Unparalleled Mediocrity

These are deepest feelings. Words unspoken. Actions undone. Beware: No humps along the way.

[unparalleledmediocrity-blog]

Staring off Into Space

I don't know why sometimes I feel sad. The feeling strikes me for no clear reason. I contemplate on things I am unsure of. About the future, about love, about the person who will let me feel that I am loved, and about that life changing moment which I do not have any idea of. These are just some of life's uncertainties and they are truly mind-boggling.

5 days 'til my day. I can't think of any birthday wishes. I just realize that I miss being in love. I miss a lot of people. But I don't know if they feel the same way towards me.

So far, my summer's not being productive. I really want to achieve things in my bucket list this summer, but time just won't permit me. Still, I plan to push through with them and achieve them. I know I will, in due time.

I am often asked about how I am doing right now. I simply answer, "plainly good" because that is what I think. When I have nothing to do, random thoughts pop out of my head and I just stare off into space. I come to think of my journey as a person. I reminisce the good things and the bad things that have happened in my life. I try to evaluate how far I've gone, and how far am I still wanting to go with my life. 

I know I still have a long journey. Different successes and failures await me. I have once said that I am a late bloomer, because truly I am. I am someone who's in the ripening process until I can proudly say to the world, "This is me."

Right now, all I do is just scream my feelings through music until the moment when I can stay calm, safe and sound.

P.S.

Your Mediocre Guy

[unparalleledmediocrity-blog]

C'est la vie

Allergies. I hate allergies. Though oftentimes, I really don't hate the things I'm allergic to. Well, an exemption of course is my allergy to the bitchy people around me. I would definitely embrace the allergic feeling when I encounter them. There are no anti-histamine drugs that will help subside the allergy I am having with these kind of people.

Honestly, I feel sick. But I try not to feel to. Right now, I just realized that I easily get bruises. I got a pair on my neck and it just looks awful. It looked like I was beaten up or what :( I just hope these allergic reactions in my body would stop by now.

I guess one way to feel better is just to sing. I really love singing. I love singing songs that explain my genuine feelings and thoughts. I sing when I'm bored and alone or even when I'm with friends, and it is my way of escape.

Right now, I just randomly thought of the lines of the song 'My Wish' by Rascal Flatts:

My wish for you Is that this life becomes all that you want it to Your dreams stay big, your worries stay small You never need to carry more than you can hold

And while you're out there gettin' where you're gettin' to I hope you know somebody loves you And wants the same things too Yeah, this is my wish, yeah yeah

Indeed, very meaningful. Something that gives me good vibes amidst the stress and worries I encounter everyday.

Back off bad vibes and fuck off haters.

P.S

Your Mediocre Guy

[unparalleledmediocrity-blog]

Morning 'Schemata'

I just woke up. So far, it seems to be a normal day. Right now, I am listening to a random playlist in 8 tracks.com while sipping a cup of hot chocolate and daydreaming. Random thoughts pop out of my head. I think I've been used to this. It has been a habit. 

I still haven't eaten my breakfast. It's almost lunch. At this moment, I think of the mysteries on people's behavior. I think of all the reasons why people are fond to give false hopes, why they choose not to stay and why they tend to repeat their mistakes.

Surely, these questions take a lot time to answer. Yet, I would want to share my sentiments, my grievances and raise to the people who made me feel unworthy my middle finger.

It is such a terrible feeling when the people you actually thought would be there for you when you most needed them weren’t really there. They are just an illusion of your ever stubborn mind. When will you learn your lesson? When will I? I believe, people come and go. It is a sad reality. However, I can't seem to understand when people suddenly disappear like nothing had happened. Fuck?! Don't you remember the good and sweet days we had? Where did all of those shits go?

These liars know how to play their game. They assured you that communication would be smooth and easy. Maybe at first, but came a time it is no more. You both agreed that you would learn to accept each other's flaws and faults but, it never happened that way.

Now you ask, "Why?". People hurt and get hurt. But it is never acceptable to let others feel the suffering the way you had experienced them. It is not just. It will never be.

P.S.

Your Mediocre Guy

[unparalleledmediocrity-blog]

Blank. Never Simple. Never Easy.

Sometimes, I feel like spitting out my entire life story to anyone who will listen.

I am happy. That’s just the saddest lie.

Sometimes, I feel like ripping apart my skin, and searching for a reason for why I feel this empty.

Maybe my veins are tangled, or something is lodged in my rib cage.

Because it feels like something inside of me is missing or broken. P.S

Your Mediocre Guy

[unparalleledmediocrity-blog]

To the number of people around me

I am immature. I am pretentious. I say, I am a brave-heart, but I am not. At least, I am trying to be. 

I am always hurt. I sometimes feel worthless. I feel that people don't actually care. I am afraid.

I am afraid for people to see me hurting. For them to see the other side of my being. Surely, I am a real eccedentesiast. 

I feel like crying. I honestly want to cry. But I can't cry hard enough. I always feel the weight on my chest. My heart that has resisted all the grievances says that I should now let go. But, I just don't know how.

I hate this feeling. I hate the situation I am in. I hate the people who do not understand. To the people who talk 'things' about me when I am not around, fuck you all.

I hate the people who judge me easily. Those who don't know what I am going through. I assure you, I am an exact person like you. I carry the same load of problems. Or even more than you do.

All I want is to be understood. To be comforted. To be appreciated. To be loved.

Yes. The loneliest people can be the kindest. The saddest people sometimes smile the brightest. P.S. Your Mediocre Guy