#unheaven. indie oc, written by m. (she/her)
info
cherry valley forever
will byers stan first human second
noise dept.
d e v o n
DEAR READER

Andulka
we're not kids anymore.
occasionally subtle
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
styofa doing anything

JBB: An Artblog!
TVSTRANGERTHINGS
$LAYYYTER
Xuebing Du

shark vs the universe
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

⁂

pixel skylines

Product Placement
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Denmark
seen from United States
seen from Netherlands

seen from Germany
seen from United States
seen from United States

seen from United States
seen from Russia

seen from Greece
seen from United States

seen from Brazil
seen from Germany

seen from United States

seen from United States

seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Bulgaria
@unheaven
#unheaven. indie oc, written by m. (she/her)
info
— ˀ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤethel cain — perverts ask prompts.
no one you know is a good person.
it is no good bearing false witness.
nature chews on me.
maybe it's not meant to be explained.
it has always been this way.
i am punished by love.
shame is sharp.
it's happening to everybody.
i am sure that hell must be cold.
only god would believe that i was an angel.
maybe it was all a lie.
send down your cordage of suffocation and let me in.
what you do is nothing to me.
i like that sound you make.
i'll be alright.
i won't move.
they made me leave.
i was an angel, though plummeting.
heaven has forsaken the masturbator.
i love you.
he was a natural plauché.
maybe it's true.
i can't feel anything.
it is such a precious thing to be loved.
take me, i ain't gonna scream.
i'll claw my way back to the great dark and we will not speak of this place again.
until then, i guess i'll just lie here and wait.
do you think you know how to give up?
fast, reckless driving often leads to slow, sad music.
when you were young, you said you wished that someone loved you.
i am what i am and i am nothing.
i can tell you right now, it's beautiful.
do you like that, baby?
if you want, you can bite me.
i still kick rocks when the walking is good.
you were nothing to me.
whatever's wrong with me i will take to bed.
it feels good.
i take the long way home.
this agony, such is the consequence of audience.
you won't lose me to thunder or lightning, but you could to crowded rooms.
i give in so easy.
i am what i am but we are not the same.
it took something from me, something i can't quite explain.
do you think you understand what it means to be loved?
you're so smooth.
such a wondrous and painful thing to be loved.
it's not meant to be marked down in words or scrawled out on a piece of paper.
here i am empty.is it not fun to feel many other ways?
you won't forget this.
let me tell you how much i've come to hate you since i began to live.
are these laurels to be proud of?
in the morning i will mar myself again.
it is no good speaking of fairness.
only god knows.
nature chews on me.
i've tried so hard to explain in words what it meant to me.
i want to know what god knows, and i will be with him.
i want to know what it feels like.
i will dislocate my jaw to fit it all in.
i want to know love.
i always wondered if it would come back.
the devil i know is the devil i want.
my skin gives so easy.
#what being bi is like
Porco Rosso (1992) / Cowboy Bebop (2001)
rodarte f2007
he is very forward, in many ways, and in many aspects of his life. he retracts his hand as soon as his wrist is let go, offering a small awkward smile as an apology. he’d like to defend himself by saying that he had only assumed that she wouldn’t mind touch because of her proximity to zero, as everyone else in his orbit seems to be just as touch starved as him — he doesn’t say any of this, though. instead he busies his hands with fixing his own hair, or playing with the hem of his shirt — just so he doesn’t commit that sin again.
“ i hadn’t heard of that, no, but i had a feeling. ” he says over the rim of his martini glass, “ you can never really take the dancer out of someone’s posture. ballet? ”
"Ballet as a child, figure skating as a teenager, then pole as an adult. I worked in a club until I was about twenty-five, then went into modelling and from there, acting." Emma glances off, a little wistful. "I sometimes miss it - all of the different forms. I have a studio in my house, but it's not the same as having an audience, you know."
There would be hundreds of people lining up to watch her these days, too, but even that wouldn't be the same. The anonymity was part of the fun. Her youth, too - while she looks the same as she did back then, her soul feels much more haggard sometimes. Emma sighs.
"I was very good."
"Which one do you like?" Emma's pointing to the collection of beautiful boys @id1eyouth is not being subtle about oogling. At the bar, she pierces three maraschino cherries through a toothpick and pulls them off one by one with her front teeth. Careless, yet elegant in this action, she looks a little bored to be at this club.
"I know all of them, I can introduce you. They'll all love you, you can really have your pick - but I'll warn you, the one in the middle there is kind of crazy."
Emma Germanicus's financial background is not known by a single soul. Even the mightiest of internet sleuths and hackers have been incapable of tracing her lineage to any particular line, her funding is equally mysterious -- but there's no doubt about it. This woman comes from money.
She's a movie-star, yes. But when she isn't on the red carpet, she's seen brushing elbows with royalty, new-money and old-money alike. They all regard her with warmth, respect -- and the name Germanicus, doesn't that ring a bell for the historians in the room? It leaves room for speculation, the mystery and the facts - she's welcome in these spaces, at home in them.
Those in the know know. Emma's as good as royalty on more account than one.
When Emma speaks at events like this, she has the room in the palm of her hand. A glittering object, a diamond dagger. She slices through the room with a simple sentence, a simple glance:
" @id1eyouth - Such a pleasure to see you looking so well. Even after all these years, hm?" The family patron always makes good on the deals he makes, doesn't he? She winks, raises her glass. "Help me find a top-up. I'd love to hear all about how you're getting on lately."
one moment he is thinking about how nice a drink would be right about now, and the next there it is, in his hand. is camille a mind reader, or is she just that good at her job? he’s distracted by the whirlwind of it all, still trying to discern how much of this is just the fame and how much of it has to do with the whole… inhuman-ness of everyone involved.
either way, he is painfully out of his element, even if he never shows it.
“ i want to know everything you want to tell. anything. not the boring stuff you can read in the papers. ” he is brushing hair out of her face again, thumb tracing her cheek ever-so-gently. his dark, soulful eyes are just a little empty. “ i want to know you. ”
Camille really is just that good. Junmin shows a keen interest but lack of local knowledge. It's amazing what she can do with a blank canvas. Emma wants to see how colourful she can get with the truth; how much this boy can handle. Will he cower away when he sees how ugly her behaviour can be? Will he call her cruel, unkind - hateful?
Emma catches his wrist in her hand, holds his fingers a few centimetres from her face. Not rough, not too firm, but enough to stop him from playing with her hair; it's right where she wants it. Falling perfectly into place. She doesn't like to be touched without being asked, generally.
"You're forward," She smiles. "I'm not sure you've proven yourself capable of handling all of the things they keep out of the paper... Lets start small, something we both have in common -- I used to be a dancer before I folowed Zero into acting. Did you know that?"
“ honestly, i don’t know. ” he knows why he’s still going to school, he knows why he keeps pursuing medicine despite the fact that part of his life seems to be behind him now. would he still if it weren’t for the chemist? possibly. then again, he would still be a nurse if it weren’t for him. it gets real messy when jun starts thinking about the “what ifs” of it all.
“ but i have noticed a huge glaring blind spot in the healthcare of nonhumans. so, maybe i will someday. but i have a loooooong time to make up my mind. ”
fame seems so fleeting for an immortal. how can you remain in the public eye and not raise suspicion if you don’t age? he’ll have to talk to zero about all that. it kinda freaks him out.
“ enough about me, though. tell me more about you. ”
Junmin turns the lens to her and a little disappointment brews - she has more questions! Especially about the extent of his care for human wellbeing. It wouldn't occur to Emma to do anything positive for humankind if she were in his position.
Still. She's a star. She's not going to turn down the opportunity to sing her own praises.
"Well. What do you already know? I'd hate to bore you with a rehash..." Camille breezes by with a drink for the both of them. She knows what Emma likes and what Junmin is prone to drinking on nights like these. She's there, a glittering flash of red hair, and then she is gone. Emma sips, batting her eyes at Jun over the glass.
“ i was, yeah, ” he takes a second to laugh — what a weird turn of events. it feels like so long ago now, and yet it hasn’t even been a year. “ a hospice nurse. kind of strange what fate had in store for me, huh? ”
nurse to professional dancer. nurse to professional lab rat, more like. he feels a twinge, an itch. suddenly he is very aware of the phone in his pocket. suddenly he thinks he can feel exactly where hyuntae hid his microchip. should he call him? send him a quick text? thinking of you. are you thinking of me?
at least the therapy is working somewhat, because he ignores that itch, that craving — turning his attention back to her. giving her his best show stopping smile. he knows that it's nothing like zero’s, or hers, for that matter. maybe some day he will have the confidence to back it up.
“ i still keep up with it. still study medicine. just in case. ”
"Ah. Fate." Emma sighs. Was it fate for her to become this, too? Glorious, horrible creatures tend to cling to the inevitability of fate. She doesn't quite agree with the concept. Especially now that she sleeps alone most nights. "Do you think you'd ever go back to it? If you're studying, you must think there's some point in it, for the future..."
She hates to appear matronly, but there is a maternal crease in her brow as she asks this. What do you want to be when you grow up? What does your future look like to you? A bitter little thought: Will fate determine that, too?
SALON KITTY (1976) dir. by Tinto Brass
I like your dignity. I like your pride. Share that with me...and I'll share my power with you.
“ of course, ” it comes out too fast and too eager but he’s not going to do anything about it. anything for you.
he’s decided that he needs her now, if only for the night. he decides that to stray from her side is to stray from the light. he’s but a house plant and she is the sun — arise fair sun and kill the envious moon, who is already sick and pale with grief. or whatever.
oh god, not romeo and juliet. has the therapy really done nothing?
“ i make very good arm candy. you lead the way. ” he reaches up to brush those perfect, soft ringlets from her face to get a better look at her. his lips part gently, his smile gentle. he would kiss her if he weren’t afraid it would ruin the moment.
Emma smiles, pleased with her find here tonight; she will learn everything she can about him - Camille will take notes, lest she find herself forgetful tomorrow morning - and then she will call on him for brunch, perhaps. Or both of them - Zero and Junmin - and she can enjoy the company of two puppydogs lapping at her palms!
She brings her veil back over her face and takes his arm, shameless in the way she squeezes him to check for muscle. He's a dancer, she can tell - wiry and lithe. Muscular, but not in the way that Ben is. Was. But he'll do nicely.
As she guides them back to the main party, she does catch people looking thier way. Arm candy indeed.
"Cammy told me you were a nurse, before. This is quite a step away from that lifestyle, I imagine."
what would be the most appealing to her? what would make her love him the most? would being sickeningly sweet do it? would being over-confident and cocky be better? if he tried to emulate zero, could they some day be just as close? this thoughts slow to a crawl as he gets a chance to really look at her — radiant and beautiful, he can’t take his eyes off her if even is he tried. she commands his attention just by breathing, by being.
infatuated instantly. down bad, one could say. he doesn’t project the feeling per se but it does radiate off of him like perfume.
“ your hair is like sunlight. ”
"Why thank you, sweet thing." Emma preens a bit. "I'm sure I caught some of it on my way down to Earth."
Not that she remembers any of that, of course. But she certainly admires the parts of her that harken back to the planets creation. With sunlight in her hair and wild green eyes of the forest, she sometimes catches the light in a way that makes her feel like a daydream. She gets lost in her own reflection. It's no wonder everybody loves her.
---- She'll try not to get too distracted now, though. She's admiring the darkness in Junmin's eyes, the wide-eyed adoration, his cherub-cheeks and plump lips. She smiles, approves of this one. His infatuation is a wash of warmth over her face, entirely charming and endearing. She loves a follower.
"You have such darling features. Will you keep me company for the rest of the night?"