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[unknowanno]

neither that I don't care, nor that I wasn't aware. I just don't have an answer for something that has not been asked yet. Energy is not something that I lack, I just cannot channel it if there was no purpose, no destination. so, until you ask me, you will never understand me

Me

[unknowanno]

post-graduate life

So I just got my master degree, so what? another fulfilling life that I have not sure yet if it was. To be honest, I kinda care nothing about the deal as long as it means something for people, at least for my family. Do I sound like a people-pleasing person, the answer is I am not sure, I never thought that my life is or will be meticulously curated. I mean I always have this rough-written plans on my mind, but it’s only in my mental brain closet. I said it is rough as a crude oil or more like a playdough because I learned that the best way for having life projections and not having your hurt crushing if you were failed to achieve those expectations is to have everything as on rudimentary stage. Yeah, it sounds like I have been in some kind of PTSD phase in my life, maybe I have maybe I am. But the point is we (I) all need to be more open and welcome for every possibility. I just don't want to see my life as what mainstream people think is right or orthopraxy, I only life once, so if I want to make my life as mine,  suppose the very first thing is to be brave for any ventures and see what life has for me. 

so how’s my post-grad life?

I’ll let you wait and see while you let me enjoy the adventure.

[unknowanno]

iun

mungkin inspirasi harus dilatih dengan mulai bercerita dari hal-hal sederhana yang terjadi di sekitar kita. 

saya sering kal berpikir untuk menjadi seorang penulis bahwa para penulis yang dapat bercerita tentang hal-hal secara menarik, pasti memiliki kisah nyata yang menarik pula. nah, sedangkan gw bisa dibilang hidupku ini flat-flat aja.

kemudian gw sadar bahwa untuk bercerita tidaklah perlu memiliki kisah yang menarik atau cerita dramatis tentang bagaimana kamu menjalani hidup. tapi cukup memiliki kesabaran dan ketekunan mengkespresikan hal sederhana menjadi sesuatu yang lebih hidup.

dan tentuanya kemampuan untuk fokus.

saya adalah tipe orang yang susah sekali fokus, seperti halnya sekarang ini, niat awal saya yang sebenarnya mau bercerita tentang perjalanan gw selama kuliah di Bristol, UK, malah diawali dengan intermezo tentang bagaimana  menjadi penulis

[unknowanno]

Officially homeless

Before 5 September 2015, I am homeless.

[unknowanno]

aku ingin penulis puisi tentang sakit hati yang sudah terlewati, tapi kin tak lagi..

ingat dulu dihina, pernah juga dihianati, bahkan lebih parahnya terhina dan terhianati..

pernah dulu aku dibilang tak punya arti, hanya teman pengusir sepi, tak lebih

pernah dulu aku dibilang tak tahu diri, tak patut diberi janji, 

pernah dulu diolok tak punya intelejensi, hanya pemimpi yang tak sadar arti diri

pernah dulu aku dianggap sapi, tak bisa bersosialisasi, hanya membayangi

pernah dulu aku dimusihi satu santri, dan tak punya teman selain sepi

tapi ku tak pernah dengki, tak pernah tulus dalam membenci, karena aku ingin hidup damai

kubiarkan mereka, kusenangkan dulu hatinya, dan kutenangkan pula hati saya

bukan karena tak punya nyali untuk membalasi, tapi kuhidup bukan untuk para pembenci..

aku tak melaknat, hanya ingin berbagi canda dengan percuma

ini hanya puisi, jangan diambil hati

#EFEKDISERTASI

[unknowanno]

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Stranded Boat inside the wood

[unknowanno]

Untied-dream

Sometimes, we have no control for what we want. We get confused by our own desired and became a slave of our own ideation.

[unknowanno]

:)

[unknowanno]

falling teaches me what happiness means

If you failed at something again and again, you get used to the idea of being a victim of your life. We are taught not to be blameless, but to put everything into such drama. There is nothing as having a better or a worse life than anyone in this world, we all are equally live our life with whatever story and character that we meant to be part of. But forgetting this fact is our natural-born tendency, even though we have affirmed it so for some extended period. The rest of the people will say that as a part of survival after lengthy evolution to be modern human being, being hopeless is part of our mechanism to ease our life in the very own commiseration. 

I've known what sadness and misery are since my very early of childhood. It sounds depressing and affecting enough to attract people's sympathy But I prefer not to. Everyone is a master of their own thought, and being an adult means to be able to carry your past in the more non-eloquent and subtle way. So time can train you to hinder it beneath your so-called artificial successful life. Maybe what I had experienced was not too negative emotional venture, probably just because my inadequate understanding to welcome a bit of preeminence rumination.

Yes, just like when you are falling in the misery or falling in, one just same with the other. In fact, most of us falling for someone not because she or he is the perfect companion for what we need for our very distinguished journey, but because we want to fill a sacred void, hidden inside of us. This place so called passion, compassion and ‘sometimes’ we call it love. I’m not saying love is negative or acid or black and pink, but this is just a symbol of something that we cannot describe yet, sometimes we got confused or mixed with other feelings.

So why I opine that falling is what has taught us about happiness because sometimes when we think we are falling, we are actually rising from some points to another pathway. The ability to be or not to be will depend on what we think we are valued with and what we consider as a happiness is.

[unknowanno]

talking

they said talking is cheap. but is it really?. I mean I know that we merely put our limited semantics that projects our limited comprehension of an external world. We portray the meaning of life in such narrow window, but talking is an instantaneous way of connecting the dots, recognizing the patterns, anticipating the future, and even more in the way we translate our feeling in the more understandable way.

[unknowanno]

the best thing in the world is to feel, even if it is a misery. Is not that having problems that make you depressed, but the ability to experience another affection, such as joy, happy, upset, sad and whatever feeling that can revive your boredom to up-and-down experience, to boost your hormones, to pump up your neurotransmitters, and to feel the stream of your blood. 

don’t even care about morality and religiosity because at the end, only you and the time will be remind. 

#love #life #feel

[unknowanno]

Saat badai kembali menghampiri

tak tahu harus bicara pada siapa

ketika yang gelap tak bisa menjadi jelas, dan aku terlalu malas untuk berbicara.