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Can't wait to no longer be a liability 🤗

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We weren't always two totally different people 😪

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I can tell you are miserable and Idk what to do

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I no longer know what the truth is anymore

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I don't even think it would shock me at this point

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Support her Listen to her Understand her Do not push her Make her feel safe Make her feel loved

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The farthest distance is the one from one side of the bed to the other..

How can someone so close feel so far away

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I wonder what it is in her that rejects my love for her every time..without fail.. So much do I want to feel the gift that I always thought God gave to me. Kiss the body he has so beautifully and wonderfully made just for me. Not even sexually just an appreciation, admiration for her physical artistry. But more and more I wonder if this body is even mine to hold. Maybe the reason it isn't shared with me is because I am not its rightful recipient. It hurts to even allow the thought cross my mind. Lord knows I love this intricate mind. Lord knows I love every part of her... Is it wrong to desire someone so much. I know what she has been through and I know how it hinders us. How do I help heal her heart Lord, how do I let her know that she is safe in my arms, that she should not fear my touch. So with this I ask two things Lord, I pray that she was in fact given to me, and if this is indeed true, I pray you help me help her through loving her.

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I really love her. She has taught me so much and I truly and dearly love her. Sadly I desire way too much I think... I expect to much out of this young love and I know I do. In moments I can feel myself begging for her to grab me out of nowhere and be spontaneous. With every inch of my body I sit and wait anxiously for her brief touch. Rough me up to dominate me, but take care of my being because you know I am fragile. I want her to read my mind and tell me what I want to hear, most of the time it's what I need to hear even if I don't want to I know I need you because I am hot and she is cold. I am rash and she is rational. And though I need to be my own person I need her to shit, put me in my place... Beside her.. Not behind her or beneath. I am her partner.. But I know I ask too much because see this is not a movie. I can't fuck you when I want you, and you may not always want me. I want her to want me all the time. I want to be that craving that never gets old. I want to be your acquired taste , something she needs constantly. Where did that go, why did we leave our principle of every kiss being the first behind us. I want her in every way. I love her in every way. She satisfies even my most particular hunger.. But this is no longer a movie.. And I shouldn't expect it to be.

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I am really just laying here thinking and it’s slightly overwhelming really. To desire so much and to have so much hope but to receive so little because you know… You have put forth no effort. I am happily engaged… I am engaged. I am mentally prepared for the future, but then again I know nothing about what’s to come. I am content with my calm predictable and stable life, yet some part of me feels like I’m missing out on the “good years”. Being able to explore when Idk if I really want that at all. Did I ever give myself a chance to be a young adult … Is that even a life I want to test out?