haven’t made a random txt post in a while but here we go! pls ignore my random musings
it’s been almost a year (!) since I graduated and post-grad life has been v strange. in october, my old internship hired me and I’ve been working part-time while also working on music. music has been going well - I’m really excited about the stuff I’m working on. i’m trying to exercise patience and not rush a release but i hope to have my whole project out by the fall. i’m back home at myy parents while i save money/pay off student loans and that has been a bit hard. i rarely see my friends as most of them either live on the west coast or have random schedules. but i will be going to LA next week and visiting disneyland with a good friend so that should be fun.
lately i’ve been considering moving out to the west coast. i often think that i’d be happier there. but moving out there would mean working full time and i don’t know if i can commit to that yet. i made a promise to myself to pursue music so that i won’t regret it when i’m older. i recognize that i have the privilege to live at home and pursue a dream - to give that up for security is something that I might not forgive myself for later on.
but still... everyday i wonder why i’m doing what i’m doing? sometimes i wonder if i’m doing this because it’s all i really know. i’ve rooted my identity in my love for music. to give that up would mean giving up everything i’ve ever known about myself.
although the creative aspect is going well, over the years i’ve developed an immense appreciation for the business side. would i be satisfied if i gave up being an artist? i don’t know. i’m scared to find out.
as each day goes on, i find myself writing more, creating more, singing more... i don’t know why or how i find the will to keep doing it. sometimes i feel like it’s because this is what i’m meant to do. other times i feel like it’s just learned behavior. is the passion still there? do i still love this? is it even worth it anymore? only time will tell
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