perfect imperfections

[freshmoviequotes]

War and Peace (1956)

[gimmekurtisconner]

parenting an angsty teen

[beyonceblockedme2]

leak the full track

[drinkpisspissblood]

Me from 2005-2009 like literally

[ghosthierophant]

leak the dad’s track instead

[bloodbending]

peter parker in the 2002 movie is fuckin…. incredible. he gets bitten by a fuckin jacked red blue spider and he doesnt say “hey someone should take me to the hospital mayhaps?” he just goes home. then the bite swells to the size of a fuckin jawbreaker but he’s like “nah i just need a nap.” then he wakes up the next day and discovers that he DOESN’T NEED HIS GLASSES ANYMORE and he has a fuckin six pack. does he flip his entire Fuck? no. he says, “cool.” iconic.

[laughingfish]

2002 peter parker had no health insurance

[artisticlog-deactivated20231213]

First of all 🙏

[dankmemesreasonforliving]

[yourresidentginger]

my anxiety has a loophole that if somebody is else is equally or more uncomfortable I develop the sudden ability to Do The Thing

[castielsteenwolf]

i cant go and ask for more ketchup for myself but if my friend wants more ketchup im out of my seat in a second

[thehotgirlproject]

The mom friend override

[twitterlols]

[princess-kropotkin]

i trust him

[abomination-of-gender-deactivat]

this is what a male feminist should look like

[princess-kropotkin]

the other side says “treats and pets, not trump and pence”

[abomination-of-gender-deactivat]

GOOD SHIT

[officialjiggly]

when youre in an uber pool and the second passenger opens the door

[uglyassprettyboy]

;alsdkjfk

[rygos-deactivated20150329]

[flavoracle]

Twitter has a 140 character limit, yet I still found a way to tell one of the longest and most obnoxious knock-knock jokes of all time within a single tweet.

I am more proud of this accomplishment than any human right has the right to be.

[yd12k]

The dads are evolving

[werewolfpresident]

They have learned our technology, they control our communication

[unexpectedsplendor]

An educated person: "it's unhealthy to eat past 9 pm."

Me, eating Lucky Charms at 3 am: "Oh man, good thing time is an illusion"

[unexpectedsplendor]

90% of horse movies

girl: *finds horse who is impaired in some way*

girl: dad can I keep it

dad: no there's no hope for it let's go

girl: dad u idiot u don't get me

girl: *visits horse in middle of the night*

*cuts to girl riding the horse in an open field bc she is free and her dad can't control her*

dad: how dare u

girl: just let me prove to u this horse is special

girl: *enters race*

girl: *wins*

dad: u make me so proud

horse: *whinnies*

[rihannafenty]

[shacklesburst]

you, a doctor: *handing me my new born baby* I’m sorry but your wife didn’t make it

me, an intellectual: *handing baby back to him* bring me the one my wife made

[turing-tested]

im so fucking distraught someone came into my wendys and asked they could use their own cup and i said yes and he filled a ziplock bag full of coke! i hate working fast food!!! what the fuck!!

[bourtange]