n o t e s t o s e l f @undoing-gender - Tumblr Blog

nubbsgalore

in the aeroplane over the sea of fog. (x, x, x, x, x)

passionfruitandvelvet

“Let Yourself Feel It”: some guidance for navigating what’s unknown within ourselves

(by Corinne James in Rookie Mag, Feb 2017)

love this so much ✨

furiousgoldfish

I used to depend so much on what people thought of me and weather i was useful/welcome presence in their life because I honestly thought that i couldn’t live if nobody wanted me alive, I couldn’t matter if i wasn’t bringing benefits to everyone, I wasn’t a good person unless I was proving it constantly and giving everything I had to anyone who could benefit from it, I needed people to want me alive, because if they didn’t, I was afraid I’d be abandoned and left to die.

It changed when I realized I could live without anybody else. I could live even if nobody else wanted me alive. I could feel good about myself even if I wasn’t constantly doing favours to everyone and giving myself away to others. I could survive even if I wasn’t beneficial to everyone. Because I finally did the crucial thing, I put myself into that equation, I counted myself as a person. I want me to be alive. And that’s enough. Me wanting to life for myself is enough. Nobody else needs to benefit from my existence. I don’t have to do anything for anyone else’s sake, ever. This life is mine, all mine, and nobody else has even the right to decide weather I should live or die. I get to be beneficial to myself, and nobody else. I get to do whatever I want, weather others like it or not. I get to do this unapologetically and without guilt, I get to own and live my own life because this life is all I got.

I’m the only one who is going to experience consequences of my choices, there is nobody who I owe my time or favours, there is nobody who I need to impress, nobody I need to like me, nobody I need approval from. And no, this is not an abusive mindset, because I don’t need to hurt anyone or benefit from anyone in order to live, taking my own life for myself does not hurt anyone in this world, only ones losing something here are the abusers who assumed the ownership on my life, to which they had no right. My life is only mine, and I’m going to fight and defend the right to do with it whatever I want until the ends of this earth. My freedom is the most valuable thing that I have, and I resent that they could have ever convinced me that it doesn’t matter if I have it or not.

theglasschild

Everything changed when I forgave myself. I have crooked teeth. I was born with strange toes and sometimes my heart speeds up. I’m not good with people, always keeping to myself, and I have two brothers I don’t even know. But I’m trying to smile even though my teeth don’t look like a toothpaste commercial. I’m walking bare feet thinking ’who decided how toes are supposed to look?’ and I’m trying not to wear oversized clothes just to hide my body. I still keep to myself a lot, but sometimes I try to show up and reach out, and sometimes that’s all it takes. I’m trying to both honour myself and grow myself.

Everything changed when I learned to honour my body instead of fighting it. When I learned to take care of it, like a precious castle to protect this weary heart. To stop harming it, punishing it for looking like this or that, feeling like this or that. I don’t look like they all told me I had to do, but I’m healthy and strong and vital. That is enough.

Everything changed when I forgave myself. I never got a record deal. I never found a manager who believed in what I did. I never got to tour in a tour bus, with a band, in front of big crowds, and I never got to do all those things I fought with all my life for, for so long. But I started my own record label and built my own deal. I learned to manage myself and I even created my own concept for touring. With friends as a band. With my very own supporters as a crowd. I created my own path.

Everything changed when I switched from saying ‘I have to do this’ to 'I GET to do this’. When I started viewing my music as a way to serve instead of building for own profit. When I tried to meet people with an open heart and a will to love them instead of guarding my own history of solitude and brokeness. Dedication. Giving. Loving. That is the goal.

Everything changed when I forgave myself for all the things I couldn’t be. I’m not famous, successful, rich or popular. I don’t have a large group of friends, a big house or academic qualifications to get me a job: heck I never even had a job! But I get to do me. Full out. Peacefully. With no one telling me to go there or do that, be this or sign here. I get to explore every corner of my own personality, on my own. Every passion, every talent, and follow wherever it might lead me.

I’m not everything I want to be, but I’m more than I was, and I’m still learning. I’m happy. Just sitting here. Knowing I have a few friends. Knowing I have a dream to work on. Knowing I have somewhere to go if it starts raining. A pillow to rest my head on. Someone to call when I get lonely. Nature to walk in, pure air, early mornings, seasons and weather. This is enough. This is more than enough. and most of all, I am enough.

Everything changed when I forgave myself.

♡ Charlotte Eriksson

positiveglittertruth-blog

Sounds to Soothe Anxiety

Cat Purring

Thunderstorm (Close)

Thunderstorm (Far Away)

Ocean

Weightless

Wind Chimes

Tibetan Bowls

Nature (Images of River)

Space Ambient

Ambient Electronic

Human Heartbeat

“Native American” Style Flute/Drum (Images of Fire)

Rainforest

Celestial White Noise

Music to Help Combat Night Terror

Winter Wind (Images of Trees and Snow + Cheesy Shakespeare Quote)

Autumn Wind

Howling Wind

Rain on Tin Roof

Rain on Tent

Traffic (Distant)

Traffic in the Rain (Close)

Fan

Distant Train

Relaxing Trance/Electro

Chillstep (Relaxing Dubstep) (Vocals Used)

Relaxing “Chinese” Inspired Meditation

Soft Piano

Sad Violin and Piano

Instrumental

Stormy Ocean

littleblueeyedbird

wait this is exactly what I needed

thinkphilo-unactive

i’m seeing everyone have these close relationships with their parents..and i can’t help but get jealous. it’s like they’re bestfriends and they can tell each other anything. they can open up to them without the fear of being judged. they’re always there for each other and it’s like their whole worlds revolve around one another. they have a special bond that can never be replaced or broken.. and i want that.. oh god i want that so bad..

vahst-deactivated20151216

spectrum

cakeandsodomy22

healing colors

averagemastermind

I scrolled for a MINUTE on this post expecting something funny/cute at the end and got NOTHING.

So here’s a picture of a pig wearing rain boots:

ayla-mae

I stopped fearing the dark when I was old enough to comprehend that the only monsters that were out to get me came out no matter where the sun was shining. I stopped fearing the dark when I realized that night time was when it was quietest. When most of the people in the city were asleep, or resting at home, so I had the outside world all to myself. I stopped fearing the dark when I learned that my mommy was working against me. That her intentions were not pure of heart, that she wanted to hurt me. That the scariest thing living in the dark was not the bad people she warned me about, but her. I stopped fearing the dark when I realized that it was dark in my head; and my head was where I went to get away from the world. I stopped fearing the dark when I stared into the bad guys eyes in broad daylight. I stopped fearing the dark when I realized that no one could see me. When I learned how to become a chameleon, leaning into my surroundings. Being invisible was easier in the dark. I stopped fearing the dark when I realized how beautiful it was to look up at the stars. I stopped fearing the dark when darkness was the only thing I truly ached for. When darkness was all I wanted to be. When I wanted the darkness of the universe to swallow me whole. I stopped fearing the dark when it completely engulfed me and I was still shining. I stopped fearing the dark when I realized that I have been the Light I needed to guide my way through it this entire time.

Ayla Mae, Fear of the Dark (via trappedangel)

heartsnmagic

petalya

the type of people the world gives you -

light:

glows when they talk, dewy eyes, radiates with a blessing from the sun, calm in the air and goodness in their hearts

ocean:

bodies full of stories, a will that ebbs and flows, lazy smiles, no real devotion to anything but existence itself, wordless lullabies

earth:

minds like caverns, hands like stone, to hold or to hurt, heavy irises, earthquake tempers, stubborn desire for constant reconstruction

poison:

an inexplicable sense of sharpness, hot tears, decaying cores, irreversible tornadoes and infectious whispers

wordsnquotes

There are a few things in life so beautiful they hurt: swimming in the ocean while it rains, reading alone in empty libraries, the sea of stars that appear when you’re miles away from the neon lights of the city, bars after 2am, walking in the wilderness, all the phases of the moon, the things we do not know about the universe, and you.

Beau Taplin, “And You” (via wordsnquotes)

imperfectlyxo

If you are scrolling through Tumblr trying to distract yourself from something you don’t want to think about, or you’re looking for a sign. It is going to be okay. Just breathe. You are alive and you matter.