[unicornboynl-blog]

When you never made a choice between “you’re welcome” and “no problem” and now just stare back akwardly in silence, pushing a painful smile

[unicornboynl-blog]

dear mom

you always worried how “all this LGBT propaganda” would hurt your children... it didn’t. your homophobia did tho

[unicornboynl-blog]

the ocean is full of mermaids and im a sexually frustrated dolphin who wants to fuck aquaman

[unicornboynl-blog]

A random book I picked to read today

[maxipaddy]

[unicornboynl-blog]

Me taking an extra sauce at McDonald’s for my small fries:

My stomach:

[unicornboynl-blog]

Someone: ur mom gay

Me: did she fuck your mother or what you’re so salty about?

[unicornboynl-blog]

I mean, for sure sex is great, but have you ever taken a bath after years of only showering?

[unicornboynl-blog]

What if

The people who hate you for no reason are actually immortals whom your ancestors wronged in the past?

[unicornboynl-blog]

Me at 16: nO mom, I’m nOt drUNk!!

Me at 18: yAsss, I’m dRunK, whAtcha gOnnaa do aBoUt iT?!?

Me now: No mom, I’m not drunk, that’s just how I look everyday.

[unicornboynl-blog]

Me: is beating the meat

Everybody else: ...

Sylvester Stallone: ma boi