worth the kindness he tried so hard to show. All the effort he gave them. He was just trying his best. And here they were, spitting in his face. But giving that up meant giving up the two men in front of him. Mathias wasn't sure if he could do that, and he wasn't sure if they'd still remain at his side if he did that.

He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize they made it to the bathroom. The pain was throbbing now, and he knew cleaning the wounds wouldn't be pleasant. He looked to Knox, now a human and frowned. Knox was perhaps the only person, other than Seb, to have seen Mathias without the wound. The unblemished skin that once was. "Knox...wh-what if this is what kills me. What if all this is how I'm gonna die? In pain, from whatever is inside me" his voice was a quiet whisper.

His death had always been talked about, as it was the final step towards godhood. The Higher Ups never told him when it would happen, nor how it would happen. After a while Mathias realized no one really knew. He always imagined it would be some big spectacle, like a sacrifice of old. How funny it would be if it was an accident. But how horrible it would be if he died from rotting. The necromancer looked down at his body again, and cried more. This body was his and yet it was foreign at the same time. "I think if I use my magic that much again, I will not come back. I need b-both of you to promise me you'll stop that from happening okay? Whatever you have to do. Even if you have to take me out yourself. I'd rather be put down by you than by this".

@undead-jude

[undead-jude]

Jude looked at Knox and nodded quietly. He could hold Mathias while Knox cut the fabric away. So they could see the extent of the rot and the damage. Jude reached for Mathias as the younger man spoke, he carefully craddeled Mathias so Knox could cut the clothing up the back and they could easily peel it off. He listened to Mathias talking about dying. Slowly decomposing while still alive. How could this be something Mathias' god or power or people needed? What kind of ritual sacrifice was this? And Jude found himself silently praying again. A prayer for protection. A prayer for divine intervention. He spoke again his his namesake. Hope of the hopeless... pray for us.

"Hey Mathias..." Jude spoke gently but firmly as the younger man looked down and began to cry harder. "Look at me. Don't look at yourself. Just look at me okay?" But at the request for a promise that was impossible for Jude caused him to pause for a moment. Jude looked at Mathias and said, "You are not a dog. No one needs to talk about putting anyone down. But I will promise you that I will not let you slip into the dark alone. Body or soul." Jude would not promise to hurt or kill Mathias. Because it would have been a lie. And he was not going to lie about that. Not even now. He looked up at Knox, "Bandages?"

@sanguisxferox

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias just smiled at that. Those were the words he told himself in order to bring comfort during hard nights. When things felt hopeless and when he could only question and beg the fates to give him a better life. Why have they forsaken him? What did he do to deserve this? But perhaps it was all for the better. Maybe this was meant to be, and that all of this needed to happen so he could be right here in the moment with Jude. Yes, that must be it. It had to be worth it.

Dancing together was so dangerous and wonderful. Jude held no body heat, and Mathias' own was fleeting as well. Still, it was the warmest he had ever felt in a long time. It felt like a preview into a life that was just beyond his grasp. The lights above them felt so soft and the music was a cushion that kept their words private and only for their ears. He wanted the gang to be a family for everyone as much as it was for him. He never wanted any of them to feel forced to believe in Mathias as a god, in fact he didn't want them to if they didn't want to. All he asked was to support his cause, everything else was entirely up to them.

It was difficult when they were this close. Mathias was still learning that he couldn't be publicly affectionate with Jude. This setting wasn't appropriate. It wasn't the same as their hushed words shared under linen sheets in the early hours of the morning. Nor was it like the nights spent in the kitchen, leaned up against the counter, or on the couch with their legs tangled together. Not the same at all. "I don't think you're dragging me" He said quietly.

Mathias was thankful that Jude was strong enough to pull away, because he was not. It took him a few seconds to compose himself and put on a brave face, but his eyes were still full of a sad want. "Yeah...We're being awfully mean to ourselves, huh?". He brought his hand to his mouth, his fingers caressing his lips like a soft kiss on his own hand. With that same hand he reached for Jude's arm and gave it a soft squeeze. It was the best thing he could do since he couldn't kiss the vampire.

"Come on, let's go find a place to sit away from the crowds".

[undead-jude]

Jude tried not to do things that caused Mathias more pain. Even if some of it was unavoidable. But these days... he did try. It would be different if they were different people. If they had different destinies. But that sadly wasn't the case. In another world they could dance here and it would only matter to them. But that was not the world they lived in. The sound and swell of the music gave a small buffer. But it didn't really hide anything. Jude didn't know what Mathias was thinking about. Didn't know that he was thinking about the gang. About the family Mathias had tried to build for himself. His birthright and his curse.

The vampire knew he had to have a good head on his shoulders about what they were doing. Not for any lingering sense of shame on his own behalf. But for Mathias' own good and powerbase. Public displays of romantic attachment would do Mathias no good. They could have their moments in private. Something just for them.

At Mathias's words Jude had a flash of an image of lifting Mathias. Something he found very easy with his vampiric strength. That he could hold and swing him around the dance floor with no struggle at all. Press his lips to Mathias throat and breathe deeply. He felt a tremor run up his spine at the thought.

He smiled sadly and nodded, "We are. But I'm Catholic. So I have an unfair advantage. Decades of practice at denying myself the things I want." Dark eyes watched Mathias' fingers. As if he could imagine what it was like to be them. Knowing what those fingers felt when they touched lips. Jude watched Mathias' hand reach out and touch his shoulder. He just nodded his head. "Probably a good idea..."

[undead-jude]

[undead-jude]

Jude felt the words settle over him as Mathias spoke. The hush of the bayou, the tilt of the sun, even the graves themselves seemed to pause, listening. He closed his eyes for what once was a heartbeat, letting the weight of Mathias’ confession… his love, his trust, his final choice—wash over him. Impossible grace. When he opened them again, his gaze softened, tracing the warmth in Mathias’ eyes, the steady courage that belied the fragility of youth. Jude knew that words weren't Mathias' preferred form of communication. Mathias was action oriented. He was testament to that. But sometimes, when they were alone, and he could get Mathias' talking, the younger man was much better with words than he let on.

“Mathias,” he said softly, his voice reverent, almost a whisper. This was where it became difficult. Because he didn't believe that Mathais was going to be a god. Not truly. A divine being maybe. But a god? Jude didn't know, wasn't sure. He bent slightly, letting the late sun gild the edge of his features, giving him an almost saintly halo against the darkening horizon. “Life is a beautiful thing. But it is beautiful because it ends. And you need to let people have the choice… To stay or to go. Even if you don't like the answer.” He hesitated, letting the weight of his words sit between them. “I am… unworthy, in many ways, of the life He’s given me, and the extension of it that you made happen. But I carry it, carefully and faithfully. Because that is my path."

A faint tremor ran through Jude’s hands, and he kept them folded behind his back, restraining the subtle hunger, the vampire’s instinct to claim and protect, to bind life to him. Instead, he let it settle into quiet devotion, guiding his caution and care. He could sense the pulse of Mathias’ own vitality, and it made him ache. A fragile light in a world that demanded so much, yet here he was offering it willingly. Jude wondered if this fleeting time that Mathias spoke of was the reason why he was still here. To help Mathias know love before whatever end was coming for him. Whatever change. He took a measured step closer, careful not to close the last sliver of space between them too quickly. This was where Jude struggled. In the movement. In the action. In the distance closed. Years of habit and denial. In the fading twilight around them.

When Mathias said he loved him. Jude believed him. And that was the terrible part of it. Jude had never meant to be Mathias's final choice. Had never sought to be. But here they were. And wasn't it worth something to give Mathias a touch of joy in a brutal life? Since Jude knew that he loved Mathias too. He wouldn't be here if he didn't after all. Jude finally moved and placed and hand on Mathias' shoulder, squeezing it gently. "You can thank Him. If you want. He listens." He took the hand from Mathias' shoulder and extended it to Mathias, "Let's go inside and set up for the night."

[ascnsionismx]

"They'll have the choice, Jude...I know I'm hypocritical to say that now...but I'll give them the choice". He didn't give Jude that choice though, and that was a guilt Mathias had to live with. But Mathias had so much taken from him, and he didn't want this man in front of him to be one of them. Whether it was an act of fate, or his own godly hand, Jude was here now. An angel in every sense of the word.

He would never know the hunger that Jude felt for him. He would never understand the instinct he implanted into him just from locking him in that glass coffin two years ago. Mathias was ready to give everything to Jude too. His life had never been his in the first place, so offering it to someone who could treat him so much better was easy. Even if it took forever, Mathias would still wait. Jude was worth the wait.

Love was a scary thing. It was a dangerous thing. It had led Mathias to heartbreak before, and it also led him to hurting people. He had been warned against it, lectured that someone like him should never love like this. Yet he was so full of it. It leaked out of him and seeped between every joint and muscle fiber. He loved to love, and wanted to love. He wanted to be loved. It was the most human thing about him.

Jude's hand on his shoulder was comforting, and Mathias just smiled, "I can try, but to be honest I haven't tried the whole praying thing. I'm afraid I might choke on my tongue or something". His eyes flickered down to Jude's hand before placing his own in it. "Alright. I hope the bed is comfy for you" he said as they walked back inside. Before stepping in, he looked over his shoulder at the graves on last time and gave them a silent goodbye.

"There's a bathroom connected to it, and it's down the hall from where I'll be, so you don't gotta worry about being noisy or anything like that. There's extra blankets too, if you get cold". Despite his confessions, Mathias would never assume he could take a spot in Jude's space. He was content with being separated if that brought the vampire comfort.

[undead-jude]

Jude said nothing about Mathias calling himself hypocritical. Jude didn't need to say anything about it. If being a reminder was part of who he had to be for Mathias then so be it. Because given the choice he would have turned the option down. So he just nodded. He could bare his fate if it meant that others got a choice he hadn't been offered.

The hunger was ever present in his body. A low hum that he could ignore if he tried. But Mathias being close by made it harder. Only drinking from Mathias probably made it worse. But he found a strange sort of comfort in only drinking Mathias' blood. Mathias hadn't been his literal maker but he was also the closest thing Jude had to a sire now. His reason for being here. Both good and bad. Messy and careful. Love was never the enemy. Love was how salvation worked. Love was the only real path to life. It was just a question of where that love came from. What was at the heart of it? Even when painful Jude had never regretted loving. He thought about a sermon he'd read a long time ago. About how it was not the measure of faith, but the sincerity of faith that mattered in the end. It must be the same with love. The most human and most divine thing. Jude smiled and shook his head, "Don't pray then. Just talk. There is usually someone listening."

-----

Jude had been laying on the bed looking at the ceiling. Not sleeping. Not being even close to sleep. The sounds of the bayou a soft backdrop of noise in the dark. He could hear Mathias' heartbeat in the cabin. His mind kept replaying the whole day. The words. Those long moments. Chances left untaken. He got out of bed. Salt and pepper curls flopping over his face as he found himself standing in front of Mathias door in his boxers and a t-shirt. He could turn around and go back to his room. And it would be fine. Neither of them would need to mention it. But he saw his hand come up and softly knock on Mathias' door.

[ascnsionismx]

@undead-jude

It was late, and the moon in the sky was barely a crescent. The stars were twinkling and the crickets and fireflies were out. Mathias sat on the dock outside the church, wrapped in a blanket, staring up at the sky. He had snuck out of the bed he shared in secret with Jude. When he left he made sure the vampire was asleep. How peaceful he looked, how warm the bed was. Mathias couldn't rest though, he hadn't been able to rest since the Jazz Festival.

Sleep never came naturally to him anyways. Whether it was when he was young, and the nightmares of his family's deaths kept him up, or when he was a teenager, and the desperation to be free made his mind active, or even now, when the pain of his soon to be godhood and death robbed him of the only moment of rest he could have.

The air was cool on his skin as he stared up at the stars, mapping out the constellations he knew and watching as satellites passed far above.

[undead-jude]

Jude didn't sleep much. Especially not at night. But it had become a habit. To lay down with Mathias. To hold him. To make sure he got some rest. And somewhere on this night Jude had nodded off. It was the only time when he felt safe to touch Mathias the way he knew Mathias wanted him to touch. A soft, silent space that they could share with each other. Locking out the rest of the world. Jude woke up with a start, immediately knowing that he was alone in the bed and in the room. He hurriedly got out of bed and tossed on his black jeans and a white tank undershirt, grabbing a dark collared shirt but leaving it unbuttoned. He didn't bother with shoes.

Jude walked quietly following something unknowable outside. Pulling him towards Mathias. Even if he didn't know how he could know such a thing. Jude found him looking at the sky. Coming to a stop next to Mathias Jude looked up silently for a moment before finally looking down. "Still can't sleep?"

[undead-jude]

Where: The Ardent Ash Tea and Coffee

Who: @theunblazexash

The Ardent Ash still smelled the same, like roasted chicory, honeyed smoke, and the faintest trace of sage that lingered in the corners long after closing. It reminded Jude of the way mornings used to feel.

He lingered by the door for a moment, letting his eyes adjust to the dim light before stepping inside. It was quieter than he remembered. The chatter of regulars, the low hum of the espresso machine, all muffled by the slow, steady rhythm of rain outside. It had been a long time since Jude had last seen Grayson. Back when he was still Father Freling... still human.

“Place looks good,” Jude said finally, his voice low but warm as he approached the counter. “Not that I had any doubts that it would.” He smiled faintly, almost sheepish. They'd done community outreach together before. “How are you Gray?" The tone was light, but there was something sincere under it an old, fragile thread of familiarity he wasn’t sure still existed.

[undead-jude]

where: Cafe du Monde

Who: @emberroze

The scent of sugar and fried dough hit him before he even reached the awning. Beignets. The smell used to mean Sunday mornings after Mass, laughter spilling over café tables, the way powdered sugar always seemed to find its way onto his cassock no matter how careful he’d been. Now, it mostly meant temptation of a different sort. One he didn’t give in to, but which clung to him just the same.

Jude adjusted his sunglasses and stepped under the green-and-white canopy of Café du Monde, moving easily through the crowd until he spotted her. Ember. Same easy poise, same spark that made the air around her seem alive. The late-morning sun caught in her hair, and for a moment, he could almost pretend that everything in his life had stayed the way it once was. "Thank you for indulging me and coming to the most tourist-infested spot in the Quarter." Jude said as he reached the table, the faintest smile curving his mouth.

He slipped into the seat across from her, the chair legs creaking against the tiled floor. A server passed by with a tray of coffee and powdered sugar storms in their wake. Jude pretended not to mind the smell, pretended not to remember what coffee used to taste like.

“We need to make these meet ups a monthly thing.” he said, voice low and warm, the faint lilt of the South softening his words. “That way we don't feel like we're always playing catch up.” He glanced down at the untouched plate of beignets on the table a small, wry grin tugging at his lips. “You know I can’t eat this, right?”

He looked back up at her, expression gentler now. “It’s… good to see you, Ember. Really. Tell me what's new in your world.”

[undead-jude]

Where: Deathrunner HQ in the Bayou

Who: @thegraveyardshifts (Maddox)

He’d spent a lot of time using his rusty medical combat skills on the Deathrunners that could benefit from them. Maybe it was penance of a sort. He didn’t need to sleep the way he used to, and the silence of the sunken church gave him something close to peace. He was drinking from a blood bag quietly, just sitting in thought. But tonight, there was movement. The sound of someone’s steps uneven but familiar.

Jude looked up just as Maddox came into view. The enforcer’s broad frame still carried the marks of a fight that hadn’t yet healed. The missing arm was what most people would see first, but Jude didn’t look at it like that. His gaze lingered instead on Maddox’s face. Seeing the exhaustion there, the simmering frustration, the stubborn spark that hadn’t gone out even when everything else had.

“Maddox,” Jude said softly, setting the blood bag down next to his seat. His voice carried that same calm cadence he used to have in the pulpit quiet, grounding. “It's good to see you up and around.” But paused then added, "I won't ask how you are doing. But if you feel like telling me, I'll listen."

[undead-jude]

Where: Baba Yaga Waffle House

@strangedevotions (Val)

The sign buzzed faintly overhead, one bulb stuttering like a faltering heartbeat. If purgatory had a smell, Jude thought, it would probably be this. Burnt syrup, stale coffee, and the faintest trace of blood that clung to the late shift like a secret.

He sat in a booth near the window, hands folded around a chipped mug of coffee he wouldn’t drink. The steam curled up, ghostlike, and fogged the glass. Outside, the French Quarter slept unevenly, neon bleeding into fog, the hum of distant music fading to something that sounded almost holy if you tilted your head right.

He wasn’t sure what had drawn him here tonight. Maybe it was habit. Checking on Deathrunner haunts, making sure the city still breathed. Old habits from when he'd been human. The urge to be around the living but on his own terms. Or maybe he wanted the company of other vampires. Something he still struggled with.

When the bell over the kitchen door chimed, Jude looked up. Valérian moved through the fluorescent light. Even in the humdrum setting of laminated menus and sticky booths, he seemed untouchable. Something that every vampire besides Jude seemed to have. “Evening,” Jude said, his voice low but warm, the drawl of his Louisiana roots showing more at this hour. The faintest smile tugged at his lips, soft and self-deprecating. “It's never occured to me to ask you... Why a shift manager here?”

[ascnsionismx]

"But I bet you wouldn't have me any other way, right?" Because that was what made Mathias unique. He was young, and though his life often expected him not to be, there were times where he allowed himself to. His youth was all he had left, and he let it run free as much as he could. The way the lights caught on Jude's face made Mathias catch his breath. He had always been so entranced by his features. The strong bridge of his nose, the crinkles around his eyes. How beautifully aged it was. Something Mathias would never have.

Their hands brushed together as they danced, Mathias taking this as a chance to show his physical affection through his fingers. "Yes, we always need someone like that in a gang. Although, I wouldn't call it a spectacle. It was more like bonding". The husk of the vampire's voice captured his attention, letting Mathias hear something he didn't really know. "You don't wish to see me hurt, in any way. I get it. I've been doing my best to not put you in situations like that again. And I know you care, Jude. If you didn't, you wouldn't be here right now".

As Jude tilted closer, Mathias could get a better look at his face. It wasn't an overstep, but it took his breath away and made his heart beat faster. A moment of weakness showed when Mathias lifted his hand from Jude's shoulder to brush away an eyelash, that on he could seemingly see, away from Jude's cheek with his thumb. Realizing his mistake, he cursed under his breath and quickly put his hand back. Mathias cleared his throat, unable to look at the vampire now, else he go too far.

"W-Well, Sebastian left a lot of his records at my place, and his record player. W-We could...dance more, if you want. Like maybe once a month, if you're interested". He finally looked up at Jude and frowned, "I'm sorry, I wanna keep dancing, but I will kiss you if we do. I want to do both, but I know that's not good. Maybe we should stop? I don't have the same control as you".

[undead-jude]

"You any other way wouldn't be you." Jude said simply. It was true but there were parts of Jude that did wish that Mathias could have had a different life. A different destiny. Not for Jude but just for Mathias. Even if that would mean they never would have met. But those were impossible wishes and things that Jude didn't spend too much time on. Jude thought of himself twenty years younger. Who he was. The things that he had outgrown because he had the luxury of time to do so. Things that he knew that Mathias believed he would never have. Not the way many did.

There was always a weight of unspoken things held softly between them. Making the air thicker. But with the swelling roundness of the jazz Jude could set that weight adrift on the music for a little while. Fingers entwined, pressing against each other. Until Mathias continue their mention of the Deathrunners. This gang that Jude had joined of his own volition, even with the best of intentions. Jude gave an artless shrug, "It can be both you know. Spectacle and bonding." He had been in the military, he understood it. Jude listened to Mathias' response quietly. "I appreciate that." Mathias did try to consider his feelings. As much as he could. And Jude tried not to let his worldview clash too hard with the gang itself.

The space between them slowly disappeared. Music and movement. He could have moved away when he saw Mathias' fingers come towards his face. Could have stopped him. But he let the younger man brush his cheek with thumb. He closed his eyes for a moment and then let out a soft surprised sigh. Opening his brown eyes he looked down at Mathias, seeing the other now very deliberately not looking at him. He moved them carefully back towards the edge of the dancefloor. "That sounds nice... I can teach you a few more steps. So I'm not just dragging you around the dance floor." Jude looked down at the younger man and his warning. He stopped them at the edge of the dance floor. The scent of Mathias' sweat and blood made Jude close his eyes again and look down. His voice was tight as he spoke. "We need to stop." He forced himself to let go of Mathias and cross his arms over his chest. "I don't think my control is much to write home about these days."

[sanguisxferox]

Knox had managed to explain some things to Jude while Mathias had gone back in town. If he’d been awake when it had happened, he would’ve stopped the necromancer from going back. Or at least tell him to just take the zombies down. Now, the other factions will clearly think they had a say in this mess. The familiar can tell this mess was clearly done to stir shit between the Deathrunners and the Lightless, but fuck, now the Lotus Eaters would be pissed at them too.

He’s terrified for Mathias, but it doesn’t even come close to how fucking scared he is of what he’d seen and mostly felt. Something had touched the bound between them and if it’s whatever he’d felt inside Mathias—people have no fucking idea how bad things are.

He’d put a strong front when Mathias had talked to the members, but it had been difficult both physically and mentally. But when they’re alone with the necromancer, he feels the pain and sorrow a moment before Mathias breaks down. Last time Knox has seen the younger man like this had been after the fallout with Anker.

Tonight, he’d seen a glimpse of future that he’s been praying and hoping to avoid. He listens to Jude, almost feeling out of place, ‘cause talking has never been his thing. But he does what he’s always done—he turns into his gator form. It’s extremely painful ‘cause he’s still healing, but that’s always how it has worked between them. The albino alligator comes closer and bellows. The sound might be terrifying for others, but he knows for Mathias, it’s more like a purring noise. He lightly bumps Mathias as he sends a feeling of unconditional love to the necromancer, silently offering the other to lay on top of him instead of walking around.

[ascnsionismx]

The pain was so immense, it almost made Mathias throw up. He was usually fine with it, as it was something he learned to manage, but this was something else. For years, he tried his best not to over use his magic. He knew the consequences, and had seen the effects it had on himself. Whatever happened tonight was too much for his body to handle and now he was suffering.

He looked to Jude as the vampire knelt in front of him. The calm look in his eyes, as Mathias was in a panic. The the rumbling purr from the large reptile next to him. This was why he picked these two. They were the only ones that knew how to bring him comfort when he couldn't put it into words. The unspoken need to be cared for. He could show his weaker side to them without shame or fear. Mathias took in a shaky breath, trying to calm down. "But...it hurts...". The bathroom wasn't too far though, and Mathias knew cleaning the wounds would make things better.

He looked to Knox and slowly rolled on top, feeling the sting of each wound. This was no way to live. Now he could see why dying would be the easier option. He wondered if this was what the Higher Ups intended. If they wanted his body to break down until the ascension happened naturally, or until someone put Mathias out of his misery. "I-I'm getting rot on your scales" he whimpered, seeing the mix of blood and black on the white scales of Knox's back. He felt terrible. Terrible for making them see this. Horrible for making them worry. He kept making them worry.

Mathias felt small and he felt tired. "...I didn't do it" He mumbled, "I didn't kill him". Mathias was guilty of many things, many horrible things, but killing and reanimating Callum wasn't one of them. "You two believe me right? I-I didn't do it...A-And...Wh-What Suresh said...I know I miss time sometimes b-but I would know if I did something like that. You have to believe me". He was desperate to not feel at fault, for someone to believe that he was telling the truth, because Mathias needed to believe he was telling the truth.

@undead-jude

[undead-jude]

One thing at a time. It was the only way to go about something like this. Break it down and create a list of priorities. His old habits from his time in the military. The best thing you could do when things went to pieces was make sure you didn't go to pieces with them. The sudden change in Knox from a man into a large alligator did not cause the vampire any alarm. It was a common occurrence. Though he did silently wish to himself that the shifter had stayed in a form that had hands and thumbs and human capacity for speech. It was a little hard to communicate with a reptile.

Jude had the information that Knox had given to him. Important. He wished that Mathias hadn't gone back. That Mathias hadn't taken the corpses back. It looked bad. He knew it looked bad. But that wasn't the most important problem. He nodded gently as Mathias told him it hurt. "I know..." It looked like it hurt. He was careful as he help Mathias roll onto the gator. Mathias' wounds were terrible to look at. And he knew that the Lotus Eater Boss hadn't done this to him. The snake and his demon had done something else. But not this. Jude touched Mathias' head gently as the younger man whimpered. "Knox doesn't mind. I can't read his mind. But I have a hunch." Jude murmured to the gator, "Help me get him to the bathroom. I can clean him up."

Jude paused when Mathias began to mumble. Still staying on his knees next to both the gator and Mathias. Hand still gently on Mathias' head. "I don't believe you killed or raised him..." Jude spoke with conviction even if his tone stayed gentle. "You were with me when the zombies came..." He went silent at the remark about the Naga. It wasn't a secret that Jude was not a fan of the Lotus Eater Boss but he tried to at least appear neutral since Mathias and Suresh were... had been... friends. "It doesn't matter what he said right now. We need to clean you up and we can figure everything else out later. But I believe you." And oddly enough Jude realized that he did believe Mathias. He stood so that the gator could move them to the bathroom.

[ascnsionismx]

i. I wanna be your provider Your guiding hand, your final decider That bit of fuel to your fire, stoke your desire Just let me know that you're mine. ii. I want to delineate Though the last time we were around each other I found myself hesitating But I know I would not now, my lover. iii.And our bodies converse like old friends Exchangin' the years in silence With something unsaid on both ends Surely we know the difference.

Provider

@undead-jude

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias was a reckless and impulsive force the moved through life with abandon. That nature of his got him into more trouble than he'd like to admit, but it also allowed him to live life the way he wanted. To be fearless in the face of threats. To live shamelessly. To indulge in the things that made him happy. He wanted to bring Jude along in that life. To show him that his past life of shame didn't have to apply now. That he could live without worry of judgement.

As the vampire took his hand and the music swelled, Mathias swore that this night was made for them. He laughed along, the sound mixing with the upbeat music in the air. "What's life without a little risk, Jude? You should already know that I'm willing to risk a lot too". And Mathias already had. Many opposed this. A lot of trust was broken when he brought Jude in, but this was what Mathias wanted. This was worth all of that.

They danced together under lanterns and moonlight. Others danced around them, wanting to join in on their fun. Even if they weren't as physically close as Mathias would have liked, he was still enjoying this. They moved in sync with each other, perfectly in time with the music. "A fighter with words. I'm very aware of that. You made a big stink about fighting me in that fight pit, remember?" Not that it was a problem of course. Someone in the inner circle had to be the non fighter.

Mathias was right, dancing with Jude was a lot of fun. He needed to make sure they did this more, and maybe not in such a public setting. There was a record player in his home, one of Seb's with all of his old records, maybe Jude would like to listen to those one day. "Oh...Is it because you get all hot and heavy?" Mathias teased, "Or at least, I certainly do. So I can see why you'd wanna do it in private".

Yes, they needed to survive this dance. While Mathias seemed to be carefree in the moment, he was being observant and cautious. He was prepared in case anyone tried to do anything, and made sure they appeared to just be friends. The music changed tempo to something a bit slower and Mathias moved his hands up to Jude's shoulders. Nothing too intimate still, even though he desperately wanted it to be.

"Where'd you learn to dance by the way? I didn't know priests knew how to do that".

[undead-jude]

Jude let out a soft laugh at Mathias’ tease, the kind that came from genuine warmth rather than mirth alone. His fingers stayed lightly pressed in Mathias’ hand, guiding, grounding, keeping them both aware of the space they carved in the crowd. “Oh I know." He tilted his head slightly, letting the light catch in his pale skin, the shadows of his life lurking at the edges of his brown eyes, a shimmer of the vampire underneath. Chaotic, yes. But blessed in its own way. His gaze softened, lingering on Mathias’ face, the carefree shine of it, and Jude felt a rush of protective instinct. Part priest, part predator, part man.

“Yes, I remember. And I'd do it again.” Jude said quietly, letting the words roll over the steady rhythm of the music. “I'm not much for violence as spectacle." His fingers brushed against Mathias’ again, firmer this time, a small tether. He allowed the music to slow them, moving in time with Mathias’ energy, letting the warmth of his companion settle into his hollow spaces. “You should know,” he murmured, voice husky with the faintest tremor of confession, “that even when I seem… cautious, it’s because I see you clearly. Whole. Vibrant. Dangerous to myself only in the way I care too much. And I… I do care. More than I often allow myself to admit.”

Jude’s head tilted closer, careful not to overstep, letting the weight of his presence be felt like a prayer offered silently between them. A soft exhale, a pause to let the moment breathe, and then, with a small, almost imperceptible nod to the slower rhythm, he added, "I didn't learn it in seminary. I grew up with jazz Mathias. I grew up dancing.”

[ascnsionismx]

"Oh, I know" Mathias said with a small chuckle in his voice. "I understand all the ups and downs of life. I embrace them all too". Whatever it was that controlled life, fate or a hand of god, it was still a majestic thing. It was a precious thing too, and something Mathias wanted and believed in so fiercely. "Your God is quite fascinating, Jude. I hope you never stop believing and worshipping him". He would never ask Jude to abandon his beliefs, because his beliefs were what made Jude Jude.

Hearing that Jude was given a second life and someone to share it with, made Mathias' heart skip a beat. That was what this was all about. What everything was all about. "You know these past two years, everyone has been assuming that all I want to do is cheat death. To steal from her. I don't. I understand that things must die, believe me I do". His eyes glanced down at the graves, "And I understand that there are some people who simply cannot be brought back. But I'm not trying to be a god that people pray to in order to defy the inevitable. I just want to give people the chance to live. To feel the good and the bad of living. Because I think life is a beautiful thing".

He looked up at Jude now, scanning over his face with the fading light of the sun, "I know my time is coming soon, and my second life won't be the same as the ones I give others. And I'm...fine with that. If it means giving more people a second chance at living, then I'll gladly sacrifice whatever I can". Mathias made peace with his fate. He made peace that he would never have a second chance at life. These fleeting moments, whether it was a few months, years, or even days, were all he had left. And he was doing his best to enjoy them. The last moments of feeling human.

Mathias rubbed the back of his neck as the quiet pulled them in. Dragging them under into a deep ocean. How eagerly Mathias would breathe in the water and let it fill his lungs if it meant staying there with Jude. The stars above, balls of gas lightyears away or angels watching over them, and the graves at their feet. He looked at Jude with a radiance that rivaled the sun and moved closer to they were just an arm's reach apart. Mathias kept his hands behind his back, waiting patiently as always.

"Jude..." He smiled and rocked back and forth on his heels, "I love you. You don't have to say it back. In fact, you never have to say it if you don't want to. Because I will love you now, and tomorrow, and a month or year or decade or even century from now. For as long as you walk this earth with me...and even long after when I'm without you. My final choice in this life is you, and it'll be you in next. So can you please tell your God thank you, for allowing your presence in my life".

[undead-jude]

Jude felt the words settle over him as Mathias spoke. The hush of the bayou, the tilt of the sun, even the graves themselves seemed to pause, listening. He closed his eyes for what once was a heartbeat, letting the weight of Mathias’ confession… his love, his trust, his final choice—wash over him. Impossible grace. When he opened them again, his gaze softened, tracing the warmth in Mathias’ eyes, the steady courage that belied the fragility of youth. Jude knew that words weren't Mathias' preferred form of communication. Mathias was action oriented. He was testament to that. But sometimes, when they were alone, and he could get Mathias' talking, the younger man was much better with words than he let on.

“Mathias,” he said softly, his voice reverent, almost a whisper. This was where it became difficult. Because he didn't believe that Mathais was going to be a god. Not truly. A divine being maybe. But a god? Jude didn't know, wasn't sure. He bent slightly, letting the late sun gild the edge of his features, giving him an almost saintly halo against the darkening horizon. “Life is a beautiful thing. But it is beautiful because it ends. And you need to let people have the choice… To stay or to go. Even if you don't like the answer.” He hesitated, letting the weight of his words sit between them. “I am… unworthy, in many ways, of the life He’s given me, and the extension of it that you made happen. But I carry it, carefully and faithfully. Because that is my path."

A faint tremor ran through Jude’s hands, and he kept them folded behind his back, restraining the subtle hunger, the vampire’s instinct to claim and protect, to bind life to him. Instead, he let it settle into quiet devotion, guiding his caution and care. He could sense the pulse of Mathias’ own vitality, and it made him ache. A fragile light in a world that demanded so much, yet here he was offering it willingly. Jude wondered if this fleeting time that Mathias spoke of was the reason why he was still here. To help Mathias know love before whatever end was coming for him. Whatever change. He took a measured step closer, careful not to close the last sliver of space between them too quickly. This was where Jude struggled. In the movement. In the action. In the distance closed. Years of habit and denial. In the fading twilight around them.

When Mathias said he loved him. Jude believed him. And that was the terrible part of it. Jude had never meant to be Mathias's final choice. Had never sought to be. But here they were. And wasn't it worth something to give Mathias a touch of joy in a brutal life? Since Jude knew that he loved Mathias too. He wouldn't be here if he didn't after all. Jude finally moved and placed and hand on Mathias' shoulder, squeezing it gently. "You can thank Him. If you want. He listens." He took the hand from Mathias' shoulder and extended it to Mathias, "Let's go inside and set up for the night."

[ascnsionismx]

The meeting was brief but Mathias tried to make the best of it. He could see the worry on his peoples' faces, and he tried his best to ease it. This was something Sebastian had drilled into his head in his early years. Even if Mathias was worried, or scared, he was to never let his followers see or feel that. He needed to comfort them and show them that everything would be alright, that they could put their faith and trust in them.

He thanked all of them, and sent them on their way to rest and hold each other close. The summer night's moon hung high in the sky. "Knox and Jude, if you two would hold for a moment. We need to discuss a few things back at my place" Mathias said and turned to walk towards the building. The church, which doubled as his home, wasn't too far from them, but with every step Mathias felt his strength leaving him.

He let both men into his home, his hands trembling now from the pain and the exhaustion. Mathias barely made it inside before he put his back to the door and slide down to the floor. Everything hurt, his body felt cold and on fire at the same time. He was sweating and shivering, shaking and unable to move from where he was. Pain. That was all he felt. It slipped through the bond he shared with Knox for a moment. Tears ran down his face as he sobbed and began clawing at his clothes.

Mathias tore off each article of clothing, the fabric sticking to his skin in odd ways, until he was just in his underwear. The state of his body was not the same as it was that same morning. Open wounds covered him and wept a black and red substance. Bone could be seen in some of the areas where the skin was thinner. He was rotting from the inside out. When Mathias saw the state of himself, he began to hyperventilate and cry harder. He didn't know what happened, he didn't know what he was. But that voice in his head just hummed with satisfaction as Mathias looked to Knox and Jude.

@sanguisxferox @undead-jude

[undead-jude]

Jude hadn't said anything. His thoughts had been on the fight. On the fear that filled him. His inability to do more than just watch. His face had stayed as blank as he could make it when Mathias was addressing the Deathrunners. But as they all got into Mathias' space the room Jude could smell it. Thick with the iron tang of blood, the air heavy with decay and something fouler. Jude felt it in a way mortals never could, every pulse of Mathias’s ragged breathing, every twitch of his body, sent a shiver of instinct through him. His vampire senses flared, mapping the room, the wounds, the danger. Even so, his stomach twisted, a knot of fear and helplessness tightening with each moment. God, he thought, curling his hands into fists for a moment. Lord, protect him. Preserve his soul. Preserve him. Do not let this take him from me.

Then there was Mathias. The thought twisted Jude further: so young. So damned young. Barely past the age when most should be learning the limits of the world, and here he was, being broken and burned, stripped of strength and dignity. The horror before him, Mathias, bleeding, rotting, fading, was something holy could barely touch. His heart ached, and yet it wasn’t human ache alone... the vampire within him stirred, drawn to the living pulse that remained.

He sank to one knee next to Mathias. His lips moving in whispered prayers, the words of his faith slipping like beads through desperate fingers. Sancte Michael Archangele, defende nos in proelio…

“Mathias,” he murmured, voice low and calm, though his heart hammered, “let us help you. We need to clean this…. I know it hurts. I know it’s wrong. But we can't leave it.” He looked at Knox with solemn dark eyes, "Breathe Mathias... Breathe..."

@sanguisxferox

[ascnsionismx]

Mathias was happy to talk about it now and he was happy to talk about it later. Nothing had to be set in stone either. For him, this was a lot like a bucket list. The things he wanted to experience before his untimely end. To love and be loved.

He chuckled, "Oh yeah? Are you secretly hiding some fighting skills or something? I know vampires are strong and stuff, so I'm sure you could pack a pretty punch". He didn't want it to come to blow, but if it was necessary, then so be it. "Now now, we both now that I don't always do what I want. I actually and a very good listener and I follow your advice more often than not".

"Ah" Mathias said with a nod. He leaned over, and put a hand over his mouth as he whispered in his ear. To any onlooker, it would have just looked like two people wanting to share words in privacy. "Would you like to feed on me when we get home then? 'Cause personally, I think being fed on by you in an alley sounds really fun". He pulled back from Jude with a big grin then got to his feet.

"I don't care if it's exciting for them. I want it to be exciting for us". he offered his hand to the vampire. "Do you wanna lead?"

[undead-jude]

Jude’s gaze lingered on Mathias as he extended his hand, and for a moment, he felt the old, familiar tug of restraint. Not out of shame, but out of habit. He had lived long enough to know that the world was rarely kind to people like them, and especially not to people like him. The eyes of the Lotus Eaters, the Nameless, the Lightless... they didn’t forgive carelessness, and even a moment of indulgence could carry consequences.

But then Mathias smiled, that reckless, radiant grin, and Jude felt the tension ease like wind over calm water. He accepted the hand, letting himself be pulled into the small space they carved out of the festival. The music swelled around them, a living thing, and Jude allowed the vibrations to reach him without thinking. His fingers brushed against Mathias’s, warm and steady, and he had to resist the urge to linger there for longer than propriety, or prudence, might allow. “I don’t think it’s about who’s watching,” Jude murmured, voice low, almost drowned by the horns and laughter. “It’s about what we’re willing to risk. And I… I’m willing to risk more than I used to be. For this.”

He shifted his weight, letting the music guide his movements. He led with careful, practiced steps, keeping their motions close enough to feel the press of Mathias’s body, far enough to avoid drawing attention. There was a certain irony in it... him, a creature of the night, moving delicately under the glow of lanterns and moonlight, guarding both his heart and his secret. “And yes,” he added with a faint, teasing smile, letting a flash of humor slip into the quiet, “I could pack a punch if I had to. But I prefer words.” His eyes flicked to Mathias, brown catching gold in the light, and he shook his head softly, a small, private laugh.

He let the music carry them for a few steps longer, matching the rhythm, letting it cloak them from the world. Then he leaned slightly closer, voice a whisper against the pulse of brass and percussion, “Feeding on you is um... private for me.... And not something that I want to do in an alley...” Jude’s thumb brushed against Mathias’s hand again, just briefly, as if testing the strength of his own restraint. “Now,” he said quietly, “let’s see if we can survive this music without drawing every eye in the street to us. That's my advice that you are telling me that you are good at taking.” There was humor there, but also calculation. Careful calculation. Even in the midst of joy, prudence never left him.

And as he moved, leading them together, he felt a rare lightness. For all the danger, for all the consequences they had yet to reckon with, in this moment, he could let the world fade and focus only on the warmth of Mathias beside him.