vaire

Some words are spoken, others are written. Here, I write the ones that never leave me!!

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Through My Eyes

English came into my life as an enemy.

It took me years to realize that English was never my enemy;

it was my own subjectivity.

From then on, I began to see her through new eyes.

At first, I thought it was all about memorizing meanings.

But then she taught me that it is not just about learning meanings,

for meanings are useless

if you are going to keep your mouth shut.

That brought me a new understanding.

English came into my life with many misunderstandings.

Though I won't claim to fully understand her,

for me, English is a medium

that turned my thoughts into poems

and stressed the fact that, yes, my voice makes sense.

People continuously doubt themselves, and so did I.

But I learned that English need not be perfect,

for it is not perfection that stays in our minds,

but peaceful reflection.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

My eyes caught a glimpse of her

On that dark, lonely night.

It still lingers..the way she walked,

Slow, yet with a steady will.

My soul shivered, as if from cold,

But the more I looked into her eyes,

The warmer it became.

Without a second thought,

My legs moved toward her

As if she were a silent escape.

The closer I got, the more I knew

It was the last time

With the ones God loved the most.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Thinking back…

I actually wonder how different my life would’ve been if he had just read that message.

We were friends,at least that’s how it started. But somewhere in that constant texting, the teasing, the late-night rants, and those shared silences... we became something more. Something unspoken.

I had this strange habit "disappearing". Not dramatically, but just… going silent. No goodbyes. No "BRB." Just vanishing from chats when things got too overwhelming. And every time, when I finally returned with a mess in my head and stories I didn’t know how to tell he was always there. Waiting. Like he never left.

That gave me comfort. Maybe even made me take him for granted. I thought he’d always be there.

But then one day... he disappeared.

At first, I thought he was just pulling a "me" taking a break. But days passed. Weeks. The chat stayed cold. I realized… I didn’t even know some basic things about him. I never asked. No phone number. No backup contact. We were so emotionally close, yet practically strangers.

I started scrolling through our old messages—reading the moments we laughed, the times he stayed up with me when I couldn’t sleep. It felt like trying to hug a memory.

That’s when I saw it…

The message I sent him before he vanished. A long one. Vulnerable. Honest. Maybe even a little too late.

It was still marked "delivered."

Not "seen."

Just… floating there in the void.

I keep wondering....what if he had opened it? Would it have changed anything? Would he have stayed? Replied? Said goodbye?

Maybe I waited too long. Or maybe... some messages were never meant to be seen.

But if he’s still out there, somewhere…

I hope he knows he mattered.

Even if I never got to say it properly.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Peace!

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Peace of Mind

One of the most surprising realizations I've made lately is about the concept of "peace of mind." Every time I thought peace could only be found in silence and a warm atmosphere, I didn’t know this truth: every soul is designed in a uniquely different way.

And my soul? It found peace in chaos.

By chaos, I mean being surrounded by people—loving people. That love-filled chaos was my peace.

Even though this realization came a bit late, I still hope I can reach that peace of mind someday.......

[unfinishedmurmurs]

For Someone Else

My eyes caught a flower—

a red one,

warm enough to bring peace to my heart.

I thought to take it with me,

but I knew—

it was never mine,

and it never will be.

So I left it there,

for its true owner to find

and make it theirs.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

#thethousandstiches!!

[unfinishedmurmurs]

........

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Too close to forget...too far to reach🚶‍♀️🙃

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Late have I loved you, lord!!

[unfinishedmurmurs]

There are so many people around me,

yet none who truly understand.

My soul keeps reaching, searching

for something I might never have.

I tried to bury the pain,

turned my anger inward,

but I couldn’t quiet the cry of my soul.

It’s that ache —

like feeling fresh flesh being cut,

silent, but searing.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

[unfinishedmurmurs]

What's this feeling called?

When the soul and body feel separate,

when the soul is crying for help,

but the body, fragile and worn,

can barely do anything right

[unfinishedmurmurs]

I still looked at her from afar,

like I did when I was six

when she was sunlight in a dress,

and I was the shadow

learning to smile.

I don’t understand why my soul feels this way.

Maybe it hasn’t seen a moment like that in so long

a moment that leaves me frozen,

standing there, empty.

There was still that grace on her face,

and I don’t know why

but I’m still the old me.

Still, a nobody

I laugh to release what I can’t explain,

turn myself into the center of jokes—

just so no one sees the cracks.

Maybe…

my soul was never meant for moments like that.

[unfinishedmurmurs]

Yaayyy 25 posts but I still don't know what am doing here🙂

Just out here using Tumblr as my personal diary.😌

[unfinishedmurmurs]

"Sometimes Earth feels like heaven, with nature’s sounds whispering like angels nearby."

Self-shot because nobody else gets my angles.😼🙂

[unfinishedmurmurs]

I know the wait is worth it,

but please—

don't let me live in dream alone."