Barty “Daddy Issues” Crouch, Jr.

Indie HP RP Blog. Semi-selective. Sometimes Canon-Divergent. Check out the pages for more info. Welcome!

[unforgivableson]

hi i exist and i’m at least CONTEMPLATING replies. seems redundant to keep saying “mental health troubles” but that’s the way it is.

[unforgivableson]

I’m alive it’s just a LONG ASS WEEK I’m so tired fffffffff

[unforgivableson]

OwO looky here oof sempai~chan...

[unforgivableson]

[text]: God, I just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

[text]: do i DARE ask why you are sending this

to ME?

[lyraxlestrange]

[text]: 😉

[text]: oh shit, wrong person

[unforgivableson]

[text]: I KNOW i should just ignore this but I HAVE to ask: by Merlin’s beard, who was the RIGHT person to send that to???

[unforgivableson]

[text]: God, I just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.

[text]: do i DARE ask why you are sending this

to ME?

[mintyisms]

📱 TFLN Starters – 7/?? 📱

[text]: I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.

[text]: He dreamed I was a serial killer and now he won’t let me touch knives

[text]: I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome

[text]: I spy something regrettable…

[text]: I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.

[text]: The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects

[text]: all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.

[text]: DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES

[text]: she makes me feel like im THAT guy in a the taylor swift song

[text]: Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.

[text]: No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better

[text]: Let’s play a little game called “Chill the Fuck Out”–you’re our first contestant

[text]: I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.

[text]: I’ll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.

[text]: I wish I had some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.

[text]: I’m trying to bond with my sister…Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don’t like

[text]: Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair

[text]: I’m slightly possessive over the guacamole when i’m stoned.

[text]: I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.

[text]: If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that’s how much you mean to me

[text]: Pounding your chest saying “me Tarzan” is not flirting or even talking

[text]: Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next to you

[text]: You need southern Jesus.

[text]: Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart

[text]: FYI… At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.

[dovingmemes]

‘ texts from last night ‘ meme

this is another that has probably been done to death , but i wanted to join in on the fun too. change as you see fit. some nsfw.

[ mssg ]: i dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body…

[ mssg ]: for some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.

[ mssg ]: i should be in a better mood, i just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.

[ mssg ]: i’m pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.

[ mssg ]: he pulled out a plan b pill and handed it to me as i left like it was a party favor. god bless america.

[ mssg ]: i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled “dibs!”…

[ mssg ]: sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.

[ mssg ]: my girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber…I’m buying the engagement ring tomorrow

[ mssg ]: i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled “5 second rule” and kept fucking me. i think im in love.

[ mssg ]: i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

[ mssg ]: i’m at the airport and there’s a guy wearing all camouflage to go hunting .. should i bump into him and say woahh sorry didn’t see you there?

[ mssg ]: i just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. today is going to be epic.

[ mssg ]: going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home.

[ mssg ]: i’m eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

[ mssg ]: it was good sex. she was screaming so much i didn’t know whether or not my name was _____ or god.

[ mssg ]: i don’t remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall.

[ mssg ]: thanks for bringing me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort you built around me is also appreciated.

[ mssg ]: he bought me flowers. the card with it said: sorry i cant get you off. i will try harder.

[ mssg ]: i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.

[ mssg ]: y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you’re going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.

[unforgivableson]

Hey, if you’re following me from a personal main blog or something, you are 100% encouraged to message me the urls of your rp blogs. I know it can feel awkward and pushy so this is your affirmation that YES, I really do want to see them!

[unforgivableson]

Hey quick question, wtf do they do with the VEGETATIVE BODIES of people who have been given the Dementor’s Kiss?

Do they just let them sit in a cell in Azkaban until they die? Or is my boy just fuckin laying there in St. Mungo’s in the next room over from the Longbottoms? Because that’s VERY BAD and also I think ENTIRELY POSSIBLE. 

[unforgivableson]

Follow-up question for those offering various ways to KILL the de-souled people: What’s the point of having a punishment that’s a “fate worse than death” if you immediately kill them afterward?

I’m not being snarky, I’m genuinely curious. Like, is the ACT of the kiss what makes it so horrible, rather than the soul-less existance? Or does having your soul eaten mean you can’t go on to the wizard afterlife and THAT’S the real punishment?

[unforgivableson]

(In response to the angst meme) “I heard you crying”, Rachbak Nippon mentioned on the other side of the door.

Barty jumped at the sudden intrusion and quickly wiped his eyes and took a few deep breaths before opening the door. “You heard wrong,” he lied sharply. “And what are you doing listening outside people’s doors anyway?”

[unforgivableson]

Like with what I put in that last response, I’ve been thinking about what kinds of habits Barty would have developed in a year pretending to be somebody else. Teacher habits, speech patterns, being paranoid af, etc..... but it just occurred to me that the BEST one is he DEFINITELY forgets that he can’t see in all directions at once anymore and tries to just look at stuff behind him without turning his head and gets annoyed that it doesn’t work lmao.

[unforgivableson]

"Fuck off."

“Language!” Barty warned automatically. He was having some trouble breaking the habits he’d developed in his year as a teacher. He cringed internally at himself, but the best thing he could do was lean into it. “What kind of way is that to talk to an old friend?” he taunted, fully aware that she had spent a good deal of her life trying to distance herself from the part of it that included him.

[unforgivableson]

"I can give you whatever you want. All I need is your soul in return." (Gcds-kings-andmonsters)

@gcds-kings-andmonsters

“Well, how important can a soul be, anyway? Having one doesn’t seem to be doing me any good so far.”

[rpmemes-galore]

Reblog if your muse is fluent in more than one language

[unforgivableson]

If you think Barty Sr. didn’t go through phases where he refused to respond to Jr. if he didn’t speak in grammatically flawless Latin... or Troll, or Mermish, or whatever he felt like that day.... then we were clearly reading different books.

[dove-among-bats]

*chucking canon out the door* AND STAY OUT

[tmvoldemort]

@unforgivableson​

Barty flinched away from the wand and swallowed hard. He tried to meet his eyes, to prove that he wasn’t one of the cowards he was talking about, but he could only manage it for the briefest moment before his eyes flicked away, here and there around them, anywhere but the face of the man about to kill him. He wasn’t going to cry though, at least there was that. His father didn’t stand for that kind of nonsense, and he was grateful at least for that now.

He was barely following what Voldemort was saying; his mind was an incoherent buzz of panic. But what he did process was when the wand was withdrawn, the face was no longer threateningly close to his, the Death Eaters starting to disapparate – was this a reprieve? Were they going to let him go? Would –

Then there was nothing. 

Barty was carefully prompting up against a wall. Stripped of his wand with his pockets still turned inside out. Someone had even robbed him of the few coins on his person. The room he was place in seem more like a cupboard. It had a slanted low ceiling and a dirt floor with empty mason jars around the corners. Cobwebs gathered here and there as well as a musty earthy smell.  Shadows passed the square door in front of him. Followed by voices that carried easy enough. While Barty was not bound and the door not locked, there was no way out with Death Eaters blocking further escape.

“..What does it matter?” Said a voice, male and deep, “Crouch clearly isn’t going to bargain. You heard the W.W.N-” The static noise of a radio was turned off-” Its a waste to keep him!” “What should we do then?” Said another male sounding exhausted and sarcastic, “Kill him?” “Why not? I’ll do it,” A gasp followed, “one spell to the temple- done and over with.” Had said the first man A groan and other mutters followed but was cut off by a lower speaking voice. “No..,” This time it was Voldemort who spoke The room outside went quiet as if what their Master had said was more shocking then murdering a kid. “Let me speak to him,” Said Voldemort, “Is he awake yet?” A foot fall charged towards the square door. The light from the cracks were blocked off for a moment. The groan of the door on rusty hinges followed by a bright yellow light from outside.. A face peeked into check on Barty. Still masked with dark eyes a glowing. “Oy, you come here!”

[unforgivableson]

Barty had been gradually coming to for a few minutes, but his head was still heavy and confused. He was having trouble making sense of the conversation filtering in through the door, but he got the gist — they hadn’t decided to kill him yet, but they were definitely leaning that way. Still, being alive now was more than he had expected — even if he was slumped in the corner of a broom closet, aching and dizzy, unarmed, and — ugh — covered in dust and cobwebs.

He jumped at the sudden barked command from the masked face in the doorway. Briefly, he wondered if he should stay where he was and make them drag him out if they wanted to do something with him. But it would be a pointless gesture, and he would rather NOT have them touch him any more than they had already. Not to mention, getting out of this awful closet sounded wonderful, even if the alternative was a room full of people discussing whether to kill him. Supporting himself against the wall, Barty slowly pulled himself upright, waited for his head to stop spinning, and ducked out the door. He tried his best to brush off his clothes and smooth his hair as he looked around the room. It was a useless effort, but it was all he had control over at this point.

[unforgivableson]

Hey quick question, wtf do they do with the VEGETATIVE BODIES of people who have been given the Dementor’s Kiss?

Do they just let them sit in a cell in Azkaban until they die? Or is my boy just fuckin laying there in St. Mungo’s in the next room over from the Longbottoms? Because that’s VERY BAD and also I think ENTIRELY POSSIBLE.