May or May not be Sad

I'm Emalee and I write poetry and stuff. @unexpressd on twitter

[amiraclecalledhope]

“1) I sat on your lap the first time we hung out because there was no room. there was never any room and somehow I always ended up there. with one hand on my back and the other on my legs, it became a home to me and I swore I would always come back home to you. 2) You used to text me drunk at 2 in the morning, and we would talk until the sun about everything. when I shared how I wanted to die, and you told me you were glad I didn’t, I swear you gave me the reason to always want to live again. 3) On prom the minute i saw you, the words “You look beautiful” escaped your mouth for only you and I to hear, and I swear noones words ever meant more to me then yours . 4) you were the first person I called when I was in pain, my legs hurting immediately after surgery,and the meds wore off. you stayed with me and when I needed to be rushed to the hospital, and you couldn’t be the one who took me to get more meds, I never heard more remorse in my life, and I swore that gave me a high within itself. 4) You grabbed my phone when he didn’t care for me, and wrote down the nastiest things in your own anger, showing me that you had the biggest soft spot for me and lord I swear I never seen you become more defensive for me in our lives. 5) You moved ever so slightly to face me, and placed your hand upon my wrist ever so gently, thinking I was asleep, holding onto me as if scared that in the moment you were to let go, i wouldn’t come back to you but I swear I would always come back to you no matter what. 6) on the bus ride back the only comfortable position was to lay my legs across your lap and I fell asleep to you tracing my knee as if to calm the pain, only to wake up to find my head on your shoulder, and the glare of a girl who wouldn’t love this down and I swear I promised I wouldn’t get in the way. 7) I was about to leave the dance floor when our eyes met, the devil of a grin pulling me right back to you as you grabbed my hand, and taught me a polka dance, not caring who watched us stumble and trip over our feet in laughter. I swear I couldn’t breath because in that moment it was just you and me babe. 8) on the day you hurt me so bad, and I refused to talk to you, it killed me inside to see the defeat behind your eyes, because you were trying so hard to make things right again without getting lost yourself. it killed me to try and distance myself from you when I knew I couldn’t. You held me in your arms and I swear no matter what I would always forgive you. 9). I leaned against your torso as we talked all night, somehow our faces drawing closer and closer to one another until you breathlessly muttered the words, “Kiss me” and I melted away. I swore I would kiss you for a lifetime every time I had the chance. 10) We decided to get drunk all night long and laugh under the stars, and that all lasted after 4 shots of vodka with me stumbling around for hours, and you hearing me confess my love for you, only to shock me with the same words coming from your mouth, and I swore i would love you as long as you loved me too. 11)it killed me to see you smiling with her, to see her looking at you after that game. My heart shattered into broken pieces, and when your mother warned you to watch the line between her and I because she knew I loved you, you chose to cross the line back and forth instead. yet when it was your turn to see my happiness reside in someone else you felt in pain and I almost felt bad. but yet i swore one day it would be all worth it. 12) Minutes before picking you up you texted me to go alone, that you were leaving in the morning and had to stay with her, but wanted nothing more then to be with me, I swear my heart tore into pieces only you would be able to put back together. I cried an ocean that night knowing I won’t see you for months and I wouldn’t say goodbye to you and I swore every time you came I would spend every minute with you 13) Now that you’re gone I realize that it’s you. it’s always been you whose been my other half, the person who I love wholy and dearly. the person I want for the rest of my life, the person I can envision a whole future with and never get tired of it. I swore that one day I’ll be with you, no matter how log the wait.”

—

13 times I realized I love you in a 4 year span. (via

unexpressd

)

HI YES AUTHORS NOTE BC I CONSTANTLY GET NOTIFICATION FROM THIS. ITS BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE THIS POEM AND IM WITH THE PERSON IN THIS POEM AND WE ARE IN LOVE AND EVERYTHING IS GOOD WHEN YOU LOVE YOUR BEST FRIEND ITS BEEN 6 YEARS IN THE MAKING

(via amiraclecalledhope)

)

authors note; we aren’t together anymore. we broke up this week and ended itfor good yesterday. there’s moments where I wish I couldn’t love him or never met him and went through these moments; there’s time where I wish I could have added more moments to this poem because there’s so many. there’s times where I wish I was able to just kiss him one last time or go back ik time to erase all the bad i’ve done to him and he’s done to me so we could both me happy and together likr we were. we just made a yeartogether and it’s all done and there’s no hope in reconciling because I know he will never come back. my heart is shattering and i haven’t felt lose like this in a long time.being in love with your best friend is so dangerous when there’s the risk of losing it all and that’s what happened with me. I wish I could be hopeful that in the future when we’re older and wiser and more mature that it could work but it may never. call me pessimistic but i know him a lot more then he’ll ever think. i’m so sorry brian, for everything i’ve ever done to push you away and make you unhappy. all I ever did was try and be someone good to you and i just wanted to be loved back the same way. i’m so sorry and I’ll love you always.

[amiraclecalledhope]

authors note; it’s been three years since we broke up, and six years since I wrote this poem. i’m currently next to him in our bed, in our apartment, with our dog on the floor both sleeping and snoring the nights away and as I sit here recounting these two reactions; one newly in love, one newly heart broken and i think about how far we’ve come to get to this point. we’re together and decided for the long run. we’ve learned how to grow apart to be able to come back together and life couldn’t be any more perfect the way it is. I love him, and he loves me and that’s all we’ve known with each other and if love conquers us then it conquers all and that’s what I choose to believe in while in doubt. I love you forever.

[unexpressd]

Authors note; we are reaching a full year of being together and through each individual up and down, what we never lost sight of is the fact that we love each other and that will never change and that is the most important thing that helps guide us. i’ve lost words to describe how he makes me feel in the most glorious ways, bc no words are worthy enough to describe the love he gives me to this day. we’re in bed, him still snoring, dog still taking up the space by my feet, and I am happy, purely and truly happy.

[unexpressd]

In the end, the star crossed lovers finally found their moment to shine. In the way that the sun creeps cautiously to find it’s day, it is our love that has shed the light for the way. It is with the dawn in which we find ourselves raising with the toe curling stretches, soft pecking of forehead kisses and gentle embraces through tangled blankets. Although in some days where a quiet storm rolls in with the daybreaks, do we find ourselves clutched under a security umbrella, waiting for our storm to pass and led us to shelter within ourselves. But on the days where the sun shine bright, and rich laughter fills the air, I find myself reaching for more. More kisses, more embraces, more of you because it is you to which my home has been formed. And when night comes to end our days, I follow each star that forms a constellation, each a story containing but a mere fraction of our love. I look up and hear the slight snore of a lover whose stars finally have aligned with mine.

-25 year old deeply and madly in love to the point where her heart struggles to find the words constantly for this old but new feeling of love and happiness.

[doll]

[noorshirazie]

“You gave me everything but understanding. Am I to blame for my inability to separate my wants from my needs? Are you guilty of depriving me of the empathy I never tasted?”

— Noor Shirazie

[noorshirazie]

“It was catastrophic. Those human, tormented eyes undid everything. I forgot who I was before gazing into them. I cannot pretend to be unchanged.”

— Noor Shirazie

[noorshirazie]

“I am a walking whole. You were so determined to be my other half that you ended up overflowing me. I am spilling everywhere, all because you could not accept me for who I am. Why were you so intimidated by this confidence? I would have loved you with every complete piece of me.”

— Noor Shirazie, Into the Wildfire: Battle Scars

[lclrgsl]

Special ceremonies and drinking and dressing up.

[unexpressd]

this isn’t my past, but i’m telling you that old habits die hard

[unexpressd]

Am I not worthy of anyone’s love anymore

[unexpressd]

A Letter, The letter, A Letter Addressed to my past Self

Here we are, 

You are so young and about to be thrown in the most wild tornado of your life, 

Experiencing all that life has to give in a lifetime in the span of just a few years, 

But I know those years will feel like eternity, 

And that there will be days where you don’t want to push forward anymore. 

There will be days where the sky feels like a concrete slab, 

And you are Atlas holding the world on the weight of your shoulder. 

This is not what the adults meant by having the world at your hands. 

There will be days where you feel like your tears have drowned you, 

and youre struggling to breath, Lung filling up with anxiety and depression

And soon you’ll realize

and that it’ll be your turn to turn on the oxygen tank once more. 

Lately it seems like Your skies are gray and gloomy with a sunken pride, 

The days will pass on as the minute hand seems to spin around in a time warped circle, 

With you mesmorized by the gleaming glow of solitude in the night.

That the lightning strikes from your storms are the only way to bring you back to reality, 

Because a violent wake up call is what is needed to be heard some times. 

Ostracized by the moon, you feel as though your body is at war, 

And everyone here is against you, little misunderstood child. 

No-one else will hear the voice of death echo in your ears. 

but Pretty Little Lady please remember, 

That there are warm and sunny days ahead, 

That you will love yourself until you have no more love left to give

That there are battles that you will fight and win, 

That getting out of the bed is an accomplishment that you will recognize even if no-one else does. 

You are the late bloomer of a flower but you will be the strongest willed one yet. 

And when the clouds come to form once more, 

You will learn the magic wonders of what dancing in the rain feels like. 

Complete and Absolute freedom. 

[bnmxfld]

Jack Kerouac / The Dharma Bums

[lyrics-and-music]

The Unfaithful // Memphis May Fire

[unexpressd]

job apps

here is a list of jobs I qualify at but could never really apply too.

plumber; I could fix the leaks in a broke heart, stop all the bleeding and patch it up with some tape for minimal functionality. Repairing things is all i’ve learned to do with myself so this should be quite the breeze.

Demolition woman; all i’ve known in my life is how to destroy every good thing that’s come my way. i’m a self imploding bomb most of the time so just give me one good reason to explode and everything in sight will be gone.

Contruction worker; although I can destroy things, I don’t do too much of a shitty job of building the right foundation for this house of love, or lies, depending on who decides to live with me.

A florist; i’ll leave petals on the bed spelling out your name because extreme romance is all i’ve ever known since words seemingly failed me, and flowers may not be your favorite but you’d look wonderful around them.

A motivational speaker; my friends all always ask me for advice, but the person who they can lean on, be the rock through the roll tide, but lately all I hear is advice coming out of my mouth, but I could never really quite follow it myself, motivating myself these days has been harder then usual but if my friends need me i’ll be sure to talk my way through it.

a lawyer;

[coral]

“i’m hiding what i’m feeling, but i’m tired of holding this inside my head.”

— (via coral)

[affectionate-suggestions]

I wanna be in that type of love where just looking at them makes you smile. Where it’s hard to keep your heart from pounding a million miles a minute by being near them. Where looking at the sun set makes you day dream about them. Where you can’t imagine a future without them. Where being so happy and in love you start to tear-up just realizing it. Where you love each other for the rest of your lives. And couldn’t be happier together.

[3t3rnaldr3am]

“I can still feel loneliness even though I’m in love. I guess love doesn’t really fill up every hole in your being, I guess you should fill it with yourself.”

— Dayne Flores (via dayneflores)

[purplebuddhaquotes]

“Maybe that’s worse, not letting ourselves be loved. Because we’re too afraid of giving ourselves to someone we might lose.”

—

Mitch Albom