She knows that whatever moral dilemma she is having is probably stupid, she knows that. She wouldn’t go back and change the way things went, either, reiterating the fact to herself that she’d kill to keep Benny alive a thousand times over if it came down to it. But, the fact remains that taking a life doesn’t come quite as easy for her as it does for the rest of their family —- she’s practically dedicated her life to the exact opposite. Worked her fucking ass off to be able to save lives and so taking one, even if it is for the right reasons, is a hard pill to swallow. It’s easier now though, laying in bed with Andy and talking it out, his hand pushing through her hair bringing a sense of calm over her, finally. You’re safe. She knows that the words are probably supposed to be reassuring and in a way they are, but the fact remains that they still don’t know who had attacked them tonight, Kane is still out there being completely fucking unhinged, the ATF is still breathing down their necks. “For now.” The words slip out before she can stop them, lips pursing together momentarily. They’re all safe for now. For once it seems like fate had been on their side because all three of them — four if you count Lettie, and Rowan always does – had manged to come out of things relatively unscathed. But that never seems to last with them, especially when they’re now fighting an unknown threat. So she can’t help the pessimism that makes itself known, reminding her that while tonight they all get to rest easy… tomorrow might be a different story.
Rowan knows coming to accept Benny as their son rather than their nephew was a harder process for Andy. While they both had their guilt over the death of Sylvia and what that meant for the three of them, Rowan had been able to talk hers out and remind herself that Sylvia would have wanted them to love him as much as they do, that she would’ve wanted them to be a family. Andy had taken a little longer to get there though, and she doesn’t blame him for that — his views on family in general aren’t exactly crystal clear, he hadn’t grown up in an environment that was warm or loving, with the exception of his mom, and when they were older he had watched her family throw her to the side. Her arm moves to wrap around his middle, fingers trailing up and down his sides slowly as he speaks. A quiet sound leaves her lips, sounding somewhere between a laugh and a scoff when he mentions Benny’s attitude. “You love his attitude — and mine too,” she counters with a raise of her eyebrows. Who would have thought? She lets her head dip again to press a kiss against his shoulder. “I wouldn’t.” She answers him honestly. If someone told her a year ago that this was what her life was going to be like today, she never would have believed them. “I’d always hoped it was gonna be you and me in the end,” she starts off quietly, her voice taking on a soft honesty. Their divorce is still a sore subject for her, but she hopes by now he knows it wasn’t due to any lack of love. Somewhere in the back of her mind and in the corners of her heart, she’d always been holding out hope that someway, somehow they would find their way back to one another no matter how unlikely that had looked. “Just always thought that’d be the end of it, you know? I never… I didn’t see this in the cards for us.” Her hand stills momentarily, taking a second to feel his chest rise and fall with his breathing again, just another brief reminder that this is all real.
A short snort of laughter leaves her at his comment, eyes rolling though they remain full of affection for her husband. “Technically I’ve got an MD. You should know that, you made enough noise at my graduation.” Not to mention he had paid for it, but she doesn’t bring that up. “Think it’s served us pretty well over the years.” Tonight it had certainly paid off. There have been many times over the years she’s been grateful for her education and skill set, more than happy to help out her family and the club when they need it — but tonight she’s especially grateful. The mental image of Andy being dumped on the front steps of the hospital while a car screeches away plays behind her eyes before she can stop it, but she blinks it away quickly, trying to stay in the somewhat light moment they’ve found. She frowns when he starts coughing through his laugh, her hand moving back to his chest to move in slow circles until his cough subsides and she sneaks a peak at the bruises around his throat. They look mostly superficial, she doesn’t think anything got crushed or damaged and in a week his voice’ll be back to normal, but it’s definitely going to be painful for the next few days. “You’re so fuckin’ impatient,” she tells him with a shake of her head. “Didn’t have the matchin’ scars til tonight, easy street starts tomorrow. Don’t jinx us.”
He knows what’s going to happen next -- They’ve been through it before, only with a different crime scene left behind and her father knocking on their front door with a warrant. It’s difficult not to think of that night, that the anniversary of it was only a few weeks away. He tries not to let himself go back to that night, back to the things that led up to it -- The way he downed a bottle of liquor while driving to the job in question, the freight train of emotions that came out of him the second his bat was in his hand, mourning the loss of their daughter in a more destructive manner. He tries not to think of Rowan at home that night, curled up in their bed staring at the wall, over come with Post-Partum Depression and grief. This is nothing like that, he tries to tell himself. They’re in a vastly different place compared to eight years ago, no longer holding on to broken seams and strings -- They’re stronger than they’ve ever been, and that has to count for something. Whatever disaster meets them in the morning will be just another storm for them to weather with their hands intertwined. For now. It’s true, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. For now, she’s safe in his arms and they’re tucked away in their little corner of the universe. He sighs, nodding as she speaks. “For now has to be good enough.” He finds himself reply in a soft voice, his cheek leaned against the top of her head. “We can figured out what to do in the morning.” Andy settles with, trying not to think of the nightmare that’ll come once the sun rises. All cops, crime scenes and deaths aside -- Trying to get him up and on his feet is going to be a trial enough. His eyes watch as her finger tips move up and down his side, loving the way her warm fingers cause goosebumps against his cold skin. It’s comforting, just as it’s always been. Even with the sharp pain that crawls up his leg each time he moves it slightly.
It’s refreshing to accept Benny as their son. Andy sees him as such, but saying it out loud -- That’s a different battle on their own. As far as he’s concerned, he’s been theirs from the moment they signed the adoption papers. Sylvia will always live on in memory, and he’s never going to hide that from Benny -- But as far as Andy is concerned, he is Rowan and his son, and nothing can change that. It was only a matter of time before the words came out and he let himself have this -- Even if there will inevitably be a certain amount of guilt that comes with it. For now, at least, he’ll enjoy this moment, enjoy that Rowan is here with him in it. “Can’t say I mind it,” he replies with a smirk, wishing he could turn to the side and kiss her properly, but knows if he tries it’ll move his leg and they’ll be back to square one. Instead, he settles with what he can reach -- Kissing her forehead. They haven’t really talked about this kind of thing -- Having a family, what Maddie’s death meant for their future. Everything fell apart and for a while, that was that. He’d always hoped they’d end up raising a family together, but knew realistically that it was probably out of the realm of possibility. And then along came Benny. “S’always gonna be you, baby.” He’s repeated the words to her on numerous occasions, but never strays away from a chance. There’s a pause, before he answers her. He’d been in the same boat -- Andy can still remember the conversation vividly. We want four. They’re supposed to have a four kids and two dogs and one big backyard for them all to play in by now. “I did, too. I’m just glad fate had a different plan.” He finds himself admit, trying not to think of the fact that Sylvia had to die for them to get the chance to be parents. “Dunno how we’re gonna get three more, though.” He finds himself add in hopes of lightening the mood, mostly for his own sake.
The memory of her graduation, and just how incredibly loud he was at the ceremony brings a smile to his lips. “I can think’a couple times it came in handy, I won’t lie.” Andy teases, knowing very well that if she hadn’t chosen the career she had, they would have been in far too many binds in the past -- Not to mention he probably would have been dropped at the ER’s front doors tonight than rushed to the clubhouse. He owes her more than he can say, more than anything he can try to make up for -- He would be dead without her, point blank. Andy would have bled out on the front steps of an ER if it hadn’t been for her steady hands and careful work. He tries to ignore the way his throat burns, trying to silently remind himself that he’ll be recovered from the bruises and sore throat in a week or so. That’s the simple part of this all -- He can do bruises, that’s far too familiar territory. “You just caught on to that?” He jokes, unable to help himself from letting out another chuckle, before another cough follows. “I think we gotta come up with our own street, or something. Hit up Sesame. I know Benny likes that one.”
