i'm not letting go of you, because i love you ♡

─ stephanie ♡ 27 ♡ NJ/NY ─ you know that place between sleep and awake? the place where you can still remember dreaming? that's where i'll always love you. that's where i'll be waiting. ☽ twitter: @xostephh personal: pixie-daydream  ♡

[unionjadore]

together we know what we're fighting for ♡

[unionjadore]

hello? is this thing on?

does anyone still follow me on here anymore?

big news y'all.... UNION J IS BACK. i have no idea what's going on, i truly did nOT expect this at all... didn't really think i'd see the day if we're being completely honest. i had some big feelings surrounding the break-up back in 2016 as i think we all did and i have big feelings now here in 2022. seeing that teaser video, everything just comes flooding back. this band was a source of light and joy for me during one of the hardest and most crucial periods of my life where i was in such a dark space... i kind of have a depression fog for the beginning half of my college career and i don't remember much, but i sure as hell remember the union j days, but specifically union j days here on tumblr with everyone. everyone knows boybands are my thing but THIS boyband in particular... this is the group i saw grow from DAY LITERAL 1. i saw them go through as much as you could see from a fans perspective, the good the bad the ugly. all of it. like, this band is special to me. 10 years this year that these guys got together... it's hard to fathom. it's been 5 years since union j as we knew it ceased to exist and like i said i felt... many emotions. in all honesty there was a time after that where i didn't know how i'd feel about a UJ reunion. but now that it's happening, it's one of those things where you never knew how much you needed it until it finally happens. i've always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. sometimes things need to fall apart so they can come back together stronger. this definitely feels like one of those situations.

anyways, if you're still here please say hello! i know blog urls may have changed and stuff but i still remember a bunch of people from back then. i'm kinda looking forward to editing union j pics again hehe.

[pixie-daydream]

i need to take a moment to appreciate my little glow up ✨

the photos on the left are from 2014, photos on the right are me now. 6 years ago i was basically clawing my way out of a severe depression, i was hardly eating, i had just started my recovery from self harm… the girl you see in those photos was slowly approaching one of the first major “turning points” in my journey of self love and learning to be okay with who i am and the way i look. when i tell you i absolutely despised what i saw in the mirror, it broke my heart… even though i looked “fine” i felt deformed, repulsive, not worth a god damn thing, not just because of my appearance but the way i felt inside too. i felt this way for what felt like the majority of my life. i was 20 years old and was so tired of hating myself. 

flash forward to now. 26 years old, still navigating through loving myself truly and wholly, but in a much better place than i was 6 years ago. i’ve gained so much confidence in myself, i feel much more in tune and in touch with my body. there are days i actually feel purely beautiful and even though yes i am finally much happier with my outward appearance, more importantly i have learned to love who i am inside. i’ve recognized my natural gifts and talents of the heart. i’m slowly figuring out my place in this world and how to make it better for those around me. i have my good days and my bad days and days where i still break down but my life is so much brighter, my heart feels so much more whole. i’m so grateful for the growth i’ve experienced. ♡

[unionjadore]

i never use this blog anymore and i dunno if anyone is still active but wanted to share this here bc so much of my life at that time was spent here with u guys and a lot of my followers here really helped me get to this point :)

[unionjadore]

hi guys i don’t know if any of my followers still come on here or even remember me but i really fuckin miss george a lot and the thought of never hearing from him again actually breaks my heart :(((( 

i know there are far far far worse things going on in the world right now but currently (and for the past idk 8 months) this is on my mind and it makes me really upset to think about which i know is silly but i feel like i can express my thoughts freely here so here we go. he’s just so special to me and really left the biggest imprint on my heart and in my life, i’m sure tons of people could say the same because that’s just the kind of person he is... i know it’s weird to say from not truly knowing him but yknow i feel like we do know him on a certain level, going from having someone part of your life pretty consistently every day for years, even if it’s just a small fraction of their whole life, exchanging messages every so often etc.... it’s just mind blowing to have that stop so suddenly yknow. it’s like if someone you followed on here and talked to a lot suddenly just deleted their blog. like i know it sounds so stupid because of all things considered but it’s just weird to wrap my mind around it. i’ll always have the biggest place in my heart for him and want him to be happy and to feel good and at peace in life so for whatever reason he went off socials, i’m sure it was a good one. whatever he needs to do for himself, i support it. and god knows he’s been through so so much in his life. but still it’s hard for me to get so used to hearing from someone so frequently (i don’t mean personally i mean in general online although i do miss our little banter/messages and stuff), i guess i just thought he’d be in my life forever (which is probably dumb of me to think because it’s all through social media but w/e). i mean he still is, i still love him and always will cuz like i said, he left a huge impact on my life. i’ll never let that go, like i’ll honestly tell my kids about him and stuff. he changed me in a lot of positive ways. it’s just weird to think he just... disappeared like that. forgive me for sounding selfish. i know we’re just strangers really at the end of the day, i shouldn’t care what he’s doing with his life and he has no reason to care about mine. but too late cuz i do care about him a lot. i just wish he’d say something, just to know how he’s doing. he didn’t really go anywhere, but i know i’ll miss him forever. 

[pixie-daydream]

idk who needs to hear this but that geplsy account on tumblr is 1000% not george shelley and their weird ass posts over the past 2 or 3 years pretending to be him are hella weird. people r so sick lol. get a life

[unionjadore]

honest to god i know this is weird but i fucking love george shelley with my entire heart and soul. still. (and always). after 6 years. it just doesn’t stop. not that i thought it ever would. and like again i know this is weird but i literally felt like i was IN LOVE with the kid. genuinely. i mean what do i know about love anyway. and maybe it was just infatuation. or at least people will say so. but in my heart i felt like i was. some part of me will always feel that way about him. but after 6 years and after so much that has happened it’s different now. i love him differently. but the love i have for him is still intense and pure and it really is never gonna go away. like. ever. i know i dont know him and never will but at the same time i feel like i do on some level and on that level just seeing him grow from who he was when he first came into my life to now... god there are no words. its all beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. for so many reasons. i just know when i think about him i feel overwhelmed because holy shit. this all sounds fucking insane and i’m well aware of that but i don’t know how to intelligently put this into words no matter how hard i try it’s impossible. and probably dumb. because who even am i. i just know that i thank god or whoever or whatever is out there in the universe that put us on this planet at the same time. i sound like a walnut. but i mean it. like where the heck would i be right now had he not come into my life at the precise moment that he did. i learned so much from him. my favorite happy thought. helped me get through so much. the light in my life. ew. this is so gouda. but i can’t help it it honestly blows my mind that one person can make me feel so many things at once. i don’t even mean this in a weird way. even though it’s weird. my heart just bursts for him. and he hasn’t been around much lately. and i miss him so much. but im sure he’s just trying to grow. and be in peace. and all that stuff. an angel. he’s been through so much. i just want him to be happy. 

[pixie-daydream]

✨ george shelley for gay times magazine ☽

[unionjadore]

does anyone have george’s interview from gay times mag that they wanna upload to this magical site that would be grand thank u so much

[pixie-daydream]

if any of you tumblr geniuses in the uk wants to be my best friend forever and somehow upload george shelley’s documentary so i can see it that would be fantastic

[pixie-daydream]

you’re such a dream to me

[pinkniall]

I am crying my eyes out reading this. George is one of the kindest, best, sweetest and most talented people I have ever met and to know he had to go through all this shit, and been through so many losses no one should have to go through is just heartbreaking. It’s fucked up this industry. Fucked up how this world treats people. I’m so happy he is getting through it and coming out stronger. I love him so much.

[unionjadore]

hi guys, been a while! hope you’re all doing well. wanted to wish you all the best in 2018. whatever happens this year, you’ll get through it. i hope you all grow (stronger and wiser, but never grow up, because that’s just silly now isn’t it), and go places you’ve always dreamed of going, meet new people and connect with new souls, surround yourself with people who make you want to be a better person and people who make you feel good about yourself, help one another and love one another. you got this! 

i don’t really post very much on here anymore, since it’s a sideblog, but if you’d like you can follow me on @xostephh (that’s my twitter, instagram, and snapchat handle as well) if you want to keep in touch! i’ll try to pop on here more. i miss the old days on here, a secret hideout for many of us. those were good times.

and yes, if you’re wondering, george shelley still is the very best person i know.  

happy new year, everyone. ♡

[pixie-daydream]

better days • ✨💓☀️ • when i look back on where i was a year ago to where i am now, i can’t help but smile. i’ve never been happier and the love i have towards myself is stronger now than ever. i feel surrounded by positivity both within myself and from those around me and couldn’t be more thankful. it’s never too late to start making a change and bettering yourself so that you can make the world better for others too. ✌️💜✨☮️🌼🌙🌻🎶

[pixie-daydream]

got bored n decided to give myself bangs

[pixie-daydream]

philipsburg, st. maarten

[pixie-daydream]

st. maarten

[pixie-daydream]

✨💙