PLUCK THE STAR

IF YOU DESIRE ... BECOME THE STAR

[underthetub]

[ The answer should have been simple: Then don't be. Anyone else could have decided that. He had tried that already, and it never worked. It always came back full circle to Rene. There was no one else living inside of him. He wasn't like the others with their multitudes and facets. He wasn't complicated. It was easier to be simple, and it was easier to be told what he was and to listen wholeheartedly. But the voice was gone again, and Rene was forced to come to the same realization over and over. He was alone. Alone in a space that didn't welcome him but was only holding him tenderly like a newborn chick as he pranced around and threw a fit. He was always trapped in a cycle of someone else's machinations, and it seemed even now he was stuck in another one. His own Mother. But, he couldn't even act surprised, could he? He was never that naïve, and he was done playing with ignorance. But, if that was the case, now what was he to do with himself? All that was left to do was to wake up. Force himself to open his eyes and make the choice to begin again. Start the cycle and sink his infinite time into reshaping himself. ]

I...

[ He wants to keep protesting, or even keep asking the same question over and over, but instead he lets his jaw hang slack and stare into the pure void. It was no longer the time to sit with his thoughts; his feelings could roil over and spin around for eternity if he let them. There was a solution, only one, and it was so simple.]

I'm going to wake up now.

[underthetub]

[ When the other him spoke, it was like the world around him exploded into red hot light. Saturating the space with a heat haze that simply sizzling around him, his eyes watering from the force of everything. Why was he still here? What was he fighting for? Rene didn't even have an answer and yet he still opened his eyes. That was enough, that alone was more than enough. ]

Is it really that easy?

It always has been.

[ Tears pooled from Rene's eyes like drops of stardust slowly falling down to the planets far far away from where he was right now. There was no one around anymore to tell him that he must keep living, that he must continue. And yet, Rene still opened his eyes. And if it was out of routine how awful would that be? Would that be enough to stop him from doing it again the next time? Rene was the only one that was allowed to make that choice. A soft shimmer of hope that lived somewhere deep inside him was bubbling up and spilling from his quiet sobs. He looked up, trying to find the other him in the daze but being met with the reminder that he was entirely by himself. ]

It's not fair. It's not fair!

[ His fists pounded into the nothingness sending fire like shock waves out and around him. Why was he made? Why did he get thrown aside so easily? What was the point of doing any of this? None of it made sense and even worse part of him felt like that didn't matter anymore. If it was enough to just decide to continue then big earth shattering questions could wait to be answered until it wasn't painful to open his eyes. But, could he be okay with that? The world would keep on turning even if those questions were never answered. Rene would keep on living. It was painful to come to that realization, even if it was his own choice it felt like a wide berth of grief was trying to swallow him whole. There was a sun in his chest that was burning straight through him and trying to break free, trying to begin again and start the next day. Who would he be tomorrow? There was no way for him to know and that was terrifying. Who was Rene without his Mother's guiding hand? The same hand that hand pushed him aside time and time again only to beckon him back tenderly to lull him into obedience. Rene was not a dog, but all he could do was follow. That too was enough. ]

I don't want to be that person, anymore. I don't want to be him, anymore!

[underthetub]

[ Impossible space opens up, floating in unending white. It was painful for the man to try to open his eyes not to the blinding light but to the realization that he wished that he didn't have to wake up anymore. An ideal where there was no more of him, just a cut thread that hung suspended in the air. No emotion, not recognition. Something that used to be there no longer was. That's what he wished for, yet not once had Rene ever gotten what he wanted. So, his eyes open. The white of the space turning into a cool gray, unable to find a single shape to settle his eyes on. Unable to find matter in this world. Then, something far away speaks, as if reaching towards him and pulling him into an embrace. The voice is all around him and inside of him trying to come out from his own throat. ]

You aren't going to go back?

[ A small and simple question, yet unfathomably lonely. With the cadence of a child that has yet to realize the makings of the world around them, another Rene speaks. And Rene can't see him but the idea of him exists and that other him sits, and he waits. Time ticks by as they both stay together, the question hanging over them like a canopy of melancholy. ]

Do I have a choice?

[ Rene finally speaks, another bout of inevitable sadness fills him to the core. The Origin inside of him quaking like it could shatter at any moment. Dying of a broken heart would be the most pathetic way to go, and yet it was all too real to him. The other him seemed to pause, breath held as he thought to himself on how he wanted to answer. The impossibility of telling Rene what he had to do, when Rene was the one that chooses. There was no guiding hand from the universe to gently lead him along, now there was only the cold bitter slap of air that reminded him all he had was himself. ]

You already made it, I believe. You're here, awake and present. Aren't you?

[underthetub]

[ His one hand slowly reached around her giving a feeling of warmth burning all over both of their bodies. Genesis, before in their other world had taken the powers of Achlys for very specific reasons. This promise was one. Pressing his hand into her after a moment of intense heat the curse exploded from her chest. Ice sprung forward in violent spikes as if trying to escape her body as her heart was set ablaze by strangely comforting fire. The aching deep inside of her was being burned and turned into smoke. All of the cold, harsh, and painful parts were melting into her and soon there was no differentiating the ‘curse’ from ‘Atlas’. ]

I think... I understand it now. 'Love' and what it means to you. Maybe, after this... We can try to start to figure things out. Will we ever get along?

[ It was over quicker than she expected and she was left staring helplessly at her brother. His breathing was labored, he could barely stand, and he was clearly losing plenty of blood. Regardless of his situation, and what had just transpired... Atlas couldn’t help but think that Genesis looked ... Cool. She still didn’t want to lose to him, she didn’t want to fall behind anymore. However, no longer did her heart prick with ice at the thought of trying. No longer did she burn with hate, but instead ... Something much more tangible. ]

I think we get along just fine. Things like this happen all the time, and besides you’re still my sister, and I still love you. It's okay, Atlas. I'll protect you.

[ Without any remorse he reached over and gently pet her head. The situation reminded him clearly just like the day in the pouring rain and sobbing little Atlas clung to him and begged him to stay with her. He helped her up, and smiled softly at her. Happy that in this strange place Atlas was still Atlas. ]

[underthetub]

[ A last stand, in a animalistic and wild motion that made little sense to either of them Atlas' sword was driven right into Genesis' upper arm. One disgustingly clean and mortifying slice forward in confirmation of what she had done sent his arm flying, and landing to the ground with a weak thud. He opened his mouth in horror but all he could do was scream in pain as his other hand reached and seemed to search for what was no longer there. He turned to his sister, expecting some kind of give but all she did was sink down to the ground next to him. Her arms reached out around him, and she pulled him forward into her embrace as she sobbed into his shoulder. ]

I'm so, so scared. Genesis, I don't want to be alone anymore. I'm sorry for not listening to you and letting the curse take over. I'm sorry for hating you, and that you've been dealing with everything without me... You died in front of me and I couldn't even do anything. Please, tell me. Tell me that you love me.

[ Silence filled the space they were in, the park clearly devoid of any other beings besides the mockery of woodland creatures that did nothing but watch them with sneers on their face from their modeled and licensed theme park rides. Finally, Genesis moved out from her embrace and took her cheek in his hand. Cupping her face and covering her in his blood mixing with her freezing tears he winced at making her pretty visage look so unrecognizable. ]

I'm sorry too, Atlas. I'm sorry for taking so long to understand what happened to you. I'm sorry for not loving you properly before. I do, truly love you more than anything else in the universe. Let me help you.

[underthetub]

The day your mother died you clung to me and cried and cried and cried and you asked me... You asked me if there would ever come a day where I would leave you behind, and do you remember what I said to you, Atlas? 

Why are you bringing up something like that right now, are you trying to make me feel bad?! You said what you always say, that stupid lie you keep telling. I love you more than anything else in the world. You say that and then you leave me behind. You left me behind over and over and over! Isn’t that just the theme for you, brother? You keep getting do-overs but you don’t DO anything. You have a family away from me, you have powers I’ve never even dreamed of, you have Azrahel, you don’t need me anymore! ... So, I decided that I don’t need you either!

[ Ice stabbed into Genesis’ stomach and he coughed and stumbled backwards. He used his spear to make sure he didn’t fall back again and looked at her, pained. It wasn't like he couldn't fight back, obviously without a fight there would be nothing but empty attempts at weak communication. The only real 'talk' they could have was truly and deeply in the wounds inflicted on to skin. Genesis has nothing to lose in a fight where he had already given up. He had resigned himself to be fated to be 'killed' by his sister as he accepted her entirely. Atlas never hated him more in this moment, all over her body ice was freezing and in turn melting into steam before she could protect herself from his vulnerability . She raised her sword once again, as if trying to sever what ever ties they had in this moment in desperation. An animal with only one chance at survival and she could do nothing but fight.]

[underthetub]

How many times are we going to go over this before finally you get it through your head, dear brother? You aren't like me. You and I are completely different.

[ She raised her sword to stab down, finally Genesis moved out of the way and aimed his spear at her sword as if in an attempt to shatter it. Before he could manage her blade was covered in ice and reinforced. He stood back and straightened up. ]

I get it now Atlas, this is your love. It’s cold and harsh and there’s nothing pleasant about it! You’re stabbing into me over and over in an attempt for me to feel you but all I feel is hurt. If this is what it takes for us to understand each other, and for you to accept me then... Come here. I’ll bear it all for you, and accept the love that no one else could. Your curse, your ice, your heart... I have no choice but to melt it all. 

[ Atlas glared at him, but Genesis had nothing left to lose. The dance began. Round and around their weapons clashed against each other while fire and ice filled up the room. For every step Atlas took Genesis replied with one step bolder. He dragged his foot forward and lit the ground ablaze, in turn Atlas let spikes of ice fly up from the ground. There was no end to it, but what else could they do but continue? ]

[underthetub]

As expected, here you are following like a little duckling. Chastising like I've taught you well. Dear darling little problem child, are you finally getting tired of the world being handed to you on a silver platter? No one even knows that you're the OLDER brother because you're so...

[ She moved away from the counter she was leaning on, taking rapid and rushed steps forward. Towards him. Malice coursing through out her body. Genesis didn't dare move and instead decided to bear all of it in that moment. Her sword fell forward, almost like she was clumsily throwing herself at him. He couldn't hold her up, and they both fell to the ground. The fight had been lost far before it had even begun. ]

So...? You, Azrahel, my mother and everyone else in this fucking universe just wants to fix me, isn't that it? You're hurting because I'm a bad brother, and you're upset because the story never focused on you. I'm sorry, Atlas! I'm sorry for being the awful devil on your shoulder and causing you so much ugly ruin. You and I will forever and always be rotting, is that it? Your grand final words when you expel me from this place?

[underthetub]

[Genesis was left in the overstimulating place of the wonderland they had been - as far as he could tell - enjoying until a moment ago. He stood there, the world feeling so empty to him, his unnatural presence biting at his barely corporeal body as shivers ran up his spine. Instead of standing around and letting the horrors seep in he decided to take a lap around the park. No matter what he laid his eyes on the visage of the happy cartoon mascots in grotesques happiness just made him feel more and more like he was somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. The lights flashing vivid colors felt blinding no matter where he walked or how hard he closed his eyes. A awkward beckoning seemed to pull him forward. ]

Ah, you.

[ Ice cold, the blood in his body as completely decorative as it was all seemed to freeze in his veins as her voice rung in his head. Perhaps more afraid of her than anything else in this space for reasons he couldn't quite understand. His dear sister was leaning against a counter surrounded by won prizes and plushies. The surrealism of where he was standing and the inability to wrap his mind around what he was seeing he just nodded. This Atlas was the Atlas he knew all so well. The Atlas that saved him, and killed him. She ended up here with him... ]

Are you having fun?

[underthetub]

[ Azrahel's mood seemed slightly lifted at Genesis' attitude, but still a tension hung over them like an oppressive force pushing them down. Genesis couldn't understand what his mother was trying to explain to him. Was he lucky his world was going the way it was? That his version of Azrahel was so 'kind' to him? But Genesis hesitated to call Azrahel truly kind, since it wasn't exactly something he had stopped to wonder about before. Was Genesis a good person? Azrahel seemed to notice the shadows deepening on Genesis' face and he opened his mouth finally. ]

Seems like you also have a lot of things to reflect on, hm? In this world Kosmos doesn't exist... Well, more accurately I killed her.

[ It didn't surprise Genesis, despite the place they were in being wonderful and pretty, the man that was standing before him was a much scarier version of an already dangerous person. For some reason despite what he knew his heart didn't hurt and his fingers didn't feel cold at the revelation that his Mother was dead in another world. It didn't ache, in fact he mostly just felt empty and quickly accepted it to be true. Azrahel refused to close the distance between them, though the air around him seemed to soften slightly as if connecting with Genesis on a level he wasn't before. ]

To get things to the way they were before, I think I'll do some searching. Why don't we ... Split up for a bit here?

[ Azrahel said the words like they were awful to his mouth, almost unnatural in his strange dependence on Genesis even when he only a stranger. Genesis noted this, but nodded slowly. He had no idea of where he was or where to go so he also wanted to follow Azrahel around. Instead of voicing that, he just let the other do what he thought was best and slowly watched him step away. ]

[underthetub]

Don't leave, please. If you leave I'll be alone...

[ His body felt hot, as anger rose in his stomach and into his brain. What was Azrahel's problem?? He wanted to say something back but instead just stared at him. ]

Clearly not everything is going to go the way you want. Kosmos did this to me, so between you and I we should be able to at least get me out of here and 'your' 'me' back.

[ Again, Azrahel studied him like he was a brand new animal he had never seen before. He could tell he wanted to regard Genesis like the man he knew, but there was something so off about both of them that they just stood a few feet apart while the air stayed tense. ]

You're right. There's also a chance that nothing can be done, and what then? ... What then?

Then, we should be friends, right?

[underthetub]

You aren't lying. You're not my 'Genesis', though.

[ He thought a bit more, like he was doing calculations in his head as his expression became grave. ]

No matter how far back I go, or what I change... This fate seems to be unavoidable. If you're here, where is the other you?

[ Genesis was silent, after long moments of trying to understand what this meant it dawned on him. He wasn't the 'Genesis' this Azrahel wanted, and thus regardless of their obvious connection in other timelines... They were strangers and Genesis was in Azrahel's way. ]

I don't know.

[ His voice was caught in his throat, and his heart was beating so loud he was worried the universe could hear it from where he was standing. He had never felt so othered by Azrahel before, and it wasn't anything he could control. The man stared at him with animosity, even if his voice seemed calm- Even if this wasn't the Azrahel he knew- Genesis could tell that he was going over all of the ways to 'fix' him in his mind. All the ways to make things go the way he wanted. ]

If you're going to look at me like then I'd rather just leave you to it. I don't want to be here either, obviously. I can figure out how to go back without you.

[underthetub]

Who are you? You're not Genesis...

[ Azrahel moved towards him, and his expression grew darker. Alarms went of in Genesis' head as he took a few steps away from the other. No, this wasn't the 'Azrahel' the knew, and Genesis was a stranger in his eyes. He put his hands up and laughed nervously, trying to find a way to defuse the situation as it crept up on him. ]

Come on, it's fine! No, really, I'm Genesis! I mean, it's really not a lie... Ha-

[ He tried to continue but before he could Azrahel grabbed him by the collar and lifted him into the air. They met eyes, and Genesis felt the blood drain from his face. Azrahel's skin split open and exposed thousands of red thread underneath as they snaked down his face. Genesis clawed into Azrahel's wrist but he didn't let go. His expression just hardened as he tried to understand what he was holding. The threads spread out, reaching out to time itself and slowly crafting a web as Azrahel lifted his eyes off of Genesis to study it. He struggled some more, now that his attention was elsewhere and broke from his grasp. Azrahel turned back to him and glared. ]

[underthetub]

[ The world fell through, into a void with a wave of her hand. Genesis felt the ground disappear from his feet and everything around him vanished. He felt himself be pulled left, right, up and down. Then the next second he was somewhere else. Someone he knew was sitting across from him, lights danced and strange music played. He sat in a carnival ride, across from Azrahel. As the teacup spun, Azrahel looked more and more uncomfortable. ]

This isn't right.

[ Genesis wondered for a moment if he was talking about the world shifting completely, but Azrahel flicked his wrist and in a flash of red they weren't on the ride anymore. ]

You don't like that kind of thing?

[ He tilted his head, feeling strangely calm... Maybe a bit cold. Azrahel turned to look at him and the temperature continued to drop. Genesis had seen this look before, Azrahel was deeply considering something, and how to deal with it. Sometimes, Azrahel reminded him of Atlas. The way he expected to have control over everything, the way he tried to fix things in which ever ways he figured would be best. Genesis spoke again. ]

Where are we?

[underthetub]

[ This battle was one Genesis absolutely had to win. Despite that it felt as thought for everyone else they were already bracing for him to slink back and let Kosmos rein him in. Push him off of the castle. Kosmos laughed, like his determination was funny. It was light hearted but it made Genesis tense up. ] 

To be honest with you, I didn’t expect this to go on this long. Isn’t it boring? I just wanted to have some fun with the expectation that you’d just cry a bit and then set the path right. Isn’t that what he’s for after all? 

[ Kosmos’ eyes shifted to Azrahel as if this whole time he was really the threat she had been thinking about. Genesis was never a thought in the long term plan since he was just being strung along by the Harudonas. He grit his teeth. ] 

What am I to you? Am I just an idiot that let himself be controlled by everyone he meets? Thaaat’s right you need to protect me. What a great fucking job you did! You could’ve, you had the chance. You ignored me for 23 years, and then showed up when everything was real convenient for you. No, sorry, you sent Rene to do your bidding. What am I to you? A stupid little kid that doesn’t know how to tie his shoelaces? Does it make you feel better as a mother to be involved even though you had over a century to raise me and didn’t do shit? Are you... Jealous of me? Right, my life has been full of rainbows and sunshine and I’m a spoiled bitch of a son that gets everything I want. 

Genesis, that’s enough. There is an amount of guilt and remorse I feel about you, and how things have gone. You’ve always been this way, after all, you want and want and want until there’s nothing more to have and then you find something else. You’ve lost me so much, so much grief. You keep leaving. First it was as my daughter, and then it was from my home, then it was my plan, and now you’re finally trying to cut me out. I can’t imagine who put these thoughts in your head that I’ve done nothing but extend my love to you. Even when you created Paradox behind my back I pretended I didn’t see, because I understand. Genesis, I understand you. Even if you don’t want to admit it anymore I am your mother. I am Rene’s mother. You are supposed to listen to me, because I know best. I know better than you. Ah, fine. You want to know all the suffering you could experience if you were any more off the path? Then, so be it. If you can come back to me after this perhaps you will see things from my perspective. 

[underthetub]

[ It didn’t take long, but it took enough time for everything to have already gone to hell. Genesis knew when he ran away it would be harder to come back to the scene but this was different than he was expecting. Rene was on the ground with Paradox next to him covered in clear signs of a fight. Atlas was bleeding from somewhere hidden under her heavy clothes. And oh so heavy they were soaking in blood that seemed unending. He wanted to turn around, and grab Azrahel and scream at him to go back. Go back, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. It wasn’t supposed to hurt like this. ] 

Genesis, you don’t have to- 

[ He did, they both knew it. They stared at each other for a moment, words passing between them that didn’t need to be said. The pain in Atlas’ eyes was something that bordered on pity, like she ached for a her poor weak little brother. He couldn’t stand it, so he refused to look away until she finally gave in and turned forward. It was a fight, one that he couldn’t afford to lose anymore. They couldn’t keep eating each others tails. ]

Mother. 

[ His gaze shifted to the real enemy. She looked down at him, and shook her head. To give up before the fight had even began, no, she didn’t even want to talk with him. Oh! What a bother Genesis was. A thorn in the side of a lengthy tree, a bee buzzing in the ear of the bee keeper. She had no choice but to flatten him against the flowers. Yes, the air had changed. Kosmos, the universe, she couldn’t see it any other way. It was love of the purest form to get him back on track. He held his breath before he spoke again. ] 

Why? 

[underthetub]

[ Azrahel stared down at Genesis. He had pushed himself into a far corner, far away from the casino. His knees were tucked close to his chest and his head was down. Azrahel wasn’t sure if he had even seen Genesis look so defeated before. He knew he could make this go away, in a matter of seconds, but he wondered for a moment if it was fair of him? He knelt down, trying to find something to say. Something to coax the star of the universe to lift his head. ]

I can’t do it. 

[ Azrahel blinked, he didn’t say anything in return but he understood. He couldn’t do it either, after all. He had let his mother kill him so many times there was still a scar on his chest after rewinding time over and over. It was a horrible, terrible and cruel thing. This bond they had no choice but to break. Eventually, Azrahel knew it would break, even if Genesis wasn’t the one that broke it. Kosmos was already going too far. ]

What about Paradox? 

[ Genesis was not a fool, he knew that he had to get up sooner rather than later. He couldn’t keep running away from his past, Azrahel couldn’t be the one to settle it, anymore. Even so, his body shook at the thought, and without lifting his head he leaned against Azrahel as if trying to take some of his courage, despite knowing all too well there was nothing to take. No matter how many saints they fought and powers they obtained they were still the same men they had been from the start. Undeniably broken, but fighting regardless. Azrahel could rewind over and over but this fact wouldn’t change from something so arbitrary. After a moment Genesis lifted his head and locked eyes with Azrahel, the end of the world as he knew it was looked down at him with a soft look in his eyes. He could’ve kept gazing at him all day, but now he had to get up. He had to go. ]